I sat in my room and enjoyed a quiet dinner; I forgot to turn on music, wasn't watching any videos, and Stan was not in the house. I decided to have a little dessert: Brie on crackers. As I proceeded to spread the somewhat decent brie on some rather bland crackers (the best ones I could find in the local grocery store, I'm afraid), Stan returned home. He walked by my door to say hello and then stopped in the door frame for 30 seconds, staring at me.
Me: "...Wh-"
Stan: "OH, I was confused about what you were doing." *Walks away*
I really don't see why he couldn't be more normal and just ask or something, but, hey, it's Stan.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Kind of Ridiculous.
Heads up, a huge update heading your way.
** Over the weekend, I heard a story about Stan and a girl. He had told her that she was "a good girl to bring home to the parents." If that wasn't awkward enough, he then invited her to dinner with his parents. If this quote needs to be removed, it shall be done.
1. When we moved in, I had gotten cartons of large size eggs. Stan had gotten medium sized ones when he went to the grocery store. Of course, Stan asked me several times in the first two weeks whether the large ones were mine or his. But that's not the point. This week, I was making breakfast and thought I'd have eggs. When I opened the refrigerator I saw a box of large eggs, but I had sworn that I had finally finished my carton last week. I remembered Stan telling me that I could use his food if I had to, so I just took some eggs and went about my business. The next morning, I realized my milk was bad, so I just had eggs again. After breakfast, I go brush my teeth. The second day I had eggs, I went and brushed my teeth like normal. Stan stood in the shadows for 45 seconds and stared at me before I felt something extremely odd and threatening and turned to look.
Stan: "Were you eating my eggs?"
Me: *nods head, keeps brushing teeth*
Stan: "Ok, good, I thought I was going crazy."
2. We worked out a system for recycling the very first week we were here. We would put up plastic bags to hold things; separate bags for plastics, metals, and glass. Stan has left a plastic jub and cardboard cereal box on the floor for a week. Even though said bags were already mounted on the wall by me. At waist level. As in, he'd have to see the bags in order to put the crap on the floor. White bags. On a brown wall.
3. Our office has a special lunch program that happens once in a while. Basically, we eat hot dogs for really cheap. I knew about this early last week and didn't really pay it any mind. I love hot dogs, but I had other things to take care of. Yesterday, Stan did his creepy stick his head into my room and not say anything for a while or knock and when I finally acknowledged his presence, he had words of wisdom to say:
Stan: "So hot dog truck tomorrow."
Me: "Yup, I knew last we-"
Stan: "It's a good deal, 2 for a $1, wouldn't you say?"
Me: "Yeah, but I alre-"
Stan: "I'm going to eat so many *walks away*"
4. Stan does not seem to acknowledge personal space at all. He had no hesitation walking right into my room to put give me a receipt I left on a table in the living room. Right onto my bed. And then he told me why he walked into my room as he was leaving. It was quite frightening as I was sitting down and reading stuff online and all of a sudden he jumped out of nowhere.
5. Stan: "Why is my checking account balance so high? *looks at statements online* Oh right, I've been paid twice."
6. When I got home tonight, I realized that we were short a few drinking glasses. When I left for work this morning, we had the normal amount, so common sense says that Stan had something to do with the glasses.
Me: "Stan, what happened to our glasses?"
Stan: "I didn't do anything, they're in the drying rack."
Me: "Yeah...not so much."
Stan: "Oh. I'll probably find them when I'm cooking."
*pause*
Stan: "I have a tendency to lose stuff as I'm using it. Like, I've lost bagels and things like that as I'm eating them."
Me: "...."
Stan: "Also, I've broken two glasses already."
Me: "....What...how, these glasses are pretty strong."
Stan: "Not at all, they're totally flimsy."
Me: *thinking: I've accidentally dropped glasses onto pans in the drying rack*
Stan: "I just tapped two glasses together and they broke."
