Here's the deal.
Most of the time, I post whenever I hit eight or so bullet points and it can take me anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour to write everything down here. Usually, eight bullet points takes a few days. Yesterday, Stan hit a whopping 54 bullet points in one day. On top of that, I never posted the notes from before!
So...without further ado:
1. Stan asked me if I had taken his nasal spray. I'm going to spell it out for you: why would I take HIS nasal spray? We all know where nasal sprays go, so why would I want to borrow someone else's let alone his?
2. Stan asked me one day if he could drink some of my milk. I didn't see a problem with it as I never finish my milk usually (I just don't drink enough of it).
Me: "Yeah go ahead."
Stan: "Thanks. I thought I had a whole gallon in there, but I just realized that I brought it home with me over the weekend since it was expired."
3. Stan and I had a dinner with a representative not from work. This representative was unfamiliar with our area and wanted us to pick a place to eat. Actually, he wanted us to work together to pick a place to eat. I was extremely busy, and have been extremely busy both in and out of work lately, so I didn't go ask Stan about dinner. Imagine my surprise when Stan sent out an email ordering us to eat at Applebee's. Now...he had claimed to be familiar with the area before, and I can say without any hesitation that Applebee's...was not the best place to eat, even with a budget of $15 each. He clearly just picked a place at random and told us to go.
Now, I sent an email out to him and the representative saying that Applebee's was not a good choice for the money we were going to spend and suggested a place like Chili's, at least. Stan did not get back to me, even though he "prides himself on responding to email instantly." So, I asked him about it at lunch the next day. He was sitting with his coworkers, while I had just finished a 15 minute lunch as they were sitting.
Me: "Stan, did you get my email about dinner?"
Stan: *air of arrogance* "I got like 6 emails last night."
*silence*
Me: *Nevermind that I've been getting 20 emails a night for various reasons (not all Facebook)* "...Ok, well did you read it?"
Stan: "Oh... Yeah. Chili's sounds fine by me."
Me: "....*wonders why that was so hard to say* Ok, well, I have to go prepare for a meeting, so I'll see you later."
4. Stan had given us the address of the Applebee's he wanted to go to so badly. He then said, and this is a DIRECT copy paste from the email:
"My cell is ---.---.---- if anyone needs to last-minute cancel/gets lost getting to the restaurant. I would recommend not using the direction finder on Applebee's website; it completely overcomplicated my directions.
Google maps works a lot better."
Soooo...now he's taking credit...for Google Maps giving him directions?
On top of that, he didn't actually give directions.
5. I had bought a 6 pack of light bulbs to replace 2 that had burned out. It was not a huge concern for either of us to put bulbs in, so I let the bulbs sit on the counter. I even asked him if he cared about having lighting, and he didn't. So the bulbs sat for 2 days. Then, one day Stan made a lot of noise in the hallway and everything got brighter when he hit a switch. Wow. He put my bulbs in.
Stan: "We now have light."
Now....why he wanted to paraphrase God, I can understand; he has a complex, I wager. However, the "light" had been there for a while. Obviously, and again, taking credit for someone else's work.
6. My room is quite small and there isn't enough room to put my copier inside. As such, I put the copier on the hallway sink counter as it had the biggest counter space with a working power outlet. It was clear and away from water, and would always be, especially if no one used the sink. After three days of leaving the copier there and hearing no complaints, Stan walked into the hallway and stood in complete silence for 45 seconds.
Stan: "Is this copier always going to be here?"
Me: "Is it a problem?"
Stan: "I want to use this sink."
Me: "....The actual bathroom is about 10 feet from that sink."
Stan: "I know. I like using this sink to brush my teeth."
Me: "....You are very lazy."
Course I moved the copier about 10 mins later because I didn't want to risk him getting water onto it.
7. Trooper had a birthday recently. Stan asked how old trooper was. Now, this is always a relative question, so I answered "our age"
Stan: "So they're 21?"
Me: "...No, we're not even 21, they're 20 now."
Stan: "So they're younger then." *walks into room with arrogance*
8. I walked out the other day and saw him eating a salad and reading a Fortune magazine. I have a feeling someone told him to read the Fortune as he never did before. I'm also guessing that he was trying to look smarter. Kinda failed.
9. I recently attended a dinner in a major city far away from where Stan and I live. Stan did not go, so it was a fairly pleasant drive over. When I got there, I met new people. We didn't even know we had mutual friends until another guest walked in to the restaurant.
Her: "OH MAN, so I've been reading the blog!"
New person 1: "THE STAN BLOG?!?"
10. New person 1: "Oh yeah, I had class with Stan. I loved everything about that class except for him.
11. New person 3: "Has he played any music for you yet?"
New person 2: "Yeah, he kept saying he was a 'Violin Master'."
Me: "....My friends were in orchestra with him. He sat in the last chair of the 2nd Violins. Which means he was the worst violinist in the orchestra. He didn't even make that seat the next year."
12. Stan was explaining why he was gone one day. Apparently, he just stayed over at a coworker's place because it was so late in the night.
"Good thing I always have a change of clothes in my car for just such an occasion."
13. Stan came out of the bathroom the other day and felt need to tell me the following:
"The bathroom is all yours."
Now, I didn't even need to use it. I was literally just sitting in my room at my desk.
14. Stan's explanation as to why he came back home at like 9 pm was because "someone screwed up at work." I really wonder who.
Ok, this is the day with 54 notes. I don't even remember everything because I wrote it all in short fragments. In his car. While he was driving. And while I was in shotgun. Or during dinner.
15. Stan and I had a separate dinner with a representative from our mutual organization. Despite the fact that Stan dictated that dinner was at 7:00 pm a few days prior to this dinner and the fact that all he really does is read emails all day (meaning he would've been able to see about 6 confirmation emails), he had forgotten what time dinner was. By 5:00 pm.
16. We have two bottles of dish detergent at our sink. One is a very dark blue one, so dark that you cannot really see how much detergent is left in the bottle unless you look hard. The other is a clear bottle with bright green colored detergent. I remembered how low the green one had gone (maybe 2 cm from the bottom) and asked Stan if he could pick up another bottle of detergent. Stan asked if we had run out. He then claimed he hadn't noticed because he only used the dark blue one. The one that always sits next to the bright green one.
17. We decided to carpool to this dinner. Last time we carpooled, we took my car, even though I didn't really have to go, and I had to fill up on gas the next time I went out. Which of course didn't faze Stan. He also didn't think about thanking me for driving either. So, when we were going to leave for dinner, Stan obviously asked who was going to drive.
18. While Stan was driving, he asked if I had seen any schoolbuses around on the roads.
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "Aren't they terrible to follow?"
Me: "....They're schoolbuses...what did you expect?"
Stan: "No, maybe you don't understand. These schoolbuses were awful. They kept stopping every like 100 feet in the midafternoon and on my way to work!"
Me: "...As in...when school starts....and when school ends?"
Stan: "Yeah."
Conversation ended there for a moment.
19. Somehow we ended up talking about Binghampton.
Stan: "Binghampton is so in the boonies." Followed by his own laughter. And that was it. I'm really not sure how someone who's living in an area with only a WalMart can judge, but hey.
20. Stan totally ate like a full plate of food 2 hours before our dinner. Was it for etiquette? I hope not, since we knew the dinner was casual...and at Chili's.
21. We'd been working here for 9 weeks by the time this event happened. Stan had taken a tour of my department. Very quick and simple tour. He went on and on about how bad the dust was in one area of the machine. I didn't tell him but I'd been there several times. I did tell him that he went on a light day and that it wasn't too bad. He insisted that it was terrible and began trying to tell me how machines in my department worked. Unlike him, however, I did not spend 6 weeks checking email and getting lost, so I did already know how my machines worked.
22. Our power flickered. All the lights dimmed and some fans slowed down. Stan asked me if my lights dimmed.
23. I was playing video games to wait for him to leave. I ended up playing for 3 minutes too long and he commanded me to get up and get in the car.
24. As I got into the front seat of his car, Stan had this nugget of information for me:
Stan: "If you want to adjust the seatback, the lever is on the right."
