Massive Update 1

So I haven't been able to update the blog in a while.  Sorry.  I bring you lots of updates.  So many, they required being written down in a notebook, lest I forget.

1.  The night he moved in, he said "I talk a lot...so you can tell me to shut up."  Boy, he almost opened Pandora's Box on his ass.

2.  The first morning he was here, I woke up and started making breakfast.  When I went to make sure he wasn't still sleeping (we carpool, more on that soon), I found him in his room only wearing boxers...and he wanted to have a normal morning conversation.  I'm pretty sure that a prerequisite of conversation is clothes...unless it's pillow talk.

3.  When he drives, he seems unaware that seatbacks are designed to support weight.  He leans into the wheel, such that his back is not "perpendicular" to the seat.  Also, he puts an unnecessary amount of force into shifting, shutting doors, and using the parking brake.  

4.  The way to work is one downhill road into the office.  The only way out of work that concerns us is one uphill road out of the office.  This road leads to the closest standards of civilization.  Yet Stan thought it was necessary to tell me as we left work that the road we were taking "was the road to lunch."

5.  As we drove into the apartment, a twig with leaves was sitting in the driveway.  Anyone could tell it was a twig with leaves because it was funny colored, had random color patches of asphalt, and wasn't moving at all.  Stan found it necessary to dodge around the twig.  He then commented that he "thought it was a cat, but it was just leaves."

5a.  After the twig/leaf incident, we were moving into the parking lot at 2 mph.  100 feet away (on the other side of the parking lot) was a huge deer.  HUGE.  DEER.  Stan told himself, very loudly, not to hit the deer.  The deer that was 100 feet away.  Said deer proceeded to run off, and he turned to me and asked "did you see the deer?"

I almost smacked him and asked "I DON'T KNOW MOTHERFUCKER, DID YOU SEE MY HAND?"

6.  Stan talks and hums to himself.  Non.  Stop.  

7.  I've noticed that whenever I talk on the phone to anyone (friends, parents, etc), Stan will immediately whip out his phone and call someone.  Then talk louder than me.  He makes each phone call sound extremely important, but he's not really talking about anything at all.  At least, nothing business oriented that his family and friends (the only people he talks to) would care about.

7a.  He insults every single person he talks to on the phone.  Or demeans them.

7b.  He brags about his phone nonstop since it gets reception at work (very few people do).  And also because it's waterproof.  I have never known an instance where waterproofness in a phone is a huge factor, because (imo) if you're dropping phones into water with regularity, you've got other problems.

8.  Stan's suggestions for a work project show that he definitely does not understand what is going on.  I can't get specific at all due to the confidentiality needed by my company and by myself, but he pretty much would have destroyed a multimillion dollar machine and cost the company millions in revenue if his supervisor approved Stan's ideas on "how to fix the problem."  Notice, I said "ideas" not "idea."

9.  He stood in my doorway for a full minute without saying a word.  Luckily, my closet door blocked his vision (I was typing this post).

Whew.  Hoped you liked reading it, it was sorta amusing to live it.