Me: "....Nice."
Keep in mind that these glasses belong to the landlord, not us...and he didn't tell either of us til now.
30 minutes later.
Stan: "I found the glasses. I put them in the pantry next to my cereal."
7. So, pretty much everything house related has been provided for us already. Including bedsheets. Stan asked today where his extra ones were. As if we'd be provided with extra stores of things that aren't even usually given anyway.
8. Stan and I have had several conversations about phones and providers. Basically, every conversation ends with him declaring how much better his stuff is than mine. I let it pass because his provider does offer better coverage than mine and also because I don't see the point in talking with him anymore. He struck up another conversation about phones today and recommended locations where he had the best signal in or around the house. Even though we have totally different phones. And service providers.
9. We have an in-house instant message client. Stan jumped on the emoticons right away. He doesn't hesitate to use a picture of a baby sheep instead of the word "you" in normal conversation. And he's very proud of doing so. Keep in mind the emoticons are roughly the size of a capital E. So it isn't at all confusing or hard to figure out what the fuck he's talking about.
10. Stan discusses our production schedules on the phone with family. Initially, I confronted him because I thought I heard him mentioning a product that's not on the shelves. Instead he was mentioning what his team was making and when. Either of which is a big no no.
11. I own and use a very expensive camera. Obviously, I would not have such a camera if I didn't know a little bit on how to use it. Stan saw some of my pictures online today.
Stan: "Your pictures are really good. I don't know how you did it. I have trouble taking pictures of [stationary machine]."
12. He literally just did this as I was about to close this post. We had bought 2 colanders, one metal and one plastic. We agreed that one would be used when anything was hot. Guess which one. We got the colanders 4 weeks ago.
Stan: "So, I'm confused about the two colanders. Can we just use them for whatever?"
Me: "....Well....one...is for hot things...or for heat resistance...like straining just-boiled pasta..."
Stan: "Oh. Ok. I've been using the metal one for that. And the plastic one for like salads."
Me: "Great. Keep at it."
Stan: "Just wanted to make sure we didn't designate the colanders for any specific tasks or anything."
Me: "...No, we did designate them."
Stan: "....OH YEAH."
**Edit 1**
13. Last week, I bought light bulbs for the lights in the hallway. I was nice and got normal lights. I was very tempted to get a green, a blue, and a normal. Just to screw with Stan. Just now:
Stan: "One of use should get 60 Watt lightbulbs for the lights in the bathroom."
Me: "Ok."
*15 second silence*
Me: "I bought the ones in the hallway."
Stan: "Oh, I guess I'll get them then."
**Edit 2...2 minutes after Edit 1**
14. Stan: "So you're going back in a few days?"
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "I'm going to hitch a ride with you. I need to sign a lease."
Me: "You're going to have to drive yourself."
Stan: "Why?"
Me: *thinking: Because I do not want to ride with you for a total of 4 hours in a tiny space* "There's a bunch of stuff in my car that I can't move out, and it has to stay in there."
Stan: "...Ok. Just thought I'd let you know a few days in advance."
I don't know if he actually listened to what I said.
** Over the weekend, I heard a story about Stan and a girl. He had told her that she was "a good girl to bring home to the parents." If that wasn't awkward enough, he then invited her to dinner with his parents. If this quote needs to be removed, it shall be done.
1. When we moved in, I had gotten cartons of large size eggs. Stan had gotten medium sized ones when he went to the grocery store. Of course, Stan asked me several times in the first two weeks whether the large ones were mine or his. But that's not the point. This week, I was making breakfast and thought I'd have eggs. When I opened the refrigerator I saw a box of large eggs, but I had sworn that I had finally finished my carton last week. I remembered Stan telling me that I could use his food if I had to, so I just took some eggs and went about my business. The next morning, I realized my milk was bad, so I just had eggs again. After breakfast, I go brush my teeth. The second day I had eggs, I went and brushed my teeth like normal. Stan stood in the shadows for 45 seconds and stared at me before I felt something extremely odd and threatening and turned to look.