THANKS STAN WHAT WOULD I EVER DO WITHOUT YOU.
25. I had gotten a new phone a whole week before this dinner. Stan knew I had gotten it because he was going to help me by waiting for the package. Then I got home and told him he could go as I waited for my phone.
Flash forward a week:
Stan: "Hey, nice new phone."
26. Our first week at work, we were told that we would be given Outlook 300. It's a fancy name for Webmail based Outlook. We were also told to not use Outlook 500, or the actual program, because they didn't have enough licenses and such.
Four weeks in, Stan complained about how his Outlook wasn't working. Of course, I asked what was wrong. He then said that he had been using the program the entire time and was going to have it fixed.
Now, the ninth week at work, Stan told me in the car that his Outlook was still having issues. And that he was told not to use the program. He wondered why the IT people waited so long to tell him not to use the program and just stick to Webmail. I told him that we were explicitly told to use Webmail. He said he must not have been there. I told him we were told during training. He sat and looked dumb.
27. Stan's sister was having a senior recital. She invited him and really wanted him to come home to see it.
Stan: *in a very non-caring tone* "Yeah...so...sister's recital...whatever, I guess I'll go."
28. I vented a little about how one of my projects went bad. We lost items that we were supposed to track. Stan offered to help me find them. Even though he didn't know what they looked like. And I told many more important people to keep an eye out. Including in his own department. He still insisted that he could help.
29. Stan's department had ordered too much glue to use in the machines. They had a big meeting to come up with ways to get rid of the glue. As in hundreds, maybe tons of the stuff. Of glue. Sticky, will screw lots of stuff up, glue. Stan suggested that they dump it in the river. He then told me that he woke everyone up out of boredom during the meeting. I personally doubt they were bored, just shocked at his idiocy.
30. Stan bragged about how his car only needs planned maintenance every couple thousand miles. Just like any other car, really.
31. Me: "Yeah, I have to get my maintenance. And my oil changed. I'll just have them done at the same time."
Stan: "You haven't gotten your oil changed? What's wrong with you?"
Me: "...I just said...I'm going to...with my maintenance...and also...I'm entirely too busy to do it."
32. So the first night we were in the apartment, Stan told me that he basically took his mom's car to drive here. This day, he changed his story and claimed that his mom gave him the car.
33. Stan said he's too busy at home as his cell phone constantly rings. He implied a tone of great importance, but we all know that it's his family or people returning calls. Specifically after he tells them to call him back later.
34. We were following a car that was slowing down. Now, when cars slow down, it's either quick or slow. Quick means braking. Slow means naturally drifting to a stop. This car we were following was VERY slow as it was slowing down.
Stan: "That car has its center brake light out."
Me: "....Uh...it could just be not using the brake. It is slowing down very slowly."
Stan: "....True."
35. Stan talked about how there were 50,000 miles on his car and bragged about how much of those miles he had driven. He claimed half. He argued that this made him an experienced driver who knew what he was doing, unlike most people. I didn't feel like bringing it up, but my car has 76,000 miles on it, and I've driven it across the country twice. One of those trips had mountains, snow, rain, sleet, massive traffic, trucks, sun, clouds, fog, and nighttime driving on the highway and in the city in a span of 12 hours. On top of that, I've driven the car in so many different states that I can sorta identify driver origins based off their driving behavior. And I can honestly say I've never driven on the wrong side of a narrow downhill road before. Which he did. And almost made me crash into him.
36. My notes say "car brag" but I don't remember what happened. I think it had to do with windshield wipers.
37. Stan said that he would like long drives so he wouldn't unleash his stress on his wife and kids. Even ignoring the fact that he "wasn't worried about that yet," I'm a little afraid for anyone unlucky enough to be in that situation. Personally, I doubt I would destress on other people.
38. He asked what the car situation was like in my family. I told him hard because we had 5 cars and 4 drivers and we can't juggle insurance and parking around to make it work, usually.
Stan: "I totally understand, the car situation is hard in my family too."
Me: "How so?"
Stan: "We have 4 cars and 4 drivers."
....HOW ABOUT ONE CAR PER DRIVER FUCKTARD?! DONE AND DONE
Granted, what should I expect from a person who struggled for a long time at coming up with ways to move Mr. Toad. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read older posts.
39. Stan: "Yeah, my car is fully loaded. Power windows, locks, AC, ABS."
Me: "....Yeah....most of those...like especially ABS... were made standard on cars larger than compact 10 years ago. [we're in 2007]."
Stan: "My minivan didn't have it!"
Me: "What year was your minivan (I knew that minivans usually HAD ABS because soccer moms love safety)?"
Stan: "A '94."
40. Notes say "Car Brag 2." I think it had to do with the other standard features in his car and how it came "fully loaded."
41. Stan tried to argue with me about cars. Like...model features, renovations, etc. He wouldn't take the fact that he was wrong lightly. Actually, he didn't accept that fact at all. For example, he claimed that the Toyota Camry was all new for 2007. He was off by a year.
42. It had been raining for most of the drive down to dinner. Notice that this all happened BEFORE we got to the dinner. So within 30 minutes. Anyway, when we got to the city where we were going to eat, the rain had stopped. However, the shoulder was very clearly wet. It was significantly darker than the road we were driving on. Still, Stan boldly pronounced that it had obviously not rained in this city.
43. When we got to Chili's, our dinner host had not arrived.
Stan: "Do you know him?"
Me: "...Yes...I ate dinner with him last night."
Stan: "Oh that's right. Do you have his cell phone number?"
Me: "No, I don't."
Stan: "Ok, well I do."
Creepy. Especially since Stan had never met him before.
44. Stan couldn't find the way into Chili's. I told him turn by turn directions as I had driven by it before. Unsurprisingly, after he made the final turn and saw the sign, he claimed that it was "very easy to find."
45. The entire Chili's was decked out in Halloween decorations. This took me -15 seconds to notice, because I could see everything when I was walking into the restaurant. It took Stan 5 minutes. He then had to tell me that the Chili's was covered in Halloween decorations.
46. Stan: "Did your high school have mol day?"
Me: "...So...Oct 23, at 602 AM?"
Stan: "Yeah."
Me: "No. We were entirely too busy."
Stan: "Oh, my mol day was great blahblahblah..."
Three minutes later
Stan: "So that's what I did. I liked mol day a lot."
Me: "...To be honest, it sounds kinda stupid."
Stan: "Yeah, I didn't really enjoy it that much."
47. Our host was clearly lost. I told Stan to call him at 7:00 when he didn't show up. The host said "I'll be right there." Stan came back to tell me this via thumbs up since I was on the phone. After 10 minutes, I knew he was lost, but I was still on the phone. Stan sat around looking confused and like he was looking for friends in all the decorations when he caught my eye and I glanced at my watch and motioned my phone. He finally realized that maybe he should call the host and help him with directions. The directions were clearly terrible as it took our host another 20 minutes to get to Chili's.
48. Maitre d: *looking at our host, who is much older than us* "How many?"
Host: "Thr-"
Stan: "Three."
Maitre d: *taken aback* "...Smoking or non?"
Host: "No-"
Stan: "Non-smoking."
49. Our host told us how bad his day was, including a wolfed-down breakfast. Stan said that his 1o minute lunch that day was just as bad. Including just as bad as the three 10 minute lunches I had for 3 days straight.
50. I bought a gallon jug of Sweet Tea from the grocery store. Stan knew I had gone to the grocery store, but was scared when he opened the fridge and saw the tea.
Stan: "That's your's right?"
Me: "Yes."
Stan: "Oh ok, cuz all of a sudden a gallon of tea just appeared!"
51. We were all having trouble deciding what to order since there were so many choices on the menu. Stan then claimed that it was just as hard as having to choose where to work. A reminder (and another story related to this will appear down the list): When offers came around, he got zero. Zero job offers. And he was like that for a week. He begged our recruiter since he saw that someone declined a spot and managed to get the job.
52. Our company culture says "do not talk about pay." Really, that seems to be all that Stan can talk about at times. A reminder: we're still at dinner.
