S2: "I have this habit of trying to come up with creative ways to solve a problem even if I have to put forth a lot of effort into it because I assume that it will make me understand the problem better. Plus, I feel more rewarded this way."

His response when I pointed out that his way has always been different and always caused him and others more problems until he works through it. Even if his way is infinitely more complicated.

Example: We're supposed to (easy way and TA's solution way) use Solver with a sum of the difference squared error to find parameters in a HW assignment. S2 went out of his way to use Gram-Schmidt and MathCad. No one else is using either. S2 crashed his computer a few times and worked for a few hours to "get it right" and "get it more accurate than any one else's"

I've been wondering how on earth S2 can get a girlfriend. I thought maybe she's uh...special. Or guys never hit on her. Or she has quirks that turn all guys away.

1. Found out she thinks S2 is calm. Strike 1

2. She can't think for herself. Ever. She called him to tell her whether or not she should go to sleep. Strike 2.

3. She needed help setting up and plugging into a router. A frakking router. And she's out.

S2, please stop talking in a high voice for no reason at all, it isn't amusing, charming, or funny in any way. It is really just ridiculously annoying.

1. S2 didn't believe he should tip people. He claims his jobs in retail and as a custodian were far worse. He didn't tip until some of us lectured him about it. I guess he didn't know that waitstaff get paid under minimum wage because they're expected to make up the difference in tips.

One time we went to a bar and he wanted to close his tab. S2 raised his credit card and held it out like he was royalty, expecting the bartender to come immediately to close the tab. Bartender was busy, couldn't come right away, S2 got mad and wondered what was wrong with the service.

Another time, a group of 8 of us walked into the restaurant portion of the place and sat down for dinner. Waitress was busy and tried to keep up with our orders and requests. Once, she came over and asked us if we wanted water. Loudly...so that we could all hear. A few people said yes. But not S2. She came back with waters and S2 looked angry and said "where's mine?" The waitress left to take care of 3 other tables and walked by us with plates in all of her arms. S2 had raised his hand and was waving. When she rushed by and didn't see, he basically yelled "WELL SOMEONE'S NOT GETTING A TIP".

Last time in the bar (for now). We're eating dinner. I buy a pitcher for me and a friend since I owe him. S2 pours himself a glass of beer. He orders a $6 meal. He threw in $10 for all of his stuff. He got upset when we didn't give him change back. We told him that whatever was left of his $10 was absorbed into the tip. He said he "expected $10 to last longer".

2. S2 has a tendency to come to my cube and do work. While he's working, he talks to himself. One time:

"So then I carry this...take the derivative...I have a really bad habit of talking aloud....mostly to myself...maybe I should stop...but I continue with this...and the boundary condition is this..."

3. I had to tell S2 to "use his inside voice" because he was so loud. He's older than me. I had to tell a grown man to use his inside voice.

He didn't hear. Precisely because he wasn't using his goddamn inside voice.

4. S2 has a tendency to open himself up to bad things happening to him...and then he gets upset and claims it isn't his fault. He went to see the professor for help on a problem, the professor said "your solution looks a lot like coworkerofstan's, did you work together?"

The correct answer was no. And that's true, as we did not work together except for one part where we both got stuck and we simply bounced ideas off of each other. S2's answer: "Is that a problem?"

The professor gave us a lecture on copying hw solutions and working in groups during class that day. S2 said the professor was being ridiculous. I sternly told him that he royally fucked up by answering that question improperly. What happened next?

S2: "Well, if I said 'no, I didn't work with coworkerofstan' it would have been untrue since I got to that point when I was sitting next to you in your cube"

Me: "....that doesn't mean I worked with you on it. in fact, we worked separately until that difficult point, and we didn't write down the same thing for what happened after"

He then said something about how I just wouldn't get it.

5. S2 told a story about how awful working in industry is. He said his 1st week at his 1st internship, he got sprayed/covered with resin while changing a pump filter. The reason? He screwed up and didn't tighten one screw correctly. For some reason, that became industry's fault...and he was "lucky to not get fired"

1. S2 gave me a lecture on how the moon affects tides. Apparently, he had to look this up online and was fascinated by the fact that the moon causes high/low tide. When he asked me if I knew this amazing fact, I said simply "Yes, the moon being closer to the earth on one side causes water to be drawn there, thus creating high tide near the moon and low tide away from it on the other side of the earth." He claimed that I didn't understand how the moon could do this and that there was no point explaining it to me because I "wouldn't get it".

I guess he missed this day in elementary school when tides were explained?

2. S2 claims that a "good thermo problem" is to explain why it takes longer for 2 turkeys to cook in an oven than 1 turkey. When my friend responded "...it's because there's greater mass to heat up", S2 replied, "no that's wrong."

3. He had said conversation while I was on the phone with my dad. I could not hear my dad on the phone because S2 was yelling. This resulted in the following:

Friend: "Dude, lower your voice, he's on the phone and it sounds really important."

S2: "What? Are you telling me to shut up?"

Friend: "NO, he's on the freaking phone!"

4. We were stuck on a hw problem. S2 came over to my cube and wanted to check his work. He did some stuff wrong and completely overreacted to needing to correct it. Whatevs. After we were on the same page, I said I felt tired and wanted to call it a night to try to go sleep. He didn't leave. I said this another 3 times. He didn't get it. He stayed put and kept trying, uselessly, to solve the problem. I then said, "dude, i'm going to ask the professor tomorrow, i'm just going to call it a night". He nodded, said ok, then kept working. When he expressed his frustration at not being able to solve the problem (yet again), I said "This is why i've already said 4 times that I'm calling it a night and want to go home". He said fine and did not leave my cube. After trying for another 10 minutes and not getting anywhere, he said he was frustrated again, to which I said "YES, this is why I said 5 times already that I am calling it a night and want to go home."

He got upset at me for saying that. Let's recap: he invites himself over, I help him, he's still stuck, I say do it tomorrow a few times, he's still stuck and won't leave my cube, and then when I say "that's enough" he gets upset at me.

5. S2 decided not to even look at one of our homework assignments until 7 pm the night before. He became a whiny bitch about it for the whole night. We all had to help him get caught up to where we were, which took 3 days, in order to get him to shut up. We also had to learn his unique way to code the problems due to his insistence on not using the sample code provided. His excuses for not looking at the pset earlier?

