1. Stan laughed today like a hyper monkey.
2. Stan started doing the voice dialing thing again...like...slowly and clearly pronouncing each word like a command. Cept, remember, his phone does not have voice dialing.
3. There was snow on the road and I decided to be nice and offer a ride to the grocery store or WalMart so he could get stuff. He drives a sedan and I thought he might have trouble getting out.
Me: "Do you need or want to go to WalMart or the grocery store or anything? Anything at all? Like batteries?" Notice how I'm hinting that he should get batteries for his mouse.
Stan: "Nope. Don't need anything after I took that wired mouse from upstairs. Gotta think outside the box."
Now...I think...it's quite rude to steal from your landlady. Especially since he's gone and made her computer useless. When he can use his trackpad. But, that's just me.
4. I opened my cabinet and found mouse poop on the shelf.
Me: "Yo, we have a mouse problem."
Stan: "How can you tell?"
Me: "Mouse poop. Look."
I removed my box of crackers from the shelf and the open pack had several crackers that were gnawed away.
Stan: "Yup, that would be the culprit."
I moved other stuff around so we could see if anything else was eaten. Also, I wanted to clean the mouse poop away from the shelf and my stuff.
Me: *moving a metal can and glass jar away and looking at the bottom of each*
Stan: "I don't think mice will eat through that *with attitude*."
Me: "...I'm looking for poop, dude."
Stan: "Oh."
Me: "Oh well."
Stan: "Did you find any open packages?"
Me: "....You mean....besides....the crackers...?"
Stan: "....Yeah, the crackers."
Me: "......ok....Well, also, I have no idea what this piece of plastic is for. Looks like it was part of the heater."
Stan: "Yeah. I don't know. Maybe part of the refridgerator or the heater. *looks away at heater* Yeah it was part of the heater."
Me: "..."
Stan: *walks away like he's going to solve the mouse problem, only to talk to his family about something entirely different*
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Sick Delay
Sorry all, I got really sick and couldn't update for a while. Strep throat is nasty business...made better through Motrin, raw garlic pieces, and Robitussin.
Anyway, long post again, so here we go.
1. Stan had gotten into a car accident. To quote him, he was "t-boned." In any case, he had called me and told me that his car was damaged and to watch out for the damaged CR-V and a rental car sitting in the parking lot. He told me two days after the fact. As in, he called me Sunday to tell me he got into a car accident on Friday. Anyway, when I got back, I looked over his car briefly and talked to him about it.
Stan: "Yeah, the side, two wheels, part of the front. It's really pretty bad. The other car just went right into my side."
Me: "How fast were you going?"
Stan: "45."
Me: "How fast was the other car going?"
Stan: "15 mph."
Me: "..."
Stan: "He was accelerating, though!"
By looking at the damage, it didn't really look like a "t-bone," it looked more like the other car scraped like <5 inches in for half the length of the car.
Me: "You know it really doesn't look THAT bad. Doesn't look like there'll be any frame damage, just cosmetic stuff."
Stan: "Yeah, but the frame is probably gone."
Me: "..."
2. Oh sorry, I probably shoulda backed up to when I actually got home. Or before that. See during the call on Sunday he had told me that he had gotten whiplash. When I arrived home, I had both arms full and couldn't open the door. In the rain. With snow all around me, melting and sloshing. Our door has a window that faces into the living room, where Stan was very comfortably laid out on the couch. We established eye contact and he didn't even acknowledge my presence. Then, I struggled to readjust all my stuff to unlock and open the door. Only then did he say hi.
3. I walked to the sink and was horrified. All of our glasses, 3 pots and pans, and several plates and sets of silverware were sitting in the sink, soaking in water. Not soapy water, just water.
Me: "Holy."
Stan: "Yeah, sorry, I couldn't do the dishes because I couldn't really move around without pain. I shouldn't be doing a lot of exertion."
That. Was probably a bold faced lie so he could be extra lazy. After I got home, he literally followed me everywhere in the house for 20 mins, walking and talking. Clearly, he was not hurting as bad as he claimed. Not bad enough to avoid doing dishes at least.
Me: "Just clean one glass for now. I don't think it's fair that I should have to do your dishes."
Stan: "If I can, maybe."
He did his exercises from his doctor. 15 mins after that, he washed one glass. With attitude.
4. I had broken a glass trying to fill my water pitcher in the sink. There was simply no room to move around in there and I ended up hitting one of the glasses with my pitcher as I was rinsing it out. I put the pieces on the table top at eye level so that I could see it and put all the pieces inside a paper bag, once I found one. Like. The pieces were right above the sink, directly under the lights. But I couldn't find a paper bag.