53. Stan: "I like my job because it allows me to do what I'm good at. Working with the machines."
I doubt it.
54. Our host went on to describe his day.
Host: "Yeah, I'd say it was a weird day toda-"
Stan: "I have a weird day everyday."
55. Stan: "I want to go to Italy because our machines have an Italian name, so I'd know what I'm doing there."
56. During the first week at work, Stan asked me why they had hired people from our major for these jobs as they didn't really have anything to do with what we were working on. I told him that I asked the same question during my interview and the interviewers liked my frankness and answered that we were being looked at because of our analytical thinking. I had told this to Stan.
At this dinner, our host had locked eye contact with me:
Host: "Are you bothered by the fact that you're not necessarily applying what you've learned? Why did they have you fill this role?"
Me: "Well, it's bec-"
Stan: "They wanted us for our analytical thinking, I found out."
57. Stan claimed that there was plenty of mechanical engineering in chemical engineering. And that there were a lot of similarities.
58. We had all ordered house special drinks. Our host had a tea with mango syrup in it. However, the syrup and the liquid were both yellow, so I don't blame him when he didn't notice that he was supposed to stir his drink. Stan had a clear drink with a dark syrup. The waitress had told him to mix the drink. He didn't notice. So he said that the drink was too strong. Then I told him to stir it. It was good afterwards.
59. I had complained several times in the beginning that the young managers kept inviting me to do stuff. And by do stuff, I mean go to bars. Big no no. When our host asked us what we did, Stan turned my story into his.
60. We were leaving from dinner, and Stan ended up in a left turn only lane. He JUMPED out of the lane into the normal lane.
Stan: "Did you see that? Those are my reflexes. I inherited them from my mom. She has really quick reflexes too."
That makes me wonder if it was his reflexes that let him run the stop sign that came 15 feet later.
61. Stan and I entered the car at the same time. I had noticed that there was condensation on the inside of the windshield. Stan immediately turned the defrost/defog setting in his car to max.
Stan: "The car fogged up as soon as I got in!"
I know. I was there. Believe me, I noticed. As hard as it was to notice a large, clear object be unclear 2 feet from my face, I somehow noticed.
62. Stan asked if I was considering Lasik. I said no because there were still a few dangers. You can search on the Internet and find the dangers. Stan insisted that there were none. I had somehow ended up looking at Lasik stories that day during my break, so I think I knew what I was talking about.
63. My notes say fishing. I think he asked me if I'd ever gone fishing before. Which I would say yes to. I'm guessing he then tried to teach me what fishing was.
64. Stan was complaining that he doesn't get a lot of work done because so many people try to talk to him. And that he never gets lost at work.
65. My notes say "Car Brag 3" OH I REMEMBER THIS ONE.
We were at a red light. I told him that he needed to take a left at the next light, and that he should've gotten in the left lane before. Since now he had to pass a car that was even with us.
Stan: "No problem, me and my VTEC will get us out of this."
When the light turned green, he floored the pedal. Lots of revving ensued for 5 seconds. We hit 27, then he had to slow down for the red light. He did managed to take that left turn, but after we were on the on ramp, he floored the pedal again. Lots of revving for 6 seconds. We were going 30. Sounds like quite the "4 cylinder monster" he makes it out to be.
66. Stan: "I will definitely come back here when they offer me a full time position. Unless some other place offers something better."
Great loyalty eh? Also, he's placing a lot of bets on his performance...story to come...
67. Stan named his machine and himself with his own names. He then proceeded to tell everyone what his ideas for names were. He then wondered why everyone was using his language.
68. The street signs near our apartment are white obelisks with black letters. Probably because green signs would blend in with the bunches of trees lining the roads here. Stan said he liked the signs but couldn't figure out why they were like that. When I suggested my idea, he shot it down. And he'll probably explain to other people why the signs here are like that and pass it off as his own thinking.
69. Back to the job offers. He had told everyone in the spring that he hadn't gotten any offers and was stuck like that for a week. He then told me later that he had gotten an offer from my company because he found out that someone gave up a spot and then begged the recruiter through email for the position that was turned down.
When I asked him in the car on the ride home about job offers, his story changed. He now claimed that after he realized he had no offers, he talked to our job finders and emailed a few places that had empty spots. Stan said that he got an email back the next morning from my recruiter, offering him a job.
I have long suspected that Stan only got this job because 1. they probably needed more help and 2. they didn't want me to be alone. I reasoned the latter because we're in the middle of nowhere and they must've thought I'd be lonely and that one person from the same organization as me is better than none.
Monday, I spoke with our recruiter about the recruiting process.
Recruiter: "We decided 2 years ago that we would never, ever hire only one person. We had hired one girl all by herself 3 years ago, and she ended up being extremely lonely because she lived all by herself and couldn't really hang out with the drinking crowd. So now, it is always at least two people."
Doesn't it all make sense now?
70. A warning, 70 to 74 all happened in 5 minutes in one morning. I was trying to make sense of the mess Stan left near the garbage. Stan had just left recycling all over the floor. Even though, ever since we'd been in the apartment, I had been very obviously and clearly hanging plastic bags from the cabinets and placing recyclables in different bags. The bags are at eye level and very easy to identify. Stan followed along with this for a while, then he just forgot. I told him to go pick up all his recycling.
71. Stan tried to shove his recycling in very full bags. I wanted to test his logic, and he obviously failed. We have more than enough empty plastic bags he could've used. And he knew exactly where they were.
Me: *watching him struggle* "...Is it that hard to use another bag?"
Stan: "..........I could."
72. We took Organic Chemistry class together. So we learned at the same time that plastic and styrofoam are derived from the same type of material: polymers from petroleum. To be honest, I learned this in high school, so this was not news to me. PS: Fleece is recycled styrofoam. Anyway, plastic and styrofoam are pretty much the exact same material, just adjusted for different uses.
Stan: *holding an egg carton, looking perplexed* "What do I do with this?"
Me: "Why don't you put it with the other plastics?"
Stan: "They're not the same!"
Me: *dead eye*
Stan: "Well, where I'm from they're not the same. We treat them differently."
Me: "...No...we both know that they're the same. Put them together."
73. Lastly, he left dead lightbulbs on the floor. Hiding near a trash bin. On tile. To me, that spells danger. One misstep or dropping some heavy garbage and broken glass would be everywhere.
Stan: "What do I do with the lightbulbs? Can't recycle them."
Me: *HEAVY SARCASM* "Yeah, just put them back on the floor there. In a hard to see and dangerous spot."
Stan: *places lightbulbs down*
Me: "..........................I was so sarcastic it's not even funny. Can you move the lightbulbs someplace else? I don't like the idea of sharp lightbulbs on the ground."
Stan: "Uhh, they're not sharp. See? They're lightbulbs?"
Me: "And what are lightbulbs made of?"
Stan: "Yeah but it's not broken, and there's no danger of breaking them here."
Me: "...Hard to see, on tile, yes, no, no danger at all. Besides a misstep or dropping anything."
Stan: "What do you want me to do with them then?"
Me: "....Why don't we just put them in a bag in the empty cabinet? That doesn't sound so hard."
74. After all that, Stan left the kitchen. There's a table that we eat (separately) on. It had been a terrible mess for a long time because whenever he went to the grocery store or WalMart, he would just leave the plastic bags on the table and not take care of them. Even after I showed him my system of leaving them in a cabinet. As Stan left:
Stan: *looking upset* "THIS TABLE IS A MESS!!!!"
Me: "Yeah....those...are your plastic bags. Look, the only things on that table that are mine are these. You've been leaving your crap there the entire time."
Stan: ".....Well, some of these bags are tied up! I didn't do that!"
Me: "No, but you made our guests from before think that they could do that. Clean it up."
Stan: *silently moves bags away....by throwing them decently hard into cabinet*
NEW STUFF
75. We have to give midterm and final presentations. Stan gave his a few days ago. Well, let's back up. The 2nd day of training, we had to attend a "how to give presentations" training session. I thought it was a waste of time since I had given a few and am a barely passable public speaker. Stan looked like he had the same attitude. Yet, during his midterm presentation, he threw every suggestion out the window. He read off his slides, fidgeted the entire time, and didn't involve his audience.