1. "I did other homeworks" (so did everyone else)

2. "I forgot my power cable, so I can't code on a dead laptop." (he forgot it TWICE in 2 days)

3. "I helped other people do other homework" (so did I)

4. "I thought the hw would take 30 mins"

He spent the days beforehand Skype-ing with his GF, watching YouTube, reading Gizmodo, and drawing cartoons for our professor.

Oh man, I have to write the tip stories here later. But I have class stuff to do now.

Like a Phoenix...

Hey,

So, the real Stan has moved on past my jurisdiction. The latest thing I know is that he opened his big mouth for a magazine and talked about how amazing his major is for getting him a job he "didn't fit into" (or deserve, but the article didn't mention that...neither did he)...granted, that industry loves ChemE's...so...technically, not a big surprise...oh wait...you say you're in the paper and pulp industry? Stan, you're oh so wrong again! You're in consumer products.

Nevertheless, his reign of terror has momentarily ended. But...can Stan ever truly...move on? There will always be a Stan. None will ever surpass the original (I pray), but I think I have found a decent enough substitute for now. He has chosen, through his actions, attitude, and asshole-ishness (at times) to take up the sacred mantle, and his stories shall be told here.

Stan I: 2006-2009.

Stan II: 2009-

1. Stan II shares a few attributes with his forebear...interrupting conversations, stuck-up "I'm better than you" attitude, lack of social skills...not to the same extremes, but he adds one more dimension: whining. S2 whines about every possible disturbance in his life. And based off his reactions, if something slightly bad happens to him, it becomes the worst thing to happen to anyone ever.

2. S2 asked me to help me move his stuff into his room. I said sure, but I wouldn't be back for an hour. He said he'd wait. So, I get back to the dorm and call him up. In an hour, he had managed to find a cart to move all of his stuff. Great, I think, all the stuff will move faster. Then he opens his car.

All of his stuff is in small boxes and none of them are heavy. He waited an hour for me to help him move stuff he could have easily moved by himself within that same time period...it took us like 20-25 minutes to move it all.

Then, he talked on the phone while I unloaded his stuff from the car. He also insisted on showing me everything and anything he found interesting in his pile of stuff.

S2, how could a machete be useful in a dorm. Fer srs. Why did you bring a space heater with you if you're specifically prohibited from bringing them? Why on earth do you have so much stuff to fit in a 10x15 DOUBLE?

3. S2 insists on not taking notes in some of our classes...then he gets surprised when he doesn't know a technique we learned in class. He also got upset when he missed a TA office hour...because he arranged for a meeting with a professor at the same time.

4. S2 is extraordinarily condescending in tone when you ask him for help...even though he is one of only a few ChemE's who can't extract data from a steam table or who have never seen a Mollier diagram.

5. S2 learned thermodynamics from the professor who wrote the book we're getting example problems from. As expected, he has a big head about it. Surprisingly, he never understands the problems we do from the book...even though he has a copy of the book...and has surely done all of them before.

6. S2 has a girlfriend...that he yells at when she asks him for help on questions and she doesn't get it after a poor explanation.

OH

7. I've had several discussions with S2 on how to do some of our homework problems. Several times, we disagree on something...and he always insists he is right...even when I prove him wrong. He then claims that we were talking about something different to begin with. Granted, if you rewind the conversations...that's obviously not true.

8. You've taken...what'd you tell me...3 classes of linear algebra? How do you NOT know that the complex conjugate of a real, symmetric matrix (Hermitian) is its transpose? It's on frakking wiki. The professor TOLD US in class.

9. We get it. You're mixed Chinese and German. That does not make you specially diverse. Stop talking and bragging about it.

10. I have a new Macbook Pro. We are all in agreement that it is shiny. However, I do not feel comfortable when you say:

"I like my black Macbook, but every time I look at your computer, I fly into a jealous rage."

Staying Somewhere

1. Stan moved into a manager's apartment on a Friday. Friday before his first day. Which makes sense. However, when his work term ended...

Landlord (manager at work): "Hey, when do you think you're moving out?"
Stan: "Oh...I dunno...Friday...maybe Saturday, maybe Sunday, maybe Monday."

Friday rolled around. He hadn't finished packing. And he lounged around all day after work. Saturday came. He didn't finish packing and kept lounging around. Sunday came...

Landlord: "So, when did you think you were leaving?"
Stan: "Haven't decided yet."
Landlord: "Ok. Get out. Today."

2. Our company has a bare minimum number of weeks that they like summer interns to work. The summer is fairly short, so most people don't stay much longer past the minumum of 10, but Stan wanted to repeat what he did last fall and stay as long as he could. His first week at work, apparently, something like this happened:

HR: "Stan, how long did you want to work?"
Stan: "Well, I started May 19th...and school starts Aug 28th. I can work *I imagine he whipped out his phone calendar* til Aug 22nd."
HR: "COMPANY NAME HERE has a minimum of 10 weeks for summer interns."
Stan: "Oh, that's way beyond 10 weeks. I should be fine."
HR: "We want you to leave after 10 weeks."

3. Stan did end up getting a full time offer for the company. Surprising many people. Supposedly the people here had extremely low expectations for him. And he mighta exceeded them.

4. The managers here are ridiculously upset that he got a full time offer. Like...more upset than I was puzzled. Actually, they're more upset and puzzled..more than...uh...more than Dark Knight had made money.

His Final Presentation

1. He still has shitty powerpoints of all text that he reads off of. This time he didn't even bother like trying to learn what he was gonna say as he stumbled pretty much every slide...even the background slide about himself.

2. He still clicks the clicker (mouse) as if breaking the mouse and making a loud noise every minute will make his presentation better.

3. I was wondering why Stan wanted to only work 10 weeks. Last time, he worked near 20, and 10 is the minimum number of weeks interns are supposed to work. With his start date, it gave him a month of nothing to do. I don't know how true this is, but one of the other interns told me that they called Stan into HR's office and told him that NOMNOMNOMOMGFORGOTANDACTUALLYPUTCOMPANYNAMEHEREFORTHELONGESTTIME wanted him to work the bare minimum 10 weeks and leave.