Stan: "Were you eating my eggs?"
Me: *nods head, keeps brushing teeth*
Stan: "Ok, good, I thought I was going crazy."
2. We worked out a system for recycling the very first week we were here. We would put up plastic bags to hold things; separate bags for plastics, metals, and glass. Stan has left a plastic jub and cardboard cereal box on the floor for a week. Even though said bags were already mounted on the wall by me. At waist level. As in, he'd have to see the bags in order to put the crap on the floor. White bags. On a brown wall.
3. Our office has a special lunch program that happens once in a while. Basically, we eat hot dogs for really cheap. I knew about this early last week and didn't really pay it any mind. I love hot dogs, but I had other things to take care of. Yesterday, Stan did his creepy stick his head into my room and not say anything for a while or knock and when I finally acknowledged his presence, he had words of wisdom to say:
Stan: "So hot dog truck tomorrow."
Me: "Yup, I knew last we-"
Stan: "It's a good deal, 2 for a $1, wouldn't you say?"
Me: "Yeah, but I alre-"
Stan: "I'm going to eat so many *walks away*"
4. Stan does not seem to acknowledge personal space at all. He had no hesitation walking right into my room to put give me a receipt I left on a table in the living room. Right onto my bed. And then he told me why he walked into my room as he was leaving. It was quite frightening as I was sitting down and reading stuff online and all of a sudden he jumped out of nowhere.
5. Stan: "Why is my checking account balance so high? *looks at statements online* Oh right, I've been paid twice."
6. When I got home tonight, I realized that we were short a few drinking glasses. When I left for work this morning, we had the normal amount, so common sense says that Stan had something to do with the glasses.
Me: "Stan, what happened to our glasses?"
Stan: "I didn't do anything, they're in the drying rack."
Me: "Yeah...not so much."
Stan: "Oh. I'll probably find them when I'm cooking."
*pause*
Stan: "I have a tendency to lose stuff as I'm using it. Like, I've lost bagels and things like that as I'm eating them."
Me: "...."
Stan: "Also, I've broken two glasses already."
Me: "....What...how, these glasses are pretty strong."
Stan: "Not at all, they're totally flimsy."
Me: *thinking: I've accidentally dropped glasses onto pans in the drying rack*
Stan: "I just tapped two glasses together and they broke."
Me: "....Nice."
Keep in mind that these glasses belong to the landlord, not us...and he didn't tell either of us til now.
30 minutes later.
Stan: "I found the glasses. I put them in the pantry next to my cereal."
7. So, pretty much everything house related has been provided for us already. Including bedsheets. Stan asked today where his extra ones were. As if we'd be provided with extra stores of things that aren't even usually given anyway.
8. Stan and I have had several conversations about phones and providers. Basically, every conversation ends with him declaring how much better his stuff is than mine. I let it pass because his provider does offer better coverage than mine and also because I don't see the point in talking with him anymore. He struck up another conversation about phones today and recommended locations where he had the best signal in or around the house. Even though we have totally different phones. And service providers.
9. We have an in-house instant message client. Stan jumped on the emoticons right away. He doesn't hesitate to use a picture of a baby sheep instead of the word "you" in normal conversation. And he's very proud of doing so. Keep in mind the emoticons are roughly the size of a capital E. So it isn't at all confusing or hard to figure out what the fuck he's talking about.
10. Stan discusses our production schedules on the phone with family. Initially, I confronted him because I thought I heard him mentioning a product that's not on the shelves. Instead he was mentioning what his team was making and when. Either of which is a big no no.
11. I own and use a very expensive camera. Obviously, I would not have such a camera if I didn't know a little bit on how to use it. Stan saw some of my pictures online today.
Stan: "Your pictures are really good. I don't know how you did it. I have trouble taking pictures of [stationary machine]."