76. We were encouraged to bring snacks to presentations. I was going to do this, but I was going to make it a surprise. Stan did not bring snacks at all.
Recruiter: "You know, your predecessor brought cookies to their midterm presentation."
Stan: *very snappy* "Do I look like my predecessor to you?"
77. During his presentation, I thought the remote for the slides was broken. It clicked very loudly everytime he pressed the button. I had assumed it was broken because I have a few items that still sorta work, but do click loudly when used. But I was weirded out when all of a sudden the slide advanced and Stan said "Sorry, trigger happy with the clicker." I then watched how he was using the remote. He was hitting it with is finger. Like, slamming his index finger into the clicking area as best as he could with limited swing.
78. Stan put into his presentation a quote from his boss's boss.
"I get a better return of investment from my pet rock than I do with Stan."
79. One of Stan's projects was to have part of a floor painted white. It took him weeks to call a contractor to get it done. He talked about this during his presentation. He claimed that the white floor would allow everyone to see oil drips better. This is true. However, it is a bit of a stretch to say that seeing oil allows the machine to stay running longer. Stan did this. He tried to tie in the business needs of the company into his presentation and his projects wherever he could.
80. Stan once again went to his lady-friend's place 30 mins from here.
Stan: "I don't plan on staying but it could happen."
Me: "Ok."
Stan: "If I end up being there at midnight, I'll stay over there."
Me: "Ok."
Stan: *while leaving* "Ok, I'm off. See you sometime. Don't know when sometime is though."
Wouldn't that be why you say "sometime" instead of, oh I don't know, a CERTAIN time?
81. So Stan came back at 12:45 am. Which leads me to believe that he tried to stay at her place, since he said if was there at midnight, he would stay over there, but failed.
WHEW that was a long post. That's pretty much everything that you've missed. Enjoy. I'm keenly aware that this post is not up to the normal level of fluid speech and all the other elements of good storytelling that I usually strive for. However, this post took me over 3 hours to type, and I'm guessing that it would've taken me 5 had I actually tried to make it nicer. My apologies.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The Train Keeps Rolling
Addressing the comments of the last post: if I have to work with him, I will address the professor and TA's and flat out offer a "new group or no group" policy. Granted, I have a lot more experience living and working with Stan. I'm also going to speak with our HR person and ask that we not live together later. As amusing as this is, I don't think I can handle another living situation with him.
1. Our company gives each employee an annual gift basket containing some products made by the company. First, we get a notification letter in the mail saying that the package will be arriving at the address this letter was mailed to unless it is changed. I took my and his letters from the mailbox and placed his on his doorknob. Common sense...would say that if the letters are mailed at the same time to the SAME PLACE, they would arrive on the same day. I've pretty much already given away the blockbuster plot twist, but here it is.
Stan: "Hey my gift package letter!"
Me: "Yup, I put it there today."
Stan: "Did you get yours too?"
2. It's also no surprise that my mom works for the same company but in a different location. The company she was originally working for was bought by this one almost three years ago. Stan asked me what was in the gifts and if my mother had received a gift before. Yes, Stan, she has received two. This is after I specifically told him that one of the cool perks of working here was the annual gift.
3. Stan bragged to his friend on the phone last night that he has spent 24 hours in the office and would have spent 35 if he had worked his normal 10 hours today. First off....look at the math. Second, my boss and her boss have a term for spending that much time in the office: "poor time management." They specifically told me that if I was spending that much time in the office I was either overworked or not working hard enough at all.
I'm honestly perplexed how he can spend that much time at work. In my entire division (not my department, but the department containing my department and others like it), 80% of the leadership leaves at 4:30 (or try to). Generally, they're busy past 3:00.
4. Stan again realized why his balance is so high.
5. We have a pretty crappy dryer here in the apartment. A regular load in the washer for me takes two hours to dry. The dryer is older than I am. Stan knows this as we had a conversation that went like this:
Stan: "My clothes take forever to dry."
Me: "Yeah, the dryer sucks."
Stan: "Yeah."
So...can anyone tell me why, when I added another 30 minutes to a load after 70 minutes, I got this from Stan:
Stan: "The dryer is taking FOREVER."
Me: "I know, we know it su-"
Stan: "Are you sure you didn't leave it on 'air fluff'?"
Air fluff has a maximum time limit of 30 minutes. So it occupies half as much arc as regular dry, which I was using. He also based my drying time off his normal wash load...which uses about half the capacity of the washer. He claims that he's not sure how much he can load into a front load washer and still have it wash.
Anyway, after he asked me that question, I took a deep sigh, put my hands on my hips, and told him that I was not retarded and could read the clear labels.
6. Earlier in the day, I had eaten lunch with him. His coworker was there and asked us why we went on these job assignments. We gave him all the reasons:
Coworker: "Plus, it looks good on your resume!"
Stan: "Yeah, everyone's heard of [product], so I can say that I worked in [product]."
Me: "....I'm pretty sure that you can just say 'I worked for [company].' Everyone knows us."
Stan: "Exactly, 'I worked in [product]."
7. I woke up late this morning. Just in time to see Stan come back from the shower in a towel. Apparently, though, all he did was go turn the shower on and leave for 10 minutes.
8. He left his room after 10 minutes and was still only wearing a towel.
9. Stan had left a yogurt cup full of water sitting in the sink for two days. I didn't know what he wanted to do with it so I asked him this morning what was going on with it. He poured it out right away. What...exactly...takes two days...to pour out a damn yogurt cup.
10. I was out for most of the night because I went to a mall to shop/walk around. While I was gone, we had gotten an email from a mutual organization. When I got back home, Stan knew I was out. Yet...after we had established where I had been for the past 4 hours, Stan asked if I had read the email from the organization.
11. Stan doesn't realize that when the drying rack is full, he can go ahead and move dry stuff into the cabinets. So, he rinsed a glass, but let it sit right side up on a table...for two days...defeating the purpose of washing it because it would catch dust and would become a miniature breeding ground for anything in the water. When I told him that he needed to wash it again and that I put it in a colander that he had to wash, he looked confused. Then it dawned on him what I was talking about. I thought I was being pretty crystal clear, but he thought I was talking about a glass colander.
**Edit**
12. Stan sits crosslegged...even when laying down on his back. I had a pleasant sight when I went to ask him a question.
13. Stan tried to convince me about how bad rush hour traffic was and when it started in the area around the mall I went to today. I've been there three times all around when he said the rush hour started, and I've never seen a problem. This is at the mall, which probably has the worst traffic due to the high attraction to the area (lots of shopping and restaurants). When I told him this, he mentioned construction...which I didn't see...and then he said that because he grew up "around here," with his hometown being 2 hours away from the mall, he knew about everything related to the rush hour.
**2nd Edit**
14. I just plain forgot this one. At the same lunch as the "I work in [product]" post, the following also happened:
Stan: "I might stay a year at school and get my Master's in a semester."
Coworker: *impressed* "Master's in a semester?"
Me: "You mean a Master's of Engineering?"
Stan: "Yes."
Me: "Those are different things....Master's are much harder and take a few years...not just one."
Stan: "Right, so I'm going to be staying to get my Master's in a semester. I've got 100 credits already anyway."
I don't think he knows that liberal studies don't really count as credit towards a M.Eng.
1. Our company gives each employee an annual gift basket containing some products made by the company. First, we get a notification letter in the mail saying that the package will be arriving at the address this letter was mailed to unless it is changed. I took my and his letters from the mailbox and placed his on his doorknob. Common sense...would say that if the letters are mailed at the same time to the SAME PLACE, they would arrive on the same day. I've pretty much already given away the blockbuster plot twist, but here it is.
Stan: "Hey my gift package letter!"
Me: "Yup, I put it there today."
Stan: "Did you get yours too?"
