Long Time, But Was It Worth It?

1. I went to office hours for help on some homework. Naturally, since our homework seems fucking impossible in this specific class, there was a line. I think I was 3rd. Stan was 5th. He wanted to have a conversation with slot number 4.

Stan: "Yeah, so I forget what my file's called, but it's on my flash drive."
Number 4: "That's great."
Stan: *takes out flash drive with as much flair as he can...while it's attached to a neck lanyard and like 6 keys* "On my flash drive that's right here."

For some reason, he still believes that conversations are only him talking. He continued by...narrating...his phone call list...like who he called, who called him, etc. Then he described the virtues of his standard flash drive and the wonders of the flash drive market.

2. I went to the computer lab to try to print some stuff. All the computers were taken and I knew I'd only be around for like 20 seconds. I saw one computer that was unoccupied, but someone had logged in on it. There was also no screensaver or lock or anything, so the person probably just went up to the bathroom. The person sitting right next to the computer was, unfortunately, Stan. I was in a rush and asked him about the computer.

Me: "Who was using this computer?"
Stan: "That was.........................someone who was just using that recently, he was just here."
Me: *under breath* ".....fucking useless." *Proceeds to use computer and print*

3. From someone older and more experienced with Stan:
"In the middle of your exam, Stan started cracking up for no reason. First, I thought he mighta been losing it or something. When I graded his exam, I realized that he was indeed laughing. The part of the exam where your professor wrote that another professor was a master on the subject? Yeah, he wrote out 'LOL.' There was also a diagram that was designed to help us solve a question. Some of us didn't use it. Stan was also one of those people. He wrote: 'I didn't know how to use this diagram.' And then drew a foot in mouth smiley face all over the page."

4. There are two twins that are classmates of ours. That one sentence, btw, has probably done more to give away the secrecy of this blog than anything else. Anyway, apparently Stan told one of them "You know, you're sister's a lot smarter than you are." That's a rumor. Supposedly, he kept talking to them and eventually one of them just said "SHUT UP YOU ARE SO OBNOXIOUS." Also, a rumor?

What isn't a rumor?

Me: "So...how do you two feel about him anyway?"
Twin 1: ".....We think he's really obnoxious....and offensive...so we just do the same thing back to him whenever we talk to him."
Me: "I see. Listen, take these cards. Go there when you're bored."

Fuck. I had more notes, but they're not showing up in my notepad. This update was kinda disappointing for me, actually.

OMG UPDATE WTF BBQ

GOTCHA!!!!

No seriously, maybe this weekend. Just pretend this is a late April Fools' Day joke.