Me: "Stan, do you have any paper bags?"
Stan: *at sink* "No. What do you need it for?"
Me: "...That broken glass. *point right in front of him*"
Stan: "What broken glass?"
Me: "..............That one. *repoint*"
Stan: "Where?"
Me: "Right in front of you."
Stan: "Oh. So *smugly*, you broke a glass too huh?"
Me: "Yeah. There was too much stuff in the sink."
5. Stan always leaves his bananas out on a plate in the kitchen. There was only one there and it was very very overripe.
Stan: "I don't understand, I ate that banana's twin two days ago and it wasn't that ripe."
6. Stan likes to take his metal cans from food and soak them in water. I guess to clean them or something, I dunno. I always just swish out the food remainder, peel the label, and put it in the metal recycling, but whatever. Stan had left two cans soaking for 3 days. He then wondered why the cans rusted.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WET METAL DOES WHEN EXPOSED TO AIR, TARDBUCKET
7. Stan took the dry dishes in the dish rack and wiped them with a wet towel before placing them in the cupboards. Maybe he thought he was helping. By defeating the action we left evaporation to do.
8. I had started getting quite sick and didn't know why yet. Stan had offered me cough drops one night, but I told him I'd try to find my own since I have 2 bags lying around somewhere. The next morning, I couldn't find them.
Me: "Stan, can I have some of the cough drops you were talking about? I couldn't find mine."
Stan: "......Yeah. Let me see if I have any."
We then walked towards his room together, with me following a step behind. When he got inside his room, he shut the door in my face. Like, trailing foot in, door shut. He didn't slam, just shut very quickly. He did almost hit me in the nose.
9. Stan walked into the house and towards his room. He stuck his hand up in the same direction as his walking and pressed the remote lock button on his car remote. His car locked, but why he was facing totally perpendicular to his car, I will never figure out. It's not like he didn't know where the thing was; he's parked there every day and he can actually see his car through the huge kitchen window.
10. Stan wanted to get a different rental car. He didn't like how his car didn't have Anti-lock brakes. How did he know? He tested the brakes. By slamming hard when going 15 mph. While it was snowing. On an icy road. He was right about the car not having ABS, but I don't think it's fair for him to claim that the only reason why his car kept veering to the sides while he was braking was due to lack of ABS.
11. Stan: "I'm glad I have a Honda. The tow truck only had to take it to [dealership] (a 30-40 minute drive). I'm so much more fortunate than you as that's far more reasonable for me."
Me: "................You....are aware that....there's a Jeep dealership downtown. So...like...5 minutes away."
Stan: "....Ok."
12. Me: "Yeah, our landlord was here earlier saying that the main road through town wasn't even plowed."
Stan: "Wow. How'd she get here then? Did she take her Mercedes or her Jeep?"
Me: "I didn't see, but I'm guessing she took her Jeep."
Stan: "Yeah, well, you mean Ted's Jeep."
Me: ".....*thinking, wtf is wrong with this kid, he's pretty much correcting himself* Sure."
Stan: "That's better."
Me: "....Anyway, yeah, I didn't see her car. She left not long afterwards."
13. Stan: "Do you have any AA batteries?"
Me: "Somewhere. I don't know where though, I've been looking for them."
Stan: "I need some to finish my final presentation."
Me: "...Don't you have a laptop? Can't you use the trackpad?"
Stan: "BAH, that'll mean it'll take FOREVER!"
Me: "......Right, well, I don't know where my batteries are."
Stan: "I guess I'll manage then."
Good news! He's moving out this Friday! I don't know why or how he did it but he's coming back to work in January for like 4 days. This makes no sense to me. Why would you be done with your final presentation, basically stop working, and come back for 4 days? Just stay home. You're done. If they're paying him for a longer vacation than most of the people at work take, then I should be able to get a week off no problem. Anyway, he's not moving back in, so I'm happy.
HR Person at work: "I don't really know what he was thinking, coming from home. But, if he really wants to drive 40 mins one way...in the terrible snow...in a hilly area....with narrow, dark roads, that's his choice."
**Edit**
Some stuff I forgot and just got this afternoon
1. So Stan needed a hot pad and a cold pad for his sore areas after his car accident. Remember, I saw him...two days...after the accident happened.
Stan: "OHHHHH, I probably shouldn't keep the hot pad in the freezer."