2. It's also no surprise that my mom works for the same company but in a different location. The company she was originally working for was bought by this one almost three years ago. Stan asked me what was in the gifts and if my mother had received a gift before. Yes, Stan, she has received two. This is after I specifically told him that one of the cool perks of working here was the annual gift.
3. Stan bragged to his friend on the phone last night that he has spent 24 hours in the office and would have spent 35 if he had worked his normal 10 hours today. First off....look at the math. Second, my boss and her boss have a term for spending that much time in the office: "poor time management." They specifically told me that if I was spending that much time in the office I was either overworked or not working hard enough at all.
I'm honestly perplexed how he can spend that much time at work. In my entire division (not my department, but the department containing my department and others like it), 80% of the leadership leaves at 4:30 (or try to). Generally, they're busy past 3:00.
4. Stan again realized why his balance is so high.
5. We have a pretty crappy dryer here in the apartment. A regular load in the washer for me takes two hours to dry. The dryer is older than I am. Stan knows this as we had a conversation that went like this:
Stan: "My clothes take forever to dry."
Me: "Yeah, the dryer sucks."
Stan: "Yeah."
So...can anyone tell me why, when I added another 30 minutes to a load after 70 minutes, I got this from Stan:
Stan: "The dryer is taking FOREVER."
Me: "I know, we know it su-"
Stan: "Are you sure you didn't leave it on 'air fluff'?"
Air fluff has a maximum time limit of 30 minutes. So it occupies half as much arc as regular dry, which I was using. He also based my drying time off his normal wash load...which uses about half the capacity of the washer. He claims that he's not sure how much he can load into a front load washer and still have it wash.
Anyway, after he asked me that question, I took a deep sigh, put my hands on my hips, and told him that I was not retarded and could read the clear labels.
6. Earlier in the day, I had eaten lunch with him. His coworker was there and asked us why we went on these job assignments. We gave him all the reasons:
Coworker: "Plus, it looks good on your resume!"
Stan: "Yeah, everyone's heard of [product], so I can say that I worked in [product]."
Me: "....I'm pretty sure that you can just say 'I worked for [company].' Everyone knows us."
Stan: "Exactly, 'I worked in [product]."
7. I woke up late this morning. Just in time to see Stan come back from the shower in a towel. Apparently, though, all he did was go turn the shower on and leave for 10 minutes.
8. He left his room after 10 minutes and was still only wearing a towel.
9. Stan had left a yogurt cup full of water sitting in the sink for two days. I didn't know what he wanted to do with it so I asked him this morning what was going on with it. He poured it out right away. What...exactly...takes two days...to pour out a damn yogurt cup.
10. I was out for most of the night because I went to a mall to shop/walk around. While I was gone, we had gotten an email from a mutual organization. When I got back home, Stan knew I was out. Yet...after we had established where I had been for the past 4 hours, Stan asked if I had read the email from the organization.
11. Stan doesn't realize that when the drying rack is full, he can go ahead and move dry stuff into the cabinets. So, he rinsed a glass, but let it sit right side up on a table...for two days...defeating the purpose of washing it because it would catch dust and would become a miniature breeding ground for anything in the water. When I told him that he needed to wash it again and that I put it in a colander that he had to wash, he looked confused. Then it dawned on him what I was talking about. I thought I was being pretty crystal clear, but he thought I was talking about a glass colander.
**Edit**
12. Stan sits crosslegged...even when laying down on his back. I had a pleasant sight when I went to ask him a question.
13. Stan tried to convince me about how bad rush hour traffic was and when it started in the area around the mall I went to today. I've been there three times all around when he said the rush hour started, and I've never seen a problem. This is at the mall, which probably has the worst traffic due to the high attraction to the area (lots of shopping and restaurants). When I told him this, he mentioned construction...which I didn't see...and then he said that because he grew up "around here," with his hometown being 2 hours away from the mall, he knew about everything related to the rush hour.
**2nd Edit**
14. I just plain forgot this one. At the same lunch as the "I work in [product]" post, the following also happened:
Stan: "I might stay a year at school and get my Master's in a semester."
Coworker: *impressed* "Master's in a semester?"
Me: "You mean a Master's of Engineering?"
Stan: "Yes."
Me: "Those are different things....Master's are much harder and take a few years...not just one."
Stan: "Right, so I'm going to be staying to get my Master's in a semester. I've got 100 credits already anyway."
I don't think he knows that liberal studies don't really count as credit towards a M.Eng.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Apologies Again
The downtime wasn't due to him not saying anything. I just ran out of time during the day to post.
1. I went to eat lunch one day at work. I saw some of the people in my department, but they had finished lunch and had to leave. I looked up from talking with them and saw some of Stan's coworkers. I thought "well, I've met them, why don't I eat with them?"
They had the same deal: most of them were past done with lunch, but they hung around for a little bit. Til they saw Stan. Apparently, one of them had even tried to get rid of Stan as he had messaged him before with misleading directions/instructions about lunch. When everyone started leaving, only one person other than me wasn't finished with lunch. This person quietly spoke:
"Guys. Don't leave me with Stan. Please don't...come on guys....Hey Stan, how's it going?"
2. At said lunch, I had ordered a chili dog. Now, the way things work at the cafeteria here (like most cafeterias) is that there's a menu with a list of what's available. Then, you go up to the food stations and order what you want. If you want a special, say "Stuffed Shells with Cheese, vegetable, and a roll," you must tell them that specifically. In addition, the menu clearly lists ingredients. So, for Stuffed Shells with Cheese, the ingredients are pasta shells and cheese. Stan had gotten Stuffed Shells with Cheese, vegetable, and a dinner roll, and came outside to eat with us. He finished all of the stuffed shells (in his defense, they were actually macaroni and cheese), started chowing down on the vegetable (peas), when he offered a great observation. Five minutes after he had bought his food.
Stan: "Hey, there's no meat in my stuffed shells with cheese!"
Me and his coworker: "............"
Stan: "I thought there would be some sort of meat."
Me: "...well....it did...just say cheese on the menu."
3. At the same lunch (the only time I saw him at all that particular day), Stan told me he was scared witless earlier as he couldn't find his towels. He believed that his towels had gone missing, so he spent a lot of time that morning looking for them. He looked in his car, under his bed, in the bathroom, and gave up. He simply declared the towels gone. Then he opened his closet. And there they were.
4. Part of the reason why I didn't update the blog earlier was that I was hosting some friends here. When we arrived, we moved all of our groceries we had bought into the house before I gave them a tour of the apartment. We went to the basement and talked there about what we could and couldn't or shouldn't do for a few minutes before we went back upstairs and to the bedrooms. Stan came out of his bedroom and greeted the both of them loudly.
The next morning at breakfast, Stan told me that he had heard us walk in and saw the bags on the kitchen table. Then went back to his room and waited for us to walk near his room, instead of looking for us and introducing himself then.
5. I had gone to a concert about 45 minutes away from here with one of the guests. I never told Stan this as I didn't feel like he really had to know. However, one person (whom I'm dating), didn't go to the concert and stayed behind like a good trooper.
This person had to use the bathroom and had walked all the way into the bathroom when Stan called out their name.
Stan: "Where's my coworker? And the other guest?"
Trooper: "At a concert."
Stan: "Which concert?"
Trooper: "[Name of band]."
Stan: "Where?"
Trooper: "I have no idea."
Stan: "I'm going to go look this up then."
Stan kept talking for a few minutes, uninterrupted, before the trooper told him that they had to use the bathroom and shut the door.
What does this have to do with me? Well, the next morning, Stan confronted me while I was at breakfast.
Stan: "So, where'd you go last night?"
Me: "Concert."
Stan: "Yeah, the [name of band] concert down in [place where concert was held]. I remember. I was sitting in my room and wondering where you were, and all of a sudden it hit me, 'He's at the concert!'"
Then he walked away.
6. Stan had told me the week before that he was thinking of staying over at his friend's place since she was on fall break. Or having her come over and stay at our apartment to let her relax. This is the same friend whom he visited before and canceled on him like twice. I think he was trying to brag about having friends since he didn't suggest having his friend stay over til after I told him that two of my friends were coming. Anyway, one night, he didn't come home. Could it be, I wondered, had he pulled it off?