Updatesville

New (Long) Post!

1. Intern 1: "Where's Intern 3? We're all supposed to be having a meeting!"
Intern 2: "Oh she told me she's not coming, project meeting or something."
Stan: "I'll call her anyway."

True to his word, he was on his phone 5 seconds later.

Stan: "Oh ok. So you're not coming? Ok. Bye. She's not coming guys."

Thanks, Stan, where would we be if you didn't needlessly confirm something we all knew every 5 seconds?

2. Manager: "So we need someone else to drive people to the airport for the trip."
Stan: "I'll drive, I have a Honda CR-V."
*momentary silence*
Stan: "It's got a lot of room."

3. Stan pretty much insisted on driving for the next two days. Then he told everyone how he wouldn't be able to drive anyone back from the airport. At the time, this was a huge problem. 13 people...and up to a carload can't leave? Thanks, Stan, for offering something halfway, really. Thank God we managed to have differing plans for the weekend and we only needed 2 cars to get everyone.

4. Intern X: "Could you give me some advice on picking cameras?"
Me: "Yeah, sure! No problem!"
X: "Uh, not like yours. Like a normal camera." (I give up, we all know who writes this fucking thing.)
Me: "Oh yeah, like a point and shoot then?"
X: "Yes, thinner maybe?"
Me: "Thinner ones usually take crappy photos...I'll look for a decent point and shoot that's not too bulky."
X: "Oh great! Thanks!"
Stan: "You should get one with a massive zoom."
Me: "...Ok...X, do you need a massive zoom? What kind of pictures do you think you're going to take?"
X: "Nothing to special, like normal hanging out ones."
Me: "Ok, so a massive zoom would be totally unnecessary...plus massive zooms make the camera very large."
Stan: "I like my 12x zoom."
Me: "Great."
Stan: "Yeah, I like to take a lot of landscape photos, so I need a huge zoom."
Me: "...uh...for landscape photos....you don't need a huge zoom. In fact, you should generally be looking at a very wide angle lens."
Stan: "Really?"
Me: (let's keep in mind...what I do for a hobby.) ".....Yes."

To be fair, there are times when telephoto (sorry, I couldn't dumb myself down anymore) lenses are good for landscapes. I really don't think Stan knows when it's good.

5. Trip time! I got stuck riding in Stan's car. Again. It was not fun. I probably should've guessed as much when he was telling me how to load stuff into his car. Which was empty.

6. Intern Alpha: "Where are you from anyway, coworker?"
Me: "From near Boston, if you're from the area, I'd say near Braintree."
Alpha: "OH ok, cool, my bf is from there!"
Me: "Oh nice!"
Stan: "I know Braintree!"
Me: "....*knowing he like...never leaves his home state unless he's visiting family...who don't live in my states*...really."
Stan: "Yeah, John Quincy Adams and John Adams were born there!"
Me: "*sigh*....well, technically, Braintree and its neighboring town have traded territories several times, so that's debatable."
Stan: "Oh."

7. Intern X started a discussion about wearing seat belts in the backseat and how she hates it since it's uncomfortable. We all talked in the car about why we wear belts in the backseat. Stan then described why we should wear seatbelts in the front passenger and driver seats for like 5 minutes. Until I was like "dude, get on topic, we're not talking about front seats." Then he got it.

8. Intern X: "I like my Subaru, cuz the Boxer engine gives it a nice low center of gravity."
Stan: "Yeah, I don't have that low center of gravity, my spare tire on the back screws it up."
*awkward silence*
Me: "....dude, I don't think that's really a factor...you drive an SUV, which is raised higher in general, with an I-4 mounted high in the front of the car. Your tire weighs like 40 pounds at most and your engine weighs at least 400-500 pounds."
Stan: "...Oh...I guess. I still think my tire screws with it."
Me: "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

9. Stan tried to have a competition with me about cars and offroad capability. Specifically about skid plates on cars. With me. I drive a fucking Jeep, motherfucker. Yes, I have skid-fucking-plates. No, of course your shitty compact crossover SUV wouldn't have skid plates, it doesn't even have a good engine. Now shut your goddamn mouth until you say something else short-bussy and quotable.

10. HE DRIVES SO BADLY 2 PEOPLE IN THE CAR GOT MOTION SICK. He would like....JERK the wheel 30 degrees to go against a smooth curve in the road. He also doesn't see why you should slowly decelerate to stop signs...

11. Reread number 10.

Did you do that? Good.

Stan: "There are SO many BAD drivers on the road!!!"
Me: (I've gotten so motion sick, I've pretty much lost my internal monologue at this point)"....Wow. I was about to say something very mean."
X: "Yeah, I totally agree."

12. Stan: "We're here! We're at the finish line!"

Stan then tried to give a high five to Intern X. By placing his hand literally in front of her boobs. It was dead quiet in the car for like 10 seconds. Then she moved his hand away...and he punched her flirtingly in the arm.

13. Stan: "Whenever you see me talking to a random person, I probably know them."

You wish Stan. More likely, you're bothering them, especially when you find out you have less than 3 degrees of separation from them.

14. Manager, as we're following the car Stan's in: "I can tell he's in there by the shape of his head."

15. In an elevator with Stan:
Intern South1: "Oh yeah, he's the person I was telling you about."
Intern South2: "Eh?"
IS1: "He's like a plant version of Alex."
IS2: "Oh. I mean, uh, good!"

16. We were walking through the airport when I saw some pretty awesome architecture. I started my previsualization so that I could imagine the shot before I took it. I made this kinda obvious as I slowed my walking down and started looking around.

Stan, after watching me for like 30 seconds, turned to Intern X and said "This architecture looks pretty significant." And whipped his phone out in like 2 seconds before I could even open my bag. Possibly to make it seem like I was copying his shots to the rest of the (very tardy) group.

I try not to see too much of Stan this summer, I feel very uncomfortable around him.

Renew!

More posts!

1. Stan talked constantly about how his 21st birthday was coming up. Mostly to the twins. He then looked up the caloric value of beer and debated drinking since he didn't want a beer belly.