12. He literally just did this as I was about to close this post. We had bought 2 colanders, one metal and one plastic. We agreed that one would be used when anything was hot. Guess which one. We got the colanders 4 weeks ago.
Stan: "So, I'm confused about the two colanders. Can we just use them for whatever?"
Me: "....Well....one...is for hot things...or for heat resistance...like straining just-boiled pasta..."
Stan: "Oh. Ok. I've been using the metal one for that. And the plastic one for like salads."
Me: "Great. Keep at it."
Stan: "Just wanted to make sure we didn't designate the colanders for any specific tasks or anything."
Me: "...No, we did designate them."
Stan: "....OH YEAH."
**Edit 1**
13. Last week, I bought light bulbs for the lights in the hallway. I was nice and got normal lights. I was very tempted to get a green, a blue, and a normal. Just to screw with Stan. Just now:
Stan: "One of use should get 60 Watt lightbulbs for the lights in the bathroom."
Me: "Ok."
*15 second silence*
Me: "I bought the ones in the hallway."
Stan: "Oh, I guess I'll get them then."
**Edit 2...2 minutes after Edit 1**
14. Stan: "So you're going back in a few days?"
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "I'm going to hitch a ride with you. I need to sign a lease."
Me: "You're going to have to drive yourself."
Stan: "Why?"
Me: *thinking: Because I do not want to ride with you for a total of 4 hours in a tiny space* "There's a bunch of stuff in my car that I can't move out, and it has to stay in there."
Stan: "...Ok. Just thought I'd let you know a few days in advance."
I don't know if he actually listened to what I said.
Monday, October 1, 2007
The Dishes Are Always A Problem
Stan messaged me at work today saying that he forgot to do the dishes and that he'd do them right when he got home.
I got home and looked in the sink. Lo and behold, there were dirty dishes there. And they weren't even rinsed. The silverware was sitting in a bowl that once held cereal. I knew because little crumbs floated in the white water.
When he got home, he still didn't keep his word and waited a good 20 minutes before doing the dishes "right away," as he said he would at work and when he opened the door.
I got home and looked in the sink. Lo and behold, there were dirty dishes there. And they weren't even rinsed. The silverware was sitting in a bowl that once held cereal. I knew because little crumbs floated in the white water.
When he got home, he still didn't keep his word and waited a good 20 minutes before doing the dishes "right away," as he said he would at work and when he opened the door.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Awkward Moment
Stan called me and told me that he had been sitting in his car for a long time. Why didn't he come back into house, you say? Apparently, he was too afraid to come out of his car because of the rain, thunder, and lightning. He was...too scared....to move....10 feet.
When he did come back inside, I was on the phone and very into my conversation on the phone. So... I didn't pay him any attention. But he really wanted my attention or something, so he knocked on my door frame and waved at me for a good minute. Until I waved him away.
When he did come back inside, I was on the phone and very into my conversation on the phone. So... I didn't pay him any attention. But he really wanted my attention or something, so he knocked on my door frame and waved at me for a good minute. Until I waved him away.
Laundry and Music
Stan messaged me at work saying that he wanted to do laundry at 9 or 10 pm tonight. This isn't a huge concern to me, since I get home at the latest around 5. Regardless of whether or not he told me, if I had gotten home and done my laundry first, it gets done. For some reason, Stan thought that he "owned" the time slot from 9-10 pm and that if I was using the machines, I'd be encroaching on his time. Even if he hadn't told me beforehand.
I was listening to Rocketman in iTunes. My door was open.
Stan: "Good song."
Me: "Yup..." (common sense: "That's why I'm listening to it.")
Stan: "Rocketman."
Me: *thinking* "...did...he...just...tell me the name of the song...like I didn't know it?"
And remember, this is comment time, so whatever y'all want. I know two people are fine with what's being posted.
I was listening to Rocketman in iTunes. My door was open.