No. He came home the next day and told me that his friend canceled again. He had apparently gone to try to fix a coworker's computer at their house and ended up staying until midnight. The coworker refused to let him drive home since we live an hour from him. After telling me this, he started talking about his boss's truck for no reason at all. I didn't keep very good notes about this day, but I have a feeling that he made a comparison to his Honda CR-V. Which...when I think of intimidating cars, I think Japanese 4-cylinder econo-suvs.
He then told me how smart he was for leaving a random change of clothes in his car. For just such an occasion.
7. He told me the following things while yelling. From 4 feet away.
Tonight, Stan told me that he had essentially gotten into work today at 2:00 PM, so he had to leave at 8:00 PM. When I asked if he had actually gotten in at 2, he said that he had gotten in at 8 am, but went to get SAP training and went to a team member's special lunch celebration for a few hours.
Now, I guess I really shouldn't be surprised considering that he thinks Googling stuff (we do not need Google for anything at work. Period. We have all information on intranet or with contacts) and walking around confused is actual work, but I would never waste time with administrative training we don't really need anyway. Nor would I so easily and openly go attend a celebration that I don't really have a part of. Don't get me wrong, I was also invited to lunch celebrations, but I first cleared it with my boss if it was ok for me to go. Mainly because these lunches celebrate events that we've been present for around 1% of.
8. After he told me what he did today, he walked back into his room. Then came back 3 minutes later to tell me that he felt homeless because he's slept in 4 different beds in 5 days. Then he went back to his room.
9. When he was in my room (both times) he could clearly see me using the internet and playing games over the internet. Yet, when he went back to his room:
Stan: "My internet isn't working. Is it broken?"
10. I wanted to go visit the tourist attraction that he had seen a few weeks ago. So I asked him what it was called. He invited himself into my room and next to my chair and told me what he thought the name was. So I Googled it. He was sorta right; the site has three different names. He couldn't tell me directions. The directions he gave me turned out to be horribly wrong. When I told him I could look it up myself, he stayed around and watched me search for it in in Google and Google Maps. This is the same place where he walked miles to reach it even though there's a parking lot at the site. And it's known for being the largest object of its kind in the whole state. Yet Stan had one more nugget of info for me:
Stan: "Yeah, it's pretty hard to miss."
*Edit*
Stan still can't turn on the fan when he cooks.
*end edit*
1. I went to eat lunch one day at work. I saw some of the people in my department, but they had finished lunch and had to leave. I looked up from talking with them and saw some of Stan's coworkers. I thought "well, I've met them, why don't I eat with them?"
They had the same deal: most of them were past done with lunch, but they hung around for a little bit. Til they saw Stan. Apparently, one of them had even tried to get rid of Stan as he had messaged him before with misleading directions/instructions about lunch. When everyone started leaving, only one person other than me wasn't finished with lunch. This person quietly spoke:
"Guys. Don't leave me with Stan. Please don't...come on guys....Hey Stan, how's it going?"
2. At said lunch, I had ordered a chili dog. Now, the way things work at the cafeteria here (like most cafeterias) is that there's a menu with a list of what's available. Then, you go up to the food stations and order what you want. If you want a special, say "Stuffed Shells with Cheese, vegetable, and a roll," you must tell them that specifically. In addition, the menu clearly lists ingredients. So, for Stuffed Shells with Cheese, the ingredients are pasta shells and cheese. Stan had gotten Stuffed Shells with Cheese, vegetable, and a dinner roll, and came outside to eat with us. He finished all of the stuffed shells (in his defense, they were actually macaroni and cheese), started chowing down on the vegetable (peas), when he offered a great observation. Five minutes after he had bought his food.
Stan: "Hey, there's no meat in my stuffed shells with cheese!"
Me and his coworker: "............"
Stan: "I thought there would be some sort of meat."
Me: "...well....it did...just say cheese on the menu."
3. At the same lunch (the only time I saw him at all that particular day), Stan told me he was scared witless earlier as he couldn't find his towels. He believed that his towels had gone missing, so he spent a lot of time that morning looking for them. He looked in his car, under his bed, in the bathroom, and gave up. He simply declared the towels gone. Then he opened his closet. And there they were.
4. Part of the reason why I didn't update the blog earlier was that I was hosting some friends here. When we arrived, we moved all of our groceries we had bought into the house before I gave them a tour of the apartment. We went to the basement and talked there about what we could and couldn't or shouldn't do for a few minutes before we went back upstairs and to the bedrooms. Stan came out of his bedroom and greeted the both of them loudly.
The next morning at breakfast, Stan told me that he had heard us walk in and saw the bags on the kitchen table. Then went back to his room and waited for us to walk near his room, instead of looking for us and introducing himself then.
5. I had gone to a concert about 45 minutes away from here with one of the guests. I never told Stan this as I didn't feel like he really had to know. However, one person (whom I'm dating), didn't go to the concert and stayed behind like a good trooper.
This person had to use the bathroom and had walked all the way into the bathroom when Stan called out their name.
Stan: "Where's my coworker? And the other guest?"
Trooper: "At a concert."
Stan: "Which concert?"
Trooper: "[Name of band]."
Stan: "Where?"
Trooper: "I have no idea."
Stan: "I'm going to go look this up then."
Stan kept talking for a few minutes, uninterrupted, before the trooper told him that they had to use the bathroom and shut the door.
What does this have to do with me? Well, the next morning, Stan confronted me while I was at breakfast.
Stan: "So, where'd you go last night?"
Me: "Concert."
Stan: "Yeah, the [name of band] concert down in [place where concert was held]. I remember. I was sitting in my room and wondering where you were, and all of a sudden it hit me, 'He's at the concert!'"
Then he walked away.
6. Stan had told me the week before that he was thinking of staying over at his friend's place since she was on fall break. Or having her come over and stay at our apartment to let her relax. This is the same friend whom he visited before and canceled on him like twice. I think he was trying to brag about having friends since he didn't suggest having his friend stay over til after I told him that two of my friends were coming. Anyway, one night, he didn't come home. Could it be, I wondered, had he pulled it off?
No. He came home the next day and told me that his friend canceled again. He had apparently gone to try to fix a coworker's computer at their house and ended up staying until midnight. The coworker refused to let him drive home since we live an hour from him. After telling me this, he started talking about his boss's truck for no reason at all. I didn't keep very good notes about this day, but I have a feeling that he made a comparison to his Honda CR-V. Which...when I think of intimidating cars, I think Japanese 4-cylinder econo-suvs.
He then told me how smart he was for leaving a random change of clothes in his car. For just such an occasion.
7. He told me the following things while yelling. From 4 feet away.
Tonight, Stan told me that he had essentially gotten into work today at 2:00 PM, so he had to leave at 8:00 PM. When I asked if he had actually gotten in at 2, he said that he had gotten in at 8 am, but went to get SAP training and went to a team member's special lunch celebration for a few hours.
Now, I guess I really shouldn't be surprised considering that he thinks Googling stuff (we do not need Google for anything at work. Period. We have all information on intranet or with contacts) and walking around confused is actual work, but I would never waste time with administrative training we don't really need anyway. Nor would I so easily and openly go attend a celebration that I don't really have a part of. Don't get me wrong, I was also invited to lunch celebrations, but I first cleared it with my boss if it was ok for me to go. Mainly because these lunches celebrate events that we've been present for around 1% of.
8. After he told me what he did today, he walked back into his room. Then came back 3 minutes later to tell me that he felt homeless because he's slept in 4 different beds in 5 days. Then he went back to his room.
9. When he was in my room (both times) he could clearly see me using the internet and playing games over the internet. Yet, when he went back to his room:
Stan: "My internet isn't working. Is it broken?"
