Kind of Ridiculous.

Heads up, a huge update heading your way.

**  Over the weekend, I heard a story about Stan and a girl.  He had told her that she was "a good girl to bring home to the parents."  If that wasn't awkward enough, he then invited her to dinner with his parents.  If this quote needs to be removed, it shall be done.

1.  When we moved in, I had gotten cartons of large size eggs.  Stan had gotten medium sized ones when he went to the grocery store.  Of course, Stan asked me several times in the first two weeks whether the large ones were mine or his.  But that's not the point.  This week, I was making breakfast and thought I'd have eggs.  When I opened the refrigerator I saw a box of large eggs, but I had sworn that I had finally finished my carton last week.  I remembered Stan telling me that I could use his food if I had to, so I just took some eggs and went about my business.  The next morning, I realized my milk was bad, so I just had eggs again.  After breakfast, I go brush my teeth.  The second day I had eggs, I went and brushed my teeth like normal.  Stan stood in the shadows for 45 seconds and stared at me before I felt something extremely odd and threatening and turned to look.
Stan: "Were you eating my eggs?"
Me: *nods head, keeps brushing teeth*
Stan: "Ok, good, I thought I was going crazy."

2.  We worked out a system for recycling the very first week we were here.  We would put up plastic bags to hold things; separate bags for plastics, metals, and glass.  Stan has left a plastic jub and cardboard cereal box on the floor for a week.  Even though said bags were already mounted on the wall by me.  At waist level.  As in, he'd have to see the bags in order to put the crap on the floor.  White bags.  On a brown wall.

3.  Our office has a special lunch program that happens once in a while.  Basically, we eat hot dogs for really cheap.  I knew about this early last week and didn't really pay it any mind.  I love hot dogs, but I had other things to take care of.  Yesterday, Stan did his creepy stick his head into my room and not say anything for a while or knock and when I finally acknowledged his presence, he had words of wisdom to say:

Stan: "So hot dog truck tomorrow."
Me: "Yup, I knew last we-"
Stan: "It's a good deal, 2 for a $1, wouldn't you say?"
Me: "Yeah, but I alre-"
Stan: "I'm going to eat so many *walks away*"

4.  Stan does not seem to acknowledge personal space at all.  He had no hesitation walking right into my room to put give me a receipt I left on a table in the living room.  Right onto my bed.  And then he told me why he walked into my room as he was leaving.  It was quite frightening as I was sitting down and reading stuff online and all of a sudden he jumped out of nowhere.

5.  Stan: "Why is my checking account balance so high?  *looks at statements online* Oh right, I've been paid twice."

6.  When I got home tonight, I realized that we were short a few drinking glasses.  When I left for work this morning, we had the normal amount, so common sense says that Stan had something to do with the glasses.  

Me: "Stan, what happened to our glasses?"
Stan: "I didn't do anything, they're in the drying rack."
Me: "Yeah...not so much."
Stan: "Oh.  I'll probably find them when I'm cooking."
*pause*
Stan: "I have a tendency to lose stuff as I'm using it.  Like, I've lost bagels and things like that as I'm eating them."
Me: "...."
Stan: "Also, I've broken two glasses already."
Me: "....What...how, these glasses are pretty strong."
Stan: "Not at all, they're totally flimsy."
Me: *thinking: I've accidentally dropped glasses onto pans in the drying rack*
Stan: "I just tapped two glasses together and they broke."
Me: "....Nice."

Keep in mind that these glasses belong to the landlord, not us...and he didn't tell either of us til now.

30 minutes later.

Stan: "I found the glasses.  I put them in the pantry next to my cereal."

7.  So, pretty much everything house related has been provided for us already.  Including bedsheets.  Stan asked today where his extra ones were.  As if we'd be provided with extra stores of things that aren't even usually given anyway.

8.  Stan and I have had several conversations about phones and providers.  Basically, every conversation ends with him declaring how much better his stuff is than mine.  I let it pass because his provider does offer better coverage than mine and also because I don't see the point in talking with him anymore.  He struck up another conversation about phones today and recommended locations where he had the best signal in or around the house.  Even though we have totally different phones.  And service providers.

9.  We have an in-house instant message client.  Stan jumped on the emoticons right away.  He doesn't hesitate to use a picture of a baby sheep instead of the word "you" in normal conversation.  And he's very proud of doing so.  Keep in mind the emoticons are roughly the size of a capital E.  So it isn't at all confusing or hard to figure out what the fuck he's talking about.

10.  Stan discusses our production schedules on the phone with family.  Initially, I confronted him because I thought I heard him mentioning a product that's not on the shelves.  Instead he was mentioning what his team was making and when.  Either of which is a big no no.

11.  I own and use a very expensive camera.  Obviously, I would not have such a camera if I didn't know a little bit on how to use it.  Stan saw some of my pictures online today.

Stan: "Your pictures are really good.  I don't know how you did it.  I have trouble taking pictures of [stationary machine]."

12.  He literally just did this as I was about to close this post.  We had bought 2 colanders, one metal and one plastic.  We agreed that one would be used when anything was hot.  Guess which one.  We got the colanders 4 weeks ago.

Stan: "So, I'm confused about the two colanders.  Can we just use them for whatever?"
Me: "....Well....one...is for hot things...or for heat resistance...like straining just-boiled pasta..."
Stan: "Oh.  Ok.  I've been using the metal one for that.  And the plastic one for like salads."
Me: "Great.  Keep at it."
Stan: "Just wanted to make sure we didn't designate the colanders for any specific tasks or anything."
Me: "...No, we did designate them."
Stan: "....OH YEAH."

**Edit 1**

13.  Last week, I bought light bulbs for the lights in the hallway.  I was nice and got normal lights.  I was very tempted to get a green, a blue, and a normal.  Just to screw with Stan.  Just now:
Stan: "One of use should get 60 Watt lightbulbs for the lights in the bathroom."
Me: "Ok."
*15 second silence*
Me: "I bought the ones in the hallway."
Stan: "Oh, I guess I'll get them then."

**Edit 2...2 minutes after Edit 1**

14.  Stan: "So you're going back in a few days?"
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "I'm going to hitch a ride with you.  I need to sign a lease."
Me: "You're going to have to drive yourself."
Stan: "Why?"
Me: *thinking: Because I do not want to ride with you for a total of 4 hours in a tiny space* "There's a bunch of stuff in my car that I can't move out, and it has to stay in there."
Stan: "...Ok.  Just thought I'd let you know a few days in advance."

I don't know if he actually listened to what I said.