2. When I woke up this afternoon, Stan IMMEDIATELY opened the door and said hi. It was creepy.
3. Stan in the kitchen to his phone: "Phonebook. Call. [Name]. Ok."
His phone...does not have voice recognition.
4. Remember Stan's mouse dilemma?
Stan: "I fixed my mouse problem! I went upstairs and took our landlady's mouse off her computer. Can you believe that it's a USB mouse with a ball?"
Yes, Stan. What I can't believe is that you stole our landlady's mouse. Oh wait. No. I can believe that. I just didn't think you'd actually do it.
**End Edit**
Anyway, long post again, so here we go.
1. Stan had gotten into a car accident. To quote him, he was "t-boned." In any case, he had called me and told me that his car was damaged and to watch out for the damaged CR-V and a rental car sitting in the parking lot. He told me two days after the fact. As in, he called me Sunday to tell me he got into a car accident on Friday. Anyway, when I got back, I looked over his car briefly and talked to him about it.
Stan: "Yeah, the side, two wheels, part of the front. It's really pretty bad. The other car just went right into my side."
Me: "How fast were you going?"
Stan: "45."
Me: "How fast was the other car going?"
Stan: "15 mph."
Me: "..."
Stan: "He was accelerating, though!"
By looking at the damage, it didn't really look like a "t-bone," it looked more like the other car scraped like <5 inches in for half the length of the car.
Me: "You know it really doesn't look THAT bad. Doesn't look like there'll be any frame damage, just cosmetic stuff."
Stan: "Yeah, but the frame is probably gone."
Me: "..."
2. Oh sorry, I probably shoulda backed up to when I actually got home. Or before that. See during the call on Sunday he had told me that he had gotten whiplash. When I arrived home, I had both arms full and couldn't open the door. In the rain. With snow all around me, melting and sloshing. Our door has a window that faces into the living room, where Stan was very comfortably laid out on the couch. We established eye contact and he didn't even acknowledge my presence. Then, I struggled to readjust all my stuff to unlock and open the door. Only then did he say hi.
3. I walked to the sink and was horrified. All of our glasses, 3 pots and pans, and several plates and sets of silverware were sitting in the sink, soaking in water. Not soapy water, just water.
Me: "Holy."
Stan: "Yeah, sorry, I couldn't do the dishes because I couldn't really move around without pain. I shouldn't be doing a lot of exertion."
That. Was probably a bold faced lie so he could be extra lazy. After I got home, he literally followed me everywhere in the house for 20 mins, walking and talking. Clearly, he was not hurting as bad as he claimed. Not bad enough to avoid doing dishes at least.
Me: "Just clean one glass for now. I don't think it's fair that I should have to do your dishes."
Stan: "If I can, maybe."
He did his exercises from his doctor. 15 mins after that, he washed one glass. With attitude.
4. I had broken a glass trying to fill my water pitcher in the sink. There was simply no room to move around in there and I ended up hitting one of the glasses with my pitcher as I was rinsing it out. I put the pieces on the table top at eye level so that I could see it and put all the pieces inside a paper bag, once I found one. Like. The pieces were right above the sink, directly under the lights. But I couldn't find a paper bag.
Me: "Stan, do you have any paper bags?"
Stan: *at sink* "No. What do you need it for?"
Me: "...That broken glass. *point right in front of him*"
Stan: "What broken glass?"
Me: "..............That one. *repoint*"
Stan: "Where?"
Me: "Right in front of you."
Stan: "Oh. So *smugly*, you broke a glass too huh?"
Me: "Yeah. There was too much stuff in the sink."
5. Stan always leaves his bananas out on a plate in the kitchen. There was only one there and it was very very overripe.
Stan: "I don't understand, I ate that banana's twin two days ago and it wasn't that ripe."
6. Stan likes to take his metal cans from food and soak them in water. I guess to clean them or something, I dunno. I always just swish out the food remainder, peel the label, and put it in the metal recycling, but whatever. Stan had left two cans soaking for 3 days. He then wondered why the cans rusted.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WET METAL DOES WHEN EXPOSED TO AIR, TARDBUCKET
7. Stan took the dry dishes in the dish rack and wiped them with a wet towel before placing them in the cupboards. Maybe he thought he was helping. By defeating the action we left evaporation to do.
8. I had started getting quite sick and didn't know why yet. Stan had offered me cough drops one night, but I told him I'd try to find my own since I have 2 bags lying around somewhere. The next morning, I couldn't find them.