10. I wanted to go visit the tourist attraction that he had seen a few weeks ago. So I asked him what it was called. He invited himself into my room and next to my chair and told me what he thought the name was. So I Googled it. He was sorta right; the site has three different names. He couldn't tell me directions. The directions he gave me turned out to be horribly wrong. When I told him I could look it up myself, he stayed around and watched me search for it in in Google and Google Maps. This is the same place where he walked miles to reach it even though there's a parking lot at the site. And it's known for being the largest object of its kind in the whole state. Yet Stan had one more nugget of info for me:
Stan: "Yeah, it's pretty hard to miss."
*Edit*
Stan still can't turn on the fan when he cooks.
*end edit*
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Holding a Conversation
Stan: "So how are your projects going?"
Me: "Oh, they're going ok."
Stan: "How many do you have?"
Me: "4."
Stan: "Yeah, I have 6."
Me: "Yeah, I've been trying to get more, but my leadership has all been busy."
Stan then proceeded to talk non stop for five minutes, and then left.
I do believe...that when you start a conversation with someone...you shouldn't be the only party in the conversation.
Also, he compared the ranks of our bosses. Which, to me, matters for shit. And I think it honestly should matter for shit since whatever level our bosses are doesn't really determine the work we get or how well we do it, but hey, Stan likes to compete.
Lastly, his brilliant idea to fix a problem on a machine was to burn the excess dust that was formed. Right at the machine. Sounded like he wanted to burn the crap IN the machine. We work in a paper factory. That is the most I will say about our jobs.
Me: "Oh, they're going ok."
Stan: "How many do you have?"
Me: "4."
Stan: "Yeah, I have 6."
Me: "Yeah, I've been trying to get more, but my leadership has all been busy."
Stan then proceeded to talk non stop for five minutes, and then left.
I do believe...that when you start a conversation with someone...you shouldn't be the only party in the conversation.
Also, he compared the ranks of our bosses. Which, to me, matters for shit. And I think it honestly should matter for shit since whatever level our bosses are doesn't really determine the work we get or how well we do it, but hey, Stan likes to compete.
Lastly, his brilliant idea to fix a problem on a machine was to burn the excess dust that was formed. Right at the machine. Sounded like he wanted to burn the crap IN the machine. We work in a paper factory. That is the most I will say about our jobs.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Awkward Staring
I sat in my room and enjoyed a quiet dinner; I forgot to turn on music, wasn't watching any videos, and Stan was not in the house. I decided to have a little dessert: Brie on crackers. As I proceeded to spread the somewhat decent brie on some rather bland crackers (the best ones I could find in the local grocery store, I'm afraid), Stan returned home. He walked by my door to say hello and then stopped in the door frame for 30 seconds, staring at me.
Me: "...Wh-"
Stan: "OH, I was confused about what you were doing." *Walks away*
I really don't see why he couldn't be more normal and just ask or something, but, hey, it's Stan.
Me: "...Wh-"
Stan: "OH, I was confused about what you were doing." *Walks away*
I really don't see why he couldn't be more normal and just ask or something, but, hey, it's Stan.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Kind of Ridiculous.
Heads up, a huge update heading your way.
** Over the weekend, I heard a story about Stan and a girl. He had told her that she was "a good girl to bring home to the parents." If that wasn't awkward enough, he then invited her to dinner with his parents. If this quote needs to be removed, it shall be done.
1. When we moved in, I had gotten cartons of large size eggs. Stan had gotten medium sized ones when he went to the grocery store. Of course, Stan asked me several times in the first two weeks whether the large ones were mine or his. But that's not the point. This week, I was making breakfast and thought I'd have eggs. When I opened the refrigerator I saw a box of large eggs, but I had sworn that I had finally finished my carton last week. I remembered Stan telling me that I could use his food if I had to, so I just took some eggs and went about my business. The next morning, I realized my milk was bad, so I just had eggs again. After breakfast, I go brush my teeth. The second day I had eggs, I went and brushed my teeth like normal. Stan stood in the shadows for 45 seconds and stared at me before I felt something extremely odd and threatening and turned to look.
Stan: "Were you eating my eggs?"
Me: *nods head, keeps brushing teeth*
Stan: "Ok, good, I thought I was going crazy."
2. We worked out a system for recycling the very first week we were here. We would put up plastic bags to hold things; separate bags for plastics, metals, and glass. Stan has left a plastic jub and cardboard cereal box on the floor for a week. Even though said bags were already mounted on the wall by me. At waist level. As in, he'd have to see the bags in order to put the crap on the floor. White bags. On a brown wall.
3. Our office has a special lunch program that happens once in a while. Basically, we eat hot dogs for really cheap. I knew about this early last week and didn't really pay it any mind. I love hot dogs, but I had other things to take care of. Yesterday, Stan did his creepy stick his head into my room and not say anything for a while or knock and when I finally acknowledged his presence, he had words of wisdom to say:
Stan: "So hot dog truck tomorrow."
Me: "Yup, I knew last we-"
Stan: "It's a good deal, 2 for a $1, wouldn't you say?"
Me: "Yeah, but I alre-"
Stan: "I'm going to eat so many *walks away*"
4. Stan does not seem to acknowledge personal space at all. He had no hesitation walking right into my room to put give me a receipt I left on a table in the living room. Right onto my bed. And then he told me why he walked into my room as he was leaving. It was quite frightening as I was sitting down and reading stuff online and all of a sudden he jumped out of nowhere.
5. Stan: "Why is my checking account balance so high? *looks at statements online* Oh right, I've been paid twice."
6. When I got home tonight, I realized that we were short a few drinking glasses. When I left for work this morning, we had the normal amount, so common sense says that Stan had something to do with the glasses.
Me: "Stan, what happened to our glasses?"
Stan: "I didn't do anything, they're in the drying rack."
Me: "Yeah...not so much."
Stan: "Oh. I'll probably find them when I'm cooking."
*pause*
Stan: "I have a tendency to lose stuff as I'm using it. Like, I've lost bagels and things like that as I'm eating them."
Me: "...."
Stan: "Also, I've broken two glasses already."
Me: "....What...how, these glasses are pretty strong."
Stan: "Not at all, they're totally flimsy."
Me: *thinking: I've accidentally dropped glasses onto pans in the drying rack*
Stan: "I just tapped two glasses together and they broke."
Me: "....Nice."
Keep in mind that these glasses belong to the landlord, not us...and he didn't tell either of us til now.
30 minutes later.
Stan: "I found the glasses. I put them in the pantry next to my cereal."
7. So, pretty much everything house related has been provided for us already. Including bedsheets. Stan asked today where his extra ones were. As if we'd be provided with extra stores of things that aren't even usually given anyway.
8. Stan and I have had several conversations about phones and providers. Basically, every conversation ends with him declaring how much better his stuff is than mine. I let it pass because his provider does offer better coverage than mine and also because I don't see the point in talking with him anymore. He struck up another conversation about phones today and recommended locations where he had the best signal in or around the house. Even though we have totally different phones. And service providers.
9. We have an in-house instant message client. Stan jumped on the emoticons right away. He doesn't hesitate to use a picture of a baby sheep instead of the word "you" in normal conversation. And he's very proud of doing so. Keep in mind the emoticons are roughly the size of a capital E. So it isn't at all confusing or hard to figure out what the fuck he's talking about.
10. Stan discusses our production schedules on the phone with family. Initially, I confronted him because I thought I heard him mentioning a product that's not on the shelves. Instead he was mentioning what his team was making and when. Either of which is a big no no.
11. I own and use a very expensive camera. Obviously, I would not have such a camera if I didn't know a little bit on how to use it. Stan saw some of my pictures online today.
Stan: "Your pictures are really good. I don't know how you did it. I have trouble taking pictures of [stationary machine]."
12. He literally just did this as I was about to close this post. We had bought 2 colanders, one metal and one plastic. We agreed that one would be used when anything was hot. Guess which one. We got the colanders 4 weeks ago.
Stan: "So, I'm confused about the two colanders. Can we just use them for whatever?"
Me: "....Well....one...is for hot things...or for heat resistance...like straining just-boiled pasta..."
Stan: "Oh. Ok. I've been using the metal one for that. And the plastic one for like salads."
Me: "Great. Keep at it."