Stan: "Good song."
Me: "Yup..." (common sense: "That's why I'm listening to it.")
Stan: "Rocketman."
Me: *thinking* "...did...he...just...tell me the name of the song...like I didn't know it?"
And remember, this is comment time, so whatever y'all want. I know two people are fine with what's being posted.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
On Dishes and Comments
Stan approached me today about the dishes.
Stan: "Did you see?!?! The dishes are clean. I've been doing them after every meal."
Me: "Ok."
Forty five seconds of awkward silence followed, during which I realized that he was expecting a "thank you" for something he said he'd do like last week. And the week before that, technically.
Also, I've decided that I should do one post that's kinda dedicated to all the comments. I mean, I can't stop Stan from being himself, but I feel like sometimes the comments might get neglected. So, if there's anything you wanna know or if you'd like to hear a different story (one from before living with him, for example), let me know in the comments, and I'll try to answer them all for the next post.
Stan: "Did you see?!?! The dishes are clean. I've been doing them after every meal."
Me: "Ok."
Forty five seconds of awkward silence followed, during which I realized that he was expecting a "thank you" for something he said he'd do like last week. And the week before that, technically.
Also, I've decided that I should do one post that's kinda dedicated to all the comments. I mean, I can't stop Stan from being himself, but I feel like sometimes the comments might get neglected. So, if there's anything you wanna know or if you'd like to hear a different story (one from before living with him, for example), let me know in the comments, and I'll try to answer them all for the next post.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
More Apologies
Sorry guys, I know I missed my regular Monday update, but here's what's going on.
1. I had to eat lunch with him the other day. Probably one of the worst dining experiences ever...and I've been spit on, seen someone vomit at the table, and been surrounded by angry soccer moms with hyperactive children at McDonalds's. Thankfully, not all at the same meal. Stan eats...well....it's not so much chewing...the best analogy I can think of...is...imagine a front-loading washing machine with a clear door washing a load of colors. Just as colorful, visible, and loud.
2. At said lunch, I brought up the fact that I wasn't going to be home for a while after work. I was going to go to a farewell dinner for someone at work. I know I didn't know the guy who was leaving all that well, but I liked his company and his advice, so I thought I would pay my respects. I had emailed an RSVP several days in advance so that the dinner organizer could make reservations. This is what happened when I told him what I was doing that night.
Stan: "Really? There's a dinner for him?"
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "Ok, I think I'll go to that."
Me: "....*thinking* The concept of reservations seems to escape him totally* Well, it's for an affinity group, so you'd be quite out of place."
Stan: "....Oh...ok."
3. At work, we are encouraged to go meet with people all over the site in order to raise awareness of who we are. My boss and several others told me to never speak to the higher ups, even though it is encouraged, unless I was solid about what I was doing and made everything look good. As such, I didn't hesitate to meet with people from other teams, departments, higher and lower rank people, no big deal. Stan has only singled out higher ups...I'm fairly certain he's wasting time, as there's only so much interest one can generate from getting a floor painted.
4. On the same topic, Stan wanted to babysit contractors as they painted the floor white. Because there's so much that can go wrong.
5. I arrived home today and found Stan outside the apartment on his phone. All of the lights were off in the apartment, so I assumed he was locked out. I assumed wrongly, thank God. However, there was a new problem:
Stan: "There's a toad at our door. Called Mr. Toad."
Me: "Ok..."
Stan: "Yeah, and he won't move."
Me: "Ok...*starts nudging toad with shoe*"
Stan: "No, that really doesn't work unless you step on him."
Me: *grabs short wood chip from garden, pushes toad away*
Stan: "Oh...yeah...I was going to do that."
I wonder why he didn't. It sure looked like he was outside for a LONG time...considering the lights inside the house were off...and he had been inside already to drop off mail.
6. Stan asked his boss about any trails nearby our house. He told Stan there was one, so he went to go look for it after work. He found it. He said he took a right off the road and wondered why everything became so bumpy. After a few minutes, he realized he was driving on the riverbank.