2. Stan told this to some of us:

"Hey, I just had a brilliant idea! You know how they keep complaining that it costs more to make a penny than it's worth? Well why not get some chemical engineers in there and have them make it cheaper? I'm going to be so successful when I'm in the business world."

3. He also said this to people who were not me. Nor were they in earshot of me because I would've ripped him a new one. Especially with a post that comes later!

"I almost saved the company I co-oped for half a million dollars. Too bad they said it was against the rules. Darn patents and stuff."

4. A lot of people were in a small apartment having a party. Like 20 people? With alcohol? On a 93+ degree day.

Girl that Stan has been hitting on pretty much every single time I see them together: "It's really hot in here."
Stan: "It's because I'm here."

5. Same girl as in Number 4 drives a 10 year old beat up Subaru. Stan said it'd be cool to pimp.

6. Stan was wearing the shirt with distillation columns at work and decided to tell everyone else about how much better our major is TO people. And explaining why the shirt was so good.

7. Stan eavesdropped on a conversation about computers and started talking about his work computer and all the programs it has. Which, by extension, are all the programs that EVERYONE has. And if they don't have them? Clicking like 4 links gets them downloaded.

8. Lastly! Remember number 3?

Young Manager 1: "Did Stan cause a Quality Incident last fall?"
Young Manager 2: "I don't think so, since if he did, he would not get invited back this summer."

Stan's former officemate: "Now remember, if you do run anything, say, you run an experiment to test a new kind of glue. Make sure that you put the product on hold or else it becomes a QI and there's all kinds of trouble."
Girl now working in Stan's former department: "Has that ever happened before?"
SFO: "Stan did it last fall."

Remember, as co-ops, companies are legally bound to let us serve 2 terms.

Enjoy!

Long Time, But Was It Worth It?

1. I went to office hours for help on some homework. Naturally, since our homework seems fucking impossible in this specific class, there was a line. I think I was 3rd. Stan was 5th. He wanted to have a conversation with slot number 4.

Stan: "Yeah, so I forget what my file's called, but it's on my flash drive."
Number 4: "That's great."
Stan: *takes out flash drive with as much flair as he can...while it's attached to a neck lanyard and like 6 keys* "On my flash drive that's right here."

For some reason, he still believes that conversations are only him talking. He continued by...narrating...his phone call list...like who he called, who called him, etc. Then he described the virtues of his standard flash drive and the wonders of the flash drive market.

2. I went to the computer lab to try to print some stuff. All the computers were taken and I knew I'd only be around for like 20 seconds. I saw one computer that was unoccupied, but someone had logged in on it. There was also no screensaver or lock or anything, so the person probably just went up to the bathroom. The person sitting right next to the computer was, unfortunately, Stan. I was in a rush and asked him about the computer.

Me: "Who was using this computer?"
Stan: "That was.........................someone who was just using that recently, he was just here."
Me: *under breath* ".....fucking useless." *Proceeds to use computer and print*

3. From someone older and more experienced with Stan:
"In the middle of your exam, Stan started cracking up for no reason. First, I thought he mighta been losing it or something. When I graded his exam, I realized that he was indeed laughing. The part of the exam where your professor wrote that another professor was a master on the subject? Yeah, he wrote out 'LOL.' There was also a diagram that was designed to help us solve a question. Some of us didn't use it. Stan was also one of those people. He wrote: 'I didn't know how to use this diagram.' And then drew a foot in mouth smiley face all over the page."

4. There are two twins that are classmates of ours. That one sentence, btw, has probably done more to give away the secrecy of this blog than anything else. Anyway, apparently Stan told one of them "You know, you're sister's a lot smarter than you are." That's a rumor. Supposedly, he kept talking to them and eventually one of them just said "SHUT UP YOU ARE SO OBNOXIOUS." Also, a rumor?

What isn't a rumor?

Me: "So...how do you two feel about him anyway?"
Twin 1: ".....We think he's really obnoxious....and offensive...so we just do the same thing back to him whenever we talk to him."
Me: "I see. Listen, take these cards. Go there when you're bored."

Fuck. I had more notes, but they're not showing up in my notepad. This update was kinda disappointing for me, actually.

OMG UPDATE WTF BBQ

GOTCHA!!!!

No seriously, maybe this weekend. Just pretend this is a late April Fools' Day joke.

Back Again

Hey, I have a meeting soonish, so this will be a brief post. Any content is good content right?

1. Stan and I are in the same major at school. Our major is pretty much measured by our two capstone courses; these courses really test students and are pretty much the whole point of studying this major (imo). Stan was telling other people that he wanted to find a hard working group so that he wouldn't have to do any work in these courses. He also wanted to take them pass/fail.

2. Stan spent a long time bragging about "getting a Master's" in a semester. He changed this to getting an MEng in a semester after he got back to school, or graduating a semester early.
He told some people that his advisor told him he wasn't smart enough.

3. Stan tried to graph a temperature or pressure profile with a donut graph. Here is info on donut graphs: http://ib005.k12.sd.us/Excel%20WebQuest/donut_chart.htm

When he told me what he did, he complained:

"Donut graphs were so useless! It just made concentric circles!"

4. Stan and I are in the same extracurricular academic club. However, he has never done any work for his position...and thinks he's doing his job right. Our constitution allows people to nominate themselves for elections. Stan had taken advantage of this fact (and the willingness of seniors to play pranks on us) to get his position. He had this conversation with some other people:

Stan: "So, what're you gonna nominate yourself for?"
Girl: ".....I'm not nominating myself for anything...that seems pretty pointless."
Guy: "Yeah, if you have to nominate yourself for something, you're probably not going to get it anyway."
Girl: "Yeah...it'd also be kinda sad."

.....Stan....went....and nominated himself for pretty much every position he was eligible for. He, unsurprisingly, lost every election. He proceeded to tell our outgoing president the following:

"You guys should change the constitution so that if someone runs for almost every position, they should at least get something."

And walked out.

5. We had an exam where we were supposed to analyze a graph, use equations, and come up with constants in the equations. There was a given condition that made us able to do the problems. After the exam, Stan was yelling his methodology to a female classmate.