Me: "Stan, can I have some of the cough drops you were talking about? I couldn't find mine."
Stan: "......Yeah. Let me see if I have any."
We then walked towards his room together, with me following a step behind. When he got inside his room, he shut the door in my face. Like, trailing foot in, door shut. He didn't slam, just shut very quickly. He did almost hit me in the nose.
9. Stan walked into the house and towards his room. He stuck his hand up in the same direction as his walking and pressed the remote lock button on his car remote. His car locked, but why he was facing totally perpendicular to his car, I will never figure out. It's not like he didn't know where the thing was; he's parked there every day and he can actually see his car through the huge kitchen window.
10. Stan wanted to get a different rental car. He didn't like how his car didn't have Anti-lock brakes. How did he know? He tested the brakes. By slamming hard when going 15 mph. While it was snowing. On an icy road. He was right about the car not having ABS, but I don't think it's fair for him to claim that the only reason why his car kept veering to the sides while he was braking was due to lack of ABS.
11. Stan: "I'm glad I have a Honda. The tow truck only had to take it to [dealership] (a 30-40 minute drive). I'm so much more fortunate than you as that's far more reasonable for me."
Me: "................You....are aware that....there's a Jeep dealership downtown. So...like...5 minutes away."
Stan: "....Ok."
12. Me: "Yeah, our landlord was here earlier saying that the main road through town wasn't even plowed."
Stan: "Wow. How'd she get here then? Did she take her Mercedes or her Jeep?"
Me: "I didn't see, but I'm guessing she took her Jeep."
Stan: "Yeah, well, you mean Ted's Jeep."
Me: ".....*thinking, wtf is wrong with this kid, he's pretty much correcting himself* Sure."
Stan: "That's better."
Me: "....Anyway, yeah, I didn't see her car. She left not long afterwards."
13. Stan: "Do you have any AA batteries?"
Me: "Somewhere. I don't know where though, I've been looking for them."
Stan: "I need some to finish my final presentation."
Me: "...Don't you have a laptop? Can't you use the trackpad?"
Stan: "BAH, that'll mean it'll take FOREVER!"
Me: "......Right, well, I don't know where my batteries are."
Stan: "I guess I'll manage then."
Good news! He's moving out this Friday! I don't know why or how he did it but he's coming back to work in January for like 4 days. This makes no sense to me. Why would you be done with your final presentation, basically stop working, and come back for 4 days? Just stay home. You're done. If they're paying him for a longer vacation than most of the people at work take, then I should be able to get a week off no problem. Anyway, he's not moving back in, so I'm happy.
HR Person at work: "I don't really know what he was thinking, coming from home. But, if he really wants to drive 40 mins one way...in the terrible snow...in a hilly area....with narrow, dark roads, that's his choice."
**Edit**
Some stuff I forgot and just got this afternoon
1. So Stan needed a hot pad and a cold pad for his sore areas after his car accident. Remember, I saw him...two days...after the accident happened.
Stan: "OHHHHH, I probably shouldn't keep the hot pad in the freezer."
2. When I woke up this afternoon, Stan IMMEDIATELY opened the door and said hi. It was creepy.
3. Stan in the kitchen to his phone: "Phonebook. Call. [Name]. Ok."
His phone...does not have voice recognition.
4. Remember Stan's mouse dilemma?
Stan: "I fixed my mouse problem! I went upstairs and took our landlady's mouse off her computer. Can you believe that it's a USB mouse with a ball?"
Yes, Stan. What I can't believe is that you stole our landlady's mouse. Oh wait. No. I can believe that. I just didn't think you'd actually do it.
**End Edit**
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Couple Days
1. Stan left a butter tub in the sink with water sitting in it for days. I would've confronted him earlier but he didn't come back home. When he did, I spoke to him.
Me: "Stan, why is this plastic tub sitting in the sink?"
Stan: "It's a butter tub. I was soaking it to get rid of the butter."
Ok. First off, 3 seconds with a soapy sponge, which we have, would've gotten rid of it immediately. Second off, I know he failed orgo, but, butter is for all intents and purposes, a fat. A lipid. An organic substance. As in, not water soluble. Hence, why butterbells (which are amazing) work. A butterbell has two pieces, a cup and a bell shape. The bell shape is filled with butter and the cup with water. The bell part goes into the cup and keeps the butter at water temperature to keep it spreadable and reduces the speed of going bad. But, the butter doesn't dissolve in the water. So, Stan left oily water in a plastic tub for two days.