7. Stan said his boss came to work before him and left at the same time he did, leaving Stan to claim that he worked more hours than his boss. Normally, I'd just assume brain fart. Except he made that claim like three times in two minutes.
8. He's making his retirement account already. Seems smart? Isn't retirement account money locked away until a certain age? So...what happens before he turns gray and senile? Oop...well, gray at least.
9. Stan asked me if I ate dinner already. I'd like to assume that he doesn't think I'm like him.
10. Stan came into my room to announce that he gave his Windows PC the start up and shut down sounds that are installed on Macs. And he didn't want to confuse me. I'm confused as to why...he doesn't just buy a Mac if he apparently likes them so much.
1. I had to eat lunch with him the other day. Probably one of the worst dining experiences ever...and I've been spit on, seen someone vomit at the table, and been surrounded by angry soccer moms with hyperactive children at McDonalds's. Thankfully, not all at the same meal. Stan eats...well....it's not so much chewing...the best analogy I can think of...is...imagine a front-loading washing machine with a clear door washing a load of colors. Just as colorful, visible, and loud.
2. At said lunch, I brought up the fact that I wasn't going to be home for a while after work. I was going to go to a farewell dinner for someone at work. I know I didn't know the guy who was leaving all that well, but I liked his company and his advice, so I thought I would pay my respects. I had emailed an RSVP several days in advance so that the dinner organizer could make reservations. This is what happened when I told him what I was doing that night.
Stan: "Really? There's a dinner for him?"
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "Ok, I think I'll go to that."
Me: "....*thinking* The concept of reservations seems to escape him totally* Well, it's for an affinity group, so you'd be quite out of place."
Stan: "....Oh...ok."
3. At work, we are encouraged to go meet with people all over the site in order to raise awareness of who we are. My boss and several others told me to never speak to the higher ups, even though it is encouraged, unless I was solid about what I was doing and made everything look good. As such, I didn't hesitate to meet with people from other teams, departments, higher and lower rank people, no big deal. Stan has only singled out higher ups...I'm fairly certain he's wasting time, as there's only so much interest one can generate from getting a floor painted.
4. On the same topic, Stan wanted to babysit contractors as they painted the floor white. Because there's so much that can go wrong.
5. I arrived home today and found Stan outside the apartment on his phone. All of the lights were off in the apartment, so I assumed he was locked out. I assumed wrongly, thank God. However, there was a new problem:
Stan: "There's a toad at our door. Called Mr. Toad."
Me: "Ok..."
Stan: "Yeah, and he won't move."
Me: "Ok...*starts nudging toad with shoe*"
Stan: "No, that really doesn't work unless you step on him."
Me: *grabs short wood chip from garden, pushes toad away*
Stan: "Oh...yeah...I was going to do that."
I wonder why he didn't. It sure looked like he was outside for a LONG time...considering the lights inside the house were off...and he had been inside already to drop off mail.
6. Stan asked his boss about any trails nearby our house. He told Stan there was one, so he went to go look for it after work. He found it. He said he took a right off the road and wondered why everything became so bumpy. After a few minutes, he realized he was driving on the riverbank.
7. Stan said his boss came to work before him and left at the same time he did, leaving Stan to claim that he worked more hours than his boss. Normally, I'd just assume brain fart. Except he made that claim like three times in two minutes.
8. He's making his retirement account already. Seems smart? Isn't retirement account money locked away until a certain age? So...what happens before he turns gray and senile? Oop...well, gray at least.
9. Stan asked me if I ate dinner already. I'd like to assume that he doesn't think I'm like him.
10. Stan came into my room to announce that he gave his Windows PC the start up and shut down sounds that are installed on Macs. And he didn't want to confuse me. I'm confused as to why...he doesn't just buy a Mac if he apparently likes them so much.
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