Stan: "Yeah, so you have that given condition?"
Girl: *Looks disinterested* "Sure."
Stan: "Yeah, then, you just take the numbers off the graph. So-"
Girl turns away from Stan. Like....full back to him.
Stan: *steps in FRONT of girl* "Boom, no math.

6. We were in the computer lab and the solutions to the exam were posted. Stan looked up the solutions and insisted that "everything looks familiar, so I'm sure I aced it." Despite the fact that there was, actually, some decent math.

7. Still in the same computer lab, he was supposed to finish a pset for his partner. He started talking about his waterproof phone to two people, and I started to burst out laughing and had to leave the lab for a good three minutes to calm down. When I reentered the lab, two of my friends looked at me and giggled, forcing me to leave for another three minutes.

8. We're all still in the computer lab, Stan walked up to a person who worked at our Co-Op location before we did and bragged about policy changes that we benefited from. Specifically vacation days. Stan talked about them for a long time.

9. Also in the computer lab, Stan bragged about the professors he has or has had during the summer to other kids. He most definitely has not progressed past two words on the pset.

Also, he's being annoying.

10. Aaaaand from a friend of ours:

Stan consulting with TA over something...TA looks tired
Other student: "Hey TA, I have a question."
TA: "On what?"
OS: "Just come over here. I need you to explain something to me."
TA leaves Stan and heads towards OS.
OS: "I actually didn't have a question, you just looked distressed talking to Stan, so I called you over."

Oh wait, I finished my posts. Yay! Fast typing! Hope this meets the usual quality.

First in a Long Time

Hey, sorry, haven't really had time to post anything.

Stan's actually sitting 2 rows away from me right now.

1. We had a pretty bad storm during the winter that froze everything that fell. I went outside to clean the ice off my windshield and so did Stan.

Me: *Scraping politely*
Stan: "Hey, do you have to fight your car to get the ice off?"
Me: "....uh...no....actually."

2. His idea to clean his car's windshield was to slam on the hood of the car three times. He then executed this idea. To little result.

3. The other day I walked into the hallway to see Stan brushing his teeth and such in the hallway sink. Him using mouthwash is like the most disgusting thing you could imagine. The directions recommend like...what...2/3 of an ounce? Not even a shotglass of mouthwash. Stan definitely just filled his mouth with the stuff since when he went to spit it out, he was pouring mouthwash out of his mouth for a full 4 seconds. Try spitting. See how long it takes. Now you know.

Also, he decided not to bend down to the sink to avoid splashback. He just tilted his head a little bit and opened the valve that is his mouth.

4. Stan was moving out and he made a huge deal about how he was moving the toaster oven out. I know, Stan, it's yours. Keep it. Honestly, my notes just say "moving toaster oven out." It's been so long that I've forgotten what that means.

5. Stan wanted to take his food with him when he went home.

Stan: "Could you label the stuff in the fridge that's yours?"
Me: "....It's already split like...level by level or straight down the middle. Also...just...don't take what isn't yours."
Stan: "Yeah, but it'd be easier for me if everything was labeled."
Me: "...."

6. I stopped talking or making sound for a few minutes. So did he. Suddenly:

Stan: "You there?"
Me: "....Yeah...?"
Stan: "Oh, ok, so I found this random thing on the internet..."

Shame on me for thinking he was asking about my concern, like I suddenly fell over and died or something.

7. Stan walked by my room and loudly said "Why is my bank account so big, oh right, I remember."

8. My notes just say "water dries." I think he was wondering why he had something damp that simply became dry, but I can't remember.

9. Stan: "I took a space heater from upstairs (landlady's house). I'll just leave it here next to your room."
Me: "...Shouldn't you....put the space heater back where you found it?"
Stan: "No, it's fine here. You can move it."
Me: "....I have no idea where you got that from. Also, it'd be inconvenient for our landlady since she'll probably look for the space heater..."
Stan: "Nah, it's fine."
Me: "...Just put it back."
Stan: "Fine."

10. Stan: "Are you bringing stuff home for Christmas?"
Me: "I have like a 6 hour drive, and it would just make things difficult. Especially since I'd just have to bring it back to school."
Stan: "Yeah, that's why I like only living 2 hours away from here. I'll just bring it all back, and if I wanted to, I could come back and just get more stuff. Plus it's easy for me to drop it back off at school."

Stan? Bragging? Nooooo... Never happens.

11. Stan: "Huh, I didn't remember eating this soup, but the can's empty and I have a dirty bowl and spoon, so I must've."

12. We came back to school, and I thought I wouldn't have to write this blog as much. Nope. Stan spent pretty much the first week repeating other people's answers in class. Just saying them about 10 times louder.

13. Stan was eating a cookie loudly. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU DO THAT

14. We have a computer lab at school. 1/3 are nice, new computers. The other 2/3 are slower, beat up, older computers, but still usable. Stan was like yelling at someone or about something about how the older computers aren't that much slower. Even though they ARE significantly slower. After the speech, Stan went and took a newer computer.

15. Someone had printed their schedule three times, and to shame the mystery person, the extra copies were hung on the wall. Several seniors were taking a break or something and reading the schedule. Stan jumped out of his chair and tried to make small talk with the seniors and seem popular. By reading the schedule louder than everyone else. Word for word.

16. Stan: *Bragging* "I have a friend who has 763 Facebook friends at this school."

Stan, first off, that says nothing about your OWN popularity. Second, the amount of people who actually like that "763 friends" person are countable on one hand.

17. Stan: "If you don't have your number in your Facebook profile, why have a Facebook account?"

There's plenty of reasons, Stan. Social/professional networking, photo sharing, event planning. Basically, just because you use it solely to stalk the hell out of people (myself included), doesn't mean everyone else does.

18. I was walking to my mailbox when I saw Stan walking tough and muscular. I lol'd

19. Our professor asked us which TV scientist claimed that explosions were when "things get very large very fast." TV. Scientist. Explosions. Stan claimed that Mr. Rogers was the one who said this. Yes, endearing, sweater-wearing, Mr. Rogers.

20. I was looking for a professor and couldn't find him in his office. I then walked to his graduate students' offices, which were right outside our mailboxes. Stan arrived and was checking his mailbox while staring at me. I was peering into the windows to see if the professor was in the grad student offices. When I didn't see him, I began to open the door so I could ask one of the grad students. My hand was 2 inches from the handle when:

Stan: "Who are you looking for?"
Me: "...Professor [soandso]."
Stan: "Never heard of him."
Me: "....*opens door*"

I knew that, Stan. I also know that you don't know any of the grad students in the room.