2. Stan shaved one day and didn't rinse the sink. Which made brushing my teeth an endeavor. When I saw him at lunch, I told him that he needs to wash the sink after he shaves. He claimed he did. I pointed out that he didn't. He sounded defensive again, but said he'd try to remember next time.
3. Stan left at 4 in the morning one day. I know because he had the common courtesy to slam his bedroom door, which is right outside of mine. In addition, he was completely unable to leave the shower door open, as I reqested and he acknowledged.
4. Later that day, I told Stan that he needed to leave the shower door open. He said he did. I said he didn't. He then asked which door I was talking about. I said again, shower door. Glass door. Stan thought I was talking about the wood bathroom door. Silly Stan.
5. Someone goofed at work. New hires are given a gift pack a few weeks after they start, but for some reason, only a few people got them this year. And those few, of whom Stan was one, got like 10 of them, but in a staggered way. He had gotten 4 and given them to his family (I think, the boxes disappeared). Then all of a sudden he got 6 more. All the boxes are the same. I joked that if he didn't want one, I could take one. He said he'd think about it. The next day at work he told me that he was going to graciously give me one of his boxes. The opened one. I didn't understand why he opened the box, seeing as how he might have to return it anyway, so I asked.
Stan: "I was wondering if they were all the same."
Me: "Probably."
So, I started going through the box since he insisted that I keep it.
Me: "Oh hey, this is nice, I think I use this anyway."
Stan: "What? Wait, I didn't see this before."
Stan then proceeded to dump out the entire contents of the box into the hallway and rummaged through. And he refused to put things back in the way they came, so the box didn't shut anymore and I had to repack it.
Me: "THANKS. Stan."
Stan: "Yeah sorry. Apparently, some things in the package are different."
Me: "...But...you already went through the box before."
Stan: "Yeah."
6. Our table has an ion filtering fan on it to get rid of smells. Which, come to think of it, since Stan turned it off, our kitchen has smelled like garlic. Lemme go fix that. Never mind, it's on low, but now the buttons are stuck.
Anyway, he moved it off so he could sit and eat. I told him that he could take the normal chair as I was going to eat in my room and do some work/chores. Stan told me to "eat wherever I want," as if he was giving me orders and owned the house.
7. When my friends came over to visit, they had prepared a salad. To make said salad, they used a clear plastic bowl that I had never seen before they arrived. Stan was making dinner one day:
Stan: "Have you seen that clear plastic bowl?"
Me: "No."
Stan: "I found out it's a good salad bowl."
Me: "I thought that belonged to my friends. Thought they bought it, since I had never seen it before they came over."
Stan: "Yeah, that's when I discovered it."
I think by "discover," he means saw it being used. So that he could take credit for it.
8. Stan was talking about something he was doing. Something about a long day later this week. I thought he was trying to make conversation, and I wanted to seem nice while I was putting on my jacket to leave.
Me: "Yeah, just to let you know, I'm going into work at 6 in two days."
Stan: "Ouch..........Not as bad as 4."
I shoulda realized he just wanted a competition.
9. Stan on the phone with his friend: "Is ritalin an antidepressant? .......That's a pretty old prescription."
No WONDER why his friends think he's so smart!
10. Me: "Stan, you gotta keep the shower door open."
Stan: "I did."
Me: "I just used the bathroom, and the shower door was shut and you were the last person to use it."
Stan: "Well, I definitely left it open."
Me: "Right. Just like how you're doing the recycling?"
*Motion to egg carton on floor. That's been there for 3 days.*
Stan: "I don't see YOU doing your recycling!"
Me: "...You mean that pizza box that's too dirty to be recycled?"
Stan: "...*places egg carton in bag for plastic recycling*"
Me: "..."
Stan: *places cardboard tube into plastic recycling*
Me: "Yeah, no, try that again."
Stan: *opens cabinet and rearranges plastics*
Me: "No, I meant the cardboard in the plastics."
Stan: "*attitude* That's why I opened the cabinet? To get another plastic bag?"
Me: "Yup, that's also why you put the cardboard tube into the plastics?"
Stan: "......*gets new plastic bag*"
Me: "Stan, why is this plastic tub sitting in the sink?"
Stan: "It's a butter tub. I was soaking it to get rid of the butter."