Stan: "Just wanted to make sure we didn't designate the colanders for any specific tasks or anything."
Me: "...No, we did designate them."
Stan: "....OH YEAH."
**Edit 1**
13. Last week, I bought light bulbs for the lights in the hallway. I was nice and got normal lights. I was very tempted to get a green, a blue, and a normal. Just to screw with Stan. Just now:
Stan: "One of use should get 60 Watt lightbulbs for the lights in the bathroom."
Me: "Ok."
*15 second silence*
Me: "I bought the ones in the hallway."
Stan: "Oh, I guess I'll get them then."
**Edit 2...2 minutes after Edit 1**
14. Stan: "So you're going back in a few days?"
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "I'm going to hitch a ride with you. I need to sign a lease."
Me: "You're going to have to drive yourself."
Stan: "Why?"
Me: *thinking: Because I do not want to ride with you for a total of 4 hours in a tiny space* "There's a bunch of stuff in my car that I can't move out, and it has to stay in there."
Stan: "...Ok. Just thought I'd let you know a few days in advance."
I don't know if he actually listened to what I said.
** Over the weekend, I heard a story about Stan and a girl. He had told her that she was "a good girl to bring home to the parents." If that wasn't awkward enough, he then invited her to dinner with his parents. If this quote needs to be removed, it shall be done.
1. When we moved in, I had gotten cartons of large size eggs. Stan had gotten medium sized ones when he went to the grocery store. Of course, Stan asked me several times in the first two weeks whether the large ones were mine or his. But that's not the point. This week, I was making breakfast and thought I'd have eggs. When I opened the refrigerator I saw a box of large eggs, but I had sworn that I had finally finished my carton last week. I remembered Stan telling me that I could use his food if I had to, so I just took some eggs and went about my business. The next morning, I realized my milk was bad, so I just had eggs again. After breakfast, I go brush my teeth. The second day I had eggs, I went and brushed my teeth like normal. Stan stood in the shadows for 45 seconds and stared at me before I felt something extremely odd and threatening and turned to look.
Stan: "Were you eating my eggs?"
Me: *nods head, keeps brushing teeth*
Stan: "Ok, good, I thought I was going crazy."
2. We worked out a system for recycling the very first week we were here. We would put up plastic bags to hold things; separate bags for plastics, metals, and glass. Stan has left a plastic jub and cardboard cereal box on the floor for a week. Even though said bags were already mounted on the wall by me. At waist level. As in, he'd have to see the bags in order to put the crap on the floor. White bags. On a brown wall.
3. Our office has a special lunch program that happens once in a while. Basically, we eat hot dogs for really cheap. I knew about this early last week and didn't really pay it any mind. I love hot dogs, but I had other things to take care of. Yesterday, Stan did his creepy stick his head into my room and not say anything for a while or knock and when I finally acknowledged his presence, he had words of wisdom to say:
Stan: "So hot dog truck tomorrow."
Me: "Yup, I knew last we-"
Stan: "It's a good deal, 2 for a $1, wouldn't you say?"
Me: "Yeah, but I alre-"
Stan: "I'm going to eat so many *walks away*"
4. Stan does not seem to acknowledge personal space at all. He had no hesitation walking right into my room to put give me a receipt I left on a table in the living room. Right onto my bed. And then he told me why he walked into my room as he was leaving. It was quite frightening as I was sitting down and reading stuff online and all of a sudden he jumped out of nowhere.
5. Stan: "Why is my checking account balance so high? *looks at statements online* Oh right, I've been paid twice."
6. When I got home tonight, I realized that we were short a few drinking glasses. When I left for work this morning, we had the normal amount, so common sense says that Stan had something to do with the glasses.
Me: "Stan, what happened to our glasses?"
Stan: "I didn't do anything, they're in the drying rack."
Me: "Yeah...not so much."
Stan: "Oh. I'll probably find them when I'm cooking."
*pause*
Stan: "I have a tendency to lose stuff as I'm using it. Like, I've lost bagels and things like that as I'm eating them."
Me: "...."
Stan: "Also, I've broken two glasses already."
Me: "....What...how, these glasses are pretty strong."
Stan: "Not at all, they're totally flimsy."
Me: *thinking: I've accidentally dropped glasses onto pans in the drying rack*
Stan: "I just tapped two glasses together and they broke."
Me: "....Nice."
Keep in mind that these glasses belong to the landlord, not us...and he didn't tell either of us til now.
30 minutes later.
Stan: "I found the glasses. I put them in the pantry next to my cereal."
7. So, pretty much everything house related has been provided for us already. Including bedsheets. Stan asked today where his extra ones were. As if we'd be provided with extra stores of things that aren't even usually given anyway.
8. Stan and I have had several conversations about phones and providers. Basically, every conversation ends with him declaring how much better his stuff is than mine. I let it pass because his provider does offer better coverage than mine and also because I don't see the point in talking with him anymore. He struck up another conversation about phones today and recommended locations where he had the best signal in or around the house. Even though we have totally different phones. And service providers.
9. We have an in-house instant message client. Stan jumped on the emoticons right away. He doesn't hesitate to use a picture of a baby sheep instead of the word "you" in normal conversation. And he's very proud of doing so. Keep in mind the emoticons are roughly the size of a capital E. So it isn't at all confusing or hard to figure out what the fuck he's talking about.
10. Stan discusses our production schedules on the phone with family. Initially, I confronted him because I thought I heard him mentioning a product that's not on the shelves. Instead he was mentioning what his team was making and when. Either of which is a big no no.
11. I own and use a very expensive camera. Obviously, I would not have such a camera if I didn't know a little bit on how to use it. Stan saw some of my pictures online today.
Stan: "Your pictures are really good. I don't know how you did it. I have trouble taking pictures of [stationary machine]."
12. He literally just did this as I was about to close this post. We had bought 2 colanders, one metal and one plastic. We agreed that one would be used when anything was hot. Guess which one. We got the colanders 4 weeks ago.
Stan: "So, I'm confused about the two colanders. Can we just use them for whatever?"
Me: "....Well....one...is for hot things...or for heat resistance...like straining just-boiled pasta..."
Stan: "Oh. Ok. I've been using the metal one for that. And the plastic one for like salads."
Me: "Great. Keep at it."
Stan: "Just wanted to make sure we didn't designate the colanders for any specific tasks or anything."
Me: "...No, we did designate them."
Stan: "....OH YEAH."
**Edit 1**
13. Last week, I bought light bulbs for the lights in the hallway. I was nice and got normal lights. I was very tempted to get a green, a blue, and a normal. Just to screw with Stan. Just now:
Stan: "One of use should get 60 Watt lightbulbs for the lights in the bathroom."
Me: "Ok."
*15 second silence*
Me: "I bought the ones in the hallway."
Stan: "Oh, I guess I'll get them then."
**Edit 2...2 minutes after Edit 1**
14. Stan: "So you're going back in a few days?"
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "I'm going to hitch a ride with you. I need to sign a lease."
Me: "You're going to have to drive yourself."
Stan: "Why?"
Me: *thinking: Because I do not want to ride with you for a total of 4 hours in a tiny space* "There's a bunch of stuff in my car that I can't move out, and it has to stay in there."
Stan: "...Ok. Just thought I'd let you know a few days in advance."
I don't know if he actually listened to what I said.
Monday, October 1, 2007
The Dishes Are Always A Problem
Stan messaged me at work today saying that he forgot to do the dishes and that he'd do them right when he got home.
I got home and looked in the sink. Lo and behold, there were dirty dishes there. And they weren't even rinsed. The silverware was sitting in a bowl that once held cereal. I knew because little crumbs floated in the white water.
When he got home, he still didn't keep his word and waited a good 20 minutes before doing the dishes "right away," as he said he would at work and when he opened the door.
I got home and looked in the sink. Lo and behold, there were dirty dishes there. And they weren't even rinsed. The silverware was sitting in a bowl that once held cereal. I knew because little crumbs floated in the white water.
When he got home, he still didn't keep his word and waited a good 20 minutes before doing the dishes "right away," as he said he would at work and when he opened the door.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)