More will come later, I'm tired.

From the Ashes.

Welcome back. I realized that this blog's popularity had far exceeded my initial expectations. I decided to restart the blog. After all, Stan will always be Stan. I have a feeling that updates will be even more sporadic since I won't interact with Stan as much as I did before, but there will be content posted.

Also, my time back here at school has shown me the wonders of young students taking freshman classes. Look to the right to see the link to what will be nicknamed the "Econ Blog."

Lastly, I found 3 entries in my notes that need to be posted. Yes, it's true, I forgot to post some content! Look for it soon.

Over

My time living with Stan came to an end a few weeks ago.  I wanted to put up one last post fixing an apparent goof I made.

Stan's phone does have voice dialing.  He just:

1.  Didn't use it for some reason or another for a year.  Probably because he didn't know how.
2.  He used voice dialing while holding the phone as if he was only pressing buttons.  So, screen about 16 inches away from face.  He only used it while sitting around doing nothing.  Not while driving or doing something else that required both hands.

Enjoy!

Mouse Problem

1.  Stan laughed today like a hyper monkey.

2.  Stan started doing the voice dialing thing again...like...slowly and clearly pronouncing each word like a command.  Cept, remember, his phone does not have voice dialing.

3.  There was snow on the road and I decided to be nice and offer a ride to the grocery store or WalMart so he could get stuff.  He drives a sedan and I thought he might have trouble getting out.

Me: "Do you need or want to go to WalMart or the grocery store or anything?  Anything at all?  Like batteries?"  Notice how I'm hinting that he should get batteries for his mouse.
Stan: "Nope.  Don't need anything after I took that wired mouse from upstairs.  Gotta think outside the box."

Now...I think...it's quite rude to steal from your landlady.  Especially since he's gone and made her computer useless.  When he can use his trackpad.  But, that's just me.

4.  I opened my cabinet and found mouse poop on the shelf.  

Me: "Yo, we have a mouse problem."
Stan: "How can you tell?"
Me: "Mouse poop.  Look."

I removed my box of crackers from the shelf and the open pack had several crackers that were gnawed away.

Stan: "Yup, that would be the culprit."

I moved other stuff around so we could see if anything else was eaten.  Also, I wanted to clean the mouse poop away from the shelf and my stuff.

Me: *moving a metal can and glass jar away and looking at the bottom of each*
Stan: "I don't think mice will eat through that *with attitude*."
Me: "...I'm looking for poop, dude."
Stan: "Oh."
Me: "Oh well."
Stan: "Did you find any open packages?"
Me: "....You mean....besides....the crackers...?"
Stan: "....Yeah, the crackers."
Me: "......ok....Well, also, I have no idea what this piece of plastic is for.  Looks like it was part of the heater."
Stan: "Yeah.  I don't know.  Maybe part of the refridgerator or the heater.  *looks away at heater* Yeah it was part of the heater."
Me: "..."
Stan: *walks away like he's going to solve the mouse problem, only to talk to his family about something entirely different*

Sick Delay

Sorry all, I got really sick and couldn't update for a while. Strep throat is nasty business...made better through Motrin, raw garlic pieces, and Robitussin.

Anyway, long post again, so here we go.

1. Stan had gotten into a car accident. To quote him, he was "t-boned." In any case, he had called me and told me that his car was damaged and to watch out for the damaged CR-V and a rental car sitting in the parking lot. He told me two days after the fact. As in, he called me Sunday to tell me he got into a car accident on Friday. Anyway, when I got back, I looked over his car briefly and talked to him about it.

Stan: "Yeah, the side, two wheels, part of the front. It's really pretty bad. The other car just went right into my side."
Me: "How fast were you going?"
Stan: "45."
Me: "How fast was the other car going?"
Stan: "15 mph."
Me: "..."
Stan: "He was accelerating, though!"

By looking at the damage, it didn't really look like a "t-bone," it looked more like the other car scraped like <5 inches in for half the length of the car.

Me: "You know it really doesn't look THAT bad. Doesn't look like there'll be any frame damage, just cosmetic stuff."
Stan: "Yeah, but the frame is probably gone."
Me: "..."

2. Oh sorry, I probably shoulda backed up to when I actually got home. Or before that. See during the call on Sunday he had told me that he had gotten whiplash. When I arrived home, I had both arms full and couldn't open the door. In the rain. With snow all around me, melting and sloshing. Our door has a window that faces into the living room, where Stan was very comfortably laid out on the couch. We established eye contact and he didn't even acknowledge my presence. Then, I struggled to readjust all my stuff to unlock and open the door. Only then did he say hi.

3. I walked to the sink and was horrified. All of our glasses, 3 pots and pans, and several plates and sets of silverware were sitting in the sink, soaking in water. Not soapy water, just water.

Me: "Holy."
Stan: "Yeah, sorry, I couldn't do the dishes because I couldn't really move around without pain. I shouldn't be doing a lot of exertion."

That. Was probably a bold faced lie so he could be extra lazy. After I got home, he literally followed me everywhere in the house for 20 mins, walking and talking. Clearly, he was not hurting as bad as he claimed. Not bad enough to avoid doing dishes at least.

Me: "Just clean one glass for now. I don't think it's fair that I should have to do your dishes."
Stan: "If I can, maybe."

He did his exercises from his doctor. 15 mins after that, he washed one glass. With attitude.

4. I had broken a glass trying to fill my water pitcher in the sink. There was simply no room to move around in there and I ended up hitting one of the glasses with my pitcher as I was rinsing it out. I put the pieces on the table top at eye level so that I could see it and put all the pieces inside a paper bag, once I found one. Like. The pieces were right above the sink, directly under the lights. But I couldn't find a paper bag.

Me: "Stan, do you have any paper bags?"
Stan: *at sink* "No. What do you need it for?"
Me: "...That broken glass. *point right in front of him*"
Stan: "What broken glass?"
Me: "..............That one. *repoint*"
Stan: "Where?"
Me: "Right in front of you."
Stan: "Oh. So *smugly*, you broke a glass too huh?"
Me: "Yeah. There was too much stuff in the sink."