Ok. First off, 3 seconds with a soapy sponge, which we have, would've gotten rid of it immediately. Second off, I know he failed orgo, but, butter is for all intents and purposes, a fat. A lipid. An organic substance. As in, not water soluble. Hence, why butterbells (which are amazing) work. A butterbell has two pieces, a cup and a bell shape. The bell shape is filled with butter and the cup with water. The bell part goes into the cup and keeps the butter at water temperature to keep it spreadable and reduces the speed of going bad. But, the butter doesn't dissolve in the water. So, Stan left oily water in a plastic tub for two days.
2. Stan shaved one day and didn't rinse the sink. Which made brushing my teeth an endeavor. When I saw him at lunch, I told him that he needs to wash the sink after he shaves. He claimed he did. I pointed out that he didn't. He sounded defensive again, but said he'd try to remember next time.
3. Stan left at 4 in the morning one day. I know because he had the common courtesy to slam his bedroom door, which is right outside of mine. In addition, he was completely unable to leave the shower door open, as I reqested and he acknowledged.
4. Later that day, I told Stan that he needed to leave the shower door open. He said he did. I said he didn't. He then asked which door I was talking about. I said again, shower door. Glass door. Stan thought I was talking about the wood bathroom door. Silly Stan.
5. Someone goofed at work. New hires are given a gift pack a few weeks after they start, but for some reason, only a few people got them this year. And those few, of whom Stan was one, got like 10 of them, but in a staggered way. He had gotten 4 and given them to his family (I think, the boxes disappeared). Then all of a sudden he got 6 more. All the boxes are the same. I joked that if he didn't want one, I could take one. He said he'd think about it. The next day at work he told me that he was going to graciously give me one of his boxes. The opened one. I didn't understand why he opened the box, seeing as how he might have to return it anyway, so I asked.
Stan: "I was wondering if they were all the same."
Me: "Probably."
So, I started going through the box since he insisted that I keep it.
Me: "Oh hey, this is nice, I think I use this anyway."
Stan: "What? Wait, I didn't see this before."
Stan then proceeded to dump out the entire contents of the box into the hallway and rummaged through. And he refused to put things back in the way they came, so the box didn't shut anymore and I had to repack it.
Me: "THANKS. Stan."
Stan: "Yeah sorry. Apparently, some things in the package are different."
Me: "...But...you already went through the box before."
Stan: "Yeah."
6. Our table has an ion filtering fan on it to get rid of smells. Which, come to think of it, since Stan turned it off, our kitchen has smelled like garlic. Lemme go fix that. Never mind, it's on low, but now the buttons are stuck.
Anyway, he moved it off so he could sit and eat. I told him that he could take the normal chair as I was going to eat in my room and do some work/chores. Stan told me to "eat wherever I want," as if he was giving me orders and owned the house.
7. When my friends came over to visit, they had prepared a salad. To make said salad, they used a clear plastic bowl that I had never seen before they arrived. Stan was making dinner one day:
Stan: "Have you seen that clear plastic bowl?"
Me: "No."
Stan: "I found out it's a good salad bowl."
Me: "I thought that belonged to my friends. Thought they bought it, since I had never seen it before they came over."
Stan: "Yeah, that's when I discovered it."
I think by "discover," he means saw it being used. So that he could take credit for it.
8. Stan was talking about something he was doing. Something about a long day later this week. I thought he was trying to make conversation, and I wanted to seem nice while I was putting on my jacket to leave.
Me: "Yeah, just to let you know, I'm going into work at 6 in two days."
Stan: "Ouch..........Not as bad as 4."
I shoulda realized he just wanted a competition.
9. Stan on the phone with his friend: "Is ritalin an antidepressant? .......That's a pretty old prescription."
No WONDER why his friends think he's so smart!
10. Me: "Stan, you gotta keep the shower door open."
Stan: "I did."
Me: "I just used the bathroom, and the shower door was shut and you were the last person to use it."
Stan: "Well, I definitely left it open."
Me: "Right. Just like how you're doing the recycling?"
*Motion to egg carton on floor. That's been there for 3 days.*
Stan: "I don't see YOU doing your recycling!"
Me: "...You mean that pizza box that's too dirty to be recycled?"
Stan: "...*places egg carton in bag for plastic recycling*"
Me: "..."
Stan: *places cardboard tube into plastic recycling*
Me: "Yeah, no, try that again."
Stan: *opens cabinet and rearranges plastics*
Me: "No, I meant the cardboard in the plastics."
Stan: "*attitude* That's why I opened the cabinet? To get another plastic bag?"
Me: "Yup, that's also why you put the cardboard tube into the plastics?"
Stan: "......*gets new plastic bag*"
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