5. Stan always leaves his bananas out on a plate in the kitchen. There was only one there and it was very very overripe.

Stan: "I don't understand, I ate that banana's twin two days ago and it wasn't that ripe."

6. Stan likes to take his metal cans from food and soak them in water. I guess to clean them or something, I dunno. I always just swish out the food remainder, peel the label, and put it in the metal recycling, but whatever. Stan had left two cans soaking for 3 days. He then wondered why the cans rusted.

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WET METAL DOES WHEN EXPOSED TO AIR, TARDBUCKET

7. Stan took the dry dishes in the dish rack and wiped them with a wet towel before placing them in the cupboards. Maybe he thought he was helping. By defeating the action we left evaporation to do.

8. I had started getting quite sick and didn't know why yet. Stan had offered me cough drops one night, but I told him I'd try to find my own since I have 2 bags lying around somewhere. The next morning, I couldn't find them.

Me: "Stan, can I have some of the cough drops you were talking about? I couldn't find mine."
Stan: "......Yeah. Let me see if I have any."

We then walked towards his room together, with me following a step behind. When he got inside his room, he shut the door in my face. Like, trailing foot in, door shut. He didn't slam, just shut very quickly. He did almost hit me in the nose.

9. Stan walked into the house and towards his room. He stuck his hand up in the same direction as his walking and pressed the remote lock button on his car remote. His car locked, but why he was facing totally perpendicular to his car, I will never figure out. It's not like he didn't know where the thing was; he's parked there every day and he can actually see his car through the huge kitchen window.

10. Stan wanted to get a different rental car. He didn't like how his car didn't have Anti-lock brakes. How did he know? He tested the brakes. By slamming hard when going 15 mph. While it was snowing. On an icy road. He was right about the car not having ABS, but I don't think it's fair for him to claim that the only reason why his car kept veering to the sides while he was braking was due to lack of ABS.

11. Stan: "I'm glad I have a Honda. The tow truck only had to take it to [dealership] (a 30-40 minute drive). I'm so much more fortunate than you as that's far more reasonable for me."
Me: "................You....are aware that....there's a Jeep dealership downtown. So...like...5 minutes away."
Stan: "....Ok."

12. Me: "Yeah, our landlord was here earlier saying that the main road through town wasn't even plowed."
Stan: "Wow. How'd she get here then? Did she take her Mercedes or her Jeep?"
Me: "I didn't see, but I'm guessing she took her Jeep."
Stan: "Yeah, well, you mean Ted's Jeep."
Me: ".....*thinking, wtf is wrong with this kid, he's pretty much correcting himself* Sure."
Stan: "That's better."
Me: "....Anyway, yeah, I didn't see her car. She left not long afterwards."

13. Stan: "Do you have any AA batteries?"
Me: "Somewhere. I don't know where though, I've been looking for them."
Stan: "I need some to finish my final presentation."
Me: "...Don't you have a laptop? Can't you use the trackpad?"
Stan: "BAH, that'll mean it'll take FOREVER!"
Me: "......Right, well, I don't know where my batteries are."
Stan: "I guess I'll manage then."

Good news! He's moving out this Friday! I don't know why or how he did it but he's coming back to work in January for like 4 days. This makes no sense to me. Why would you be done with your final presentation, basically stop working, and come back for 4 days? Just stay home. You're done. If they're paying him for a longer vacation than most of the people at work take, then I should be able to get a week off no problem. Anyway, he's not moving back in, so I'm happy.

HR Person at work: "I don't really know what he was thinking, coming from home. But, if he really wants to drive 40 mins one way...in the terrible snow...in a hilly area....with narrow, dark roads, that's his choice."

**Edit**

Some stuff I forgot and just got this afternoon

1.  So Stan needed a hot pad and a cold pad for his sore areas after his car accident.  Remember, I saw him...two days...after the accident happened.

Stan: "OHHHHH, I probably shouldn't keep the hot pad in the freezer."

2.  When I woke up this afternoon, Stan IMMEDIATELY opened the door and said hi.  It was creepy.

3.  Stan in the kitchen to his phone: "Phonebook.  Call.  [Name].  Ok."

His phone...does not have voice recognition.

4.  Remember Stan's mouse dilemma?

Stan: "I fixed my mouse problem!  I went upstairs and took our landlady's mouse off her computer.  Can you believe that it's a USB mouse with a ball?"

Yes, Stan.  What I can't believe is that you stole our landlady's mouse.  Oh wait.  No.  I can believe that.  I just didn't think you'd actually do it.

**End Edit**

Couple Days

1.  Stan left a butter tub in the sink with water sitting in it for days.  I would've confronted him earlier but he didn't come back home.  When he did, I spoke to him.

Me: "Stan, why is this plastic tub sitting in the sink?"
Stan: "It's a butter tub.  I was soaking it to get rid of the butter."

Ok.  First off, 3 seconds with a soapy sponge, which we have, would've gotten rid of it immediately. Second off, I know he failed orgo, but, butter is for all intents and purposes, a fat.  A lipid.  An organic substance.  As in, not water soluble.  Hence, why butterbells (which are amazing) work.  A butterbell has two pieces, a cup and a bell shape.  The bell shape is filled with butter and the cup with water.  The bell part goes into the cup and keeps the butter at water temperature to keep it spreadable and reduces the speed of going bad.  But, the butter doesn't dissolve in the water.  So, Stan left oily water in a plastic tub for two days.

2.  Stan shaved one day and didn't rinse the sink.  Which made brushing my teeth an endeavor.  When I saw him at lunch, I told him that he needs to wash the sink after he shaves.  He claimed he did.  I pointed out that he didn't.  He sounded defensive again, but said he'd try to remember next time.

3.  Stan left at 4 in the morning one day.  I know because he had the common courtesy to slam his bedroom door, which is right outside of mine.  In addition, he was completely unable to leave the shower door open, as I reqested and he acknowledged.

4.  Later that day, I told Stan that he needed to leave the shower door open.  He said he did.  I said he didn't.  He then asked which door I was talking about.  I said again, shower door.  Glass door.  Stan thought I was talking about the wood bathroom door.  Silly Stan.

5.  Someone goofed at work.  New hires are given a gift pack a few weeks after they start, but for some reason, only a few people got them this year.  And those few, of whom Stan was one, got like 10 of them, but in a staggered way.  He had gotten 4 and given them to his family (I think, the boxes disappeared).  Then all of a sudden he got 6 more.  All the boxes are the same.  I joked that if he didn't want one, I could take one.  He said he'd think about it.  The next day at work he told me that he was going to graciously give me one of his boxes.  The opened one.  I didn't understand why he opened the box, seeing as how he might have to return it anyway, so I asked.  

Stan: "I was wondering if they were all the same."
Me: "Probably."

So, I started going through the box since he insisted that I keep it.

Me: "Oh hey, this is nice, I think I use this anyway."
Stan: "What?  Wait, I didn't see this before."

Stan then proceeded to dump out the entire contents of the box into the hallway and rummaged through.  And he refused to put things back in the way they came, so the box didn't shut anymore and I had to repack it.

Me: "THANKS.  Stan."
Stan: "Yeah sorry.  Apparently, some things in the package are different."
Me: "...But...you already went through the box before."
Stan: "Yeah."

6.  Our table has an ion filtering fan on it to get rid of smells.  Which, come to think of it, since Stan turned it off, our kitchen has smelled like garlic.  Lemme go fix that.  Never mind, it's on low, but now the buttons are stuck.

Anyway, he moved it off so he could sit and eat.  I told him that he could take the normal chair as I was going to eat in my room and do some work/chores.  Stan told me to "eat wherever I want," as if he was giving me orders and owned the house.

7.  When my friends came over to visit, they had prepared a salad.  To make said salad, they used a clear plastic bowl that I had never seen before they arrived.  Stan was making dinner one day:

Stan: "Have you seen that clear plastic bowl?"
Me: "No."
Stan: "I found out it's a good salad bowl."
Me: "I thought that belonged to my friends.  Thought they bought it, since I had never seen it before they came over."
Stan: "Yeah, that's when I discovered it."

I think by "discover," he means saw it being used.  So that he could take credit for it.

8.  Stan was talking about something he was doing.  Something about a long day later this week.  I thought he was trying to make conversation, and I wanted to seem nice while I was putting on my jacket to leave.

Me: "Yeah, just to let you know, I'm going into work at 6 in two days."
Stan: "Ouch..........Not as bad as 4."

I shoulda realized he just wanted a competition.

9.  Stan on the phone with his friend: "Is ritalin an antidepressant? .......That's a pretty old prescription."

No WONDER why his friends think he's so smart!

10.  Me: "Stan, you gotta keep the shower door open."
Stan: "I did."
Me: "I just used the bathroom, and the shower door was shut and you were the last person to use it."
Stan: "Well, I definitely left it open."
Me: "Right.  Just like how you're doing the recycling?"
*Motion to egg carton on floor.  That's been there for 3 days.*
Stan: "I don't see YOU doing your recycling!"
Me: "...You mean that pizza box that's too dirty to be recycled?"
Stan: "...*places egg carton in bag for plastic recycling*"
Me: "..."
Stan: *places cardboard tube into plastic recycling*
Me: "Yeah, no, try that again."
Stan: *opens cabinet and rearranges plastics*
Me: "No, I meant the cardboard in the plastics."
Stan: "*attitude* That's why I opened the cabinet? To get another plastic bag?"
Me: "Yup, that's also why you put the cardboard tube into the plastics?"
Stan: "......*gets new plastic bag*"

Shower Door

So, our shower is in a very small and poorly ventilated bathroom.  It is also sort of like a glass booth.  As such, every time I shower, I make sure to leave the shower door open so that all the moisture can dry faster, therby discouraging mildew, mold, and what have you from forming.  Stan has never left the door open.  Ever.  

Stan: "I'm going to shower now."
Me: "Ok, as long as you mean it this time."
Stan: "What?"
Me: "Last time you showered at night, you said you were going to shower between 9 and 930, and you showered at 1030, when I wanted and normally shower."
Stan: "Sorry."
Me: "Make sure to leave the shower door open from now on, though."
Stan: "What?"
Me: "....You know why, right?"
Stan: *With attitude* "So that nothing grows..."
Me: "Right."
Stan: "Well, I always leave the door open."
Me: "....No.  No, you don't.  You always leave the door closed."
Stan: *long pause* "That must be the door slamming whenever I leave for work in the morning!"
Me: "..."
Stan: "There's always the sound of a door slamming whenever I shut the outside door.  That must be it.  I always leave the shower door open."
Me: "....Well, whatever, but it's always closed whenever I come home....and you're the only other person living here."
Stan: "No, I always leave the door open. *leaves*"

Well...no...even when he showers at night, he leaves the door closed.  I know because I shower later and the room is moist...and the door is shut.

Also, it's been 15 mins, and he still hasn't gone to shower.

*Edit*

So, Stan walked by 20 mins after he said he was going to shower and he was "on the phone."  Dunno if he just did that "look I'm important" thing again, but in any case, I needed to use the bathroom and I didn't want to wait in case he stayed on the phone for a long time.  So I grabbed my shower stuff and went.  As I'm using the bathroom:

Stan: "Um.  In case you didn't notice my stuff is in the shower."
Me: "....Ok..."
Stan: "Yeah."
Me: "It's been over 20 mins."
Stan: "Well, 20 mins ago, I said I was going to be in the shower within 15 minutes."
*Silence except for me USING THE BATHROOM*
Stan: "....So, that's still within margin of error."
Me: *Thinking* "Stan, this is not Orgo where the professor took pity on you and bumped your grade up: 33% is not a good number and is definitely not a B-."
Me: "Ok."
Silence as I'm now washing my hands and not coming out.
Stan: "What're you going to do with my stuff?"
Me: "...Put it on the sink."
Stan: "Ok, thanks."
*Sound of angry footsteps*
Me: *loudly* "Try to be more reliable, Stan!"

If I actually could trust him, I wouldn't have cared that he was 5 mins late.  But, he's proven time and time again that I just can't trust him.

*End Edit*