1. Stan laughed today like a hyper monkey.
2. Stan started doing the voice dialing thing again...like...slowly and clearly pronouncing each word like a command. Cept, remember, his phone does not have voice dialing.
3. There was snow on the road and I decided to be nice and offer a ride to the grocery store or WalMart so he could get stuff. He drives a sedan and I thought he might have trouble getting out.
Me: "Do you need or want to go to WalMart or the grocery store or anything? Anything at all? Like batteries?" Notice how I'm hinting that he should get batteries for his mouse.
Stan: "Nope. Don't need anything after I took that wired mouse from upstairs. Gotta think outside the box."
Now...I think...it's quite rude to steal from your landlady. Especially since he's gone and made her computer useless. When he can use his trackpad. But, that's just me.
4. I opened my cabinet and found mouse poop on the shelf.
Me: "Yo, we have a mouse problem."
Stan: "How can you tell?"
Me: "Mouse poop. Look."
I removed my box of crackers from the shelf and the open pack had several crackers that were gnawed away.
Stan: "Yup, that would be the culprit."
I moved other stuff around so we could see if anything else was eaten. Also, I wanted to clean the mouse poop away from the shelf and my stuff.
Me: *moving a metal can and glass jar away and looking at the bottom of each*
Stan: "I don't think mice will eat through that *with attitude*."
Me: "...I'm looking for poop, dude."
Stan: "Oh."
Me: "Oh well."
Stan: "Did you find any open packages?"
Me: "....You mean....besides....the crackers...?"
Stan: "....Yeah, the crackers."
Me: "......ok....Well, also, I have no idea what this piece of plastic is for. Looks like it was part of the heater."
Stan: "Yeah. I don't know. Maybe part of the refridgerator or the heater. *looks away at heater* Yeah it was part of the heater."
Me: "..."
Stan: *walks away like he's going to solve the mouse problem, only to talk to his family about something entirely different*
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Sick Delay
Sorry all, I got really sick and couldn't update for a while. Strep throat is nasty business...made better through Motrin, raw garlic pieces, and Robitussin.
Anyway, long post again, so here we go.
1. Stan had gotten into a car accident. To quote him, he was "t-boned." In any case, he had called me and told me that his car was damaged and to watch out for the damaged CR-V and a rental car sitting in the parking lot. He told me two days after the fact. As in, he called me Sunday to tell me he got into a car accident on Friday. Anyway, when I got back, I looked over his car briefly and talked to him about it.
Stan: "Yeah, the side, two wheels, part of the front. It's really pretty bad. The other car just went right into my side."
Me: "How fast were you going?"
Stan: "45."
Me: "How fast was the other car going?"
Stan: "15 mph."
Me: "..."
Stan: "He was accelerating, though!"
By looking at the damage, it didn't really look like a "t-bone," it looked more like the other car scraped like <5 inches in for half the length of the car.
Me: "You know it really doesn't look THAT bad. Doesn't look like there'll be any frame damage, just cosmetic stuff."
Stan: "Yeah, but the frame is probably gone."
Me: "..."
2. Oh sorry, I probably shoulda backed up to when I actually got home. Or before that. See during the call on Sunday he had told me that he had gotten whiplash. When I arrived home, I had both arms full and couldn't open the door. In the rain. With snow all around me, melting and sloshing. Our door has a window that faces into the living room, where Stan was very comfortably laid out on the couch. We established eye contact and he didn't even acknowledge my presence. Then, I struggled to readjust all my stuff to unlock and open the door. Only then did he say hi.
3. I walked to the sink and was horrified. All of our glasses, 3 pots and pans, and several plates and sets of silverware were sitting in the sink, soaking in water. Not soapy water, just water.
Me: "Holy."
Stan: "Yeah, sorry, I couldn't do the dishes because I couldn't really move around without pain. I shouldn't be doing a lot of exertion."
That. Was probably a bold faced lie so he could be extra lazy. After I got home, he literally followed me everywhere in the house for 20 mins, walking and talking. Clearly, he was not hurting as bad as he claimed. Not bad enough to avoid doing dishes at least.
Me: "Just clean one glass for now. I don't think it's fair that I should have to do your dishes."
Stan: "If I can, maybe."
He did his exercises from his doctor. 15 mins after that, he washed one glass. With attitude.
4. I had broken a glass trying to fill my water pitcher in the sink. There was simply no room to move around in there and I ended up hitting one of the glasses with my pitcher as I was rinsing it out. I put the pieces on the table top at eye level so that I could see it and put all the pieces inside a paper bag, once I found one. Like. The pieces were right above the sink, directly under the lights. But I couldn't find a paper bag.
Me: "Stan, do you have any paper bags?"
Stan: *at sink* "No. What do you need it for?"
Me: "...That broken glass. *point right in front of him*"
Stan: "What broken glass?"
Me: "..............That one. *repoint*"
Stan: "Where?"
Me: "Right in front of you."
Stan: "Oh. So *smugly*, you broke a glass too huh?"
Me: "Yeah. There was too much stuff in the sink."
5. Stan always leaves his bananas out on a plate in the kitchen. There was only one there and it was very very overripe.
Stan: "I don't understand, I ate that banana's twin two days ago and it wasn't that ripe."
6. Stan likes to take his metal cans from food and soak them in water. I guess to clean them or something, I dunno. I always just swish out the food remainder, peel the label, and put it in the metal recycling, but whatever. Stan had left two cans soaking for 3 days. He then wondered why the cans rusted.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WET METAL DOES WHEN EXPOSED TO AIR, TARDBUCKET
7. Stan took the dry dishes in the dish rack and wiped them with a wet towel before placing them in the cupboards. Maybe he thought he was helping. By defeating the action we left evaporation to do.
8. I had started getting quite sick and didn't know why yet. Stan had offered me cough drops one night, but I told him I'd try to find my own since I have 2 bags lying around somewhere. The next morning, I couldn't find them.
Me: "Stan, can I have some of the cough drops you were talking about? I couldn't find mine."
Stan: "......Yeah. Let me see if I have any."
We then walked towards his room together, with me following a step behind. When he got inside his room, he shut the door in my face. Like, trailing foot in, door shut. He didn't slam, just shut very quickly. He did almost hit me in the nose.
9. Stan walked into the house and towards his room. He stuck his hand up in the same direction as his walking and pressed the remote lock button on his car remote. His car locked, but why he was facing totally perpendicular to his car, I will never figure out. It's not like he didn't know where the thing was; he's parked there every day and he can actually see his car through the huge kitchen window.
10. Stan wanted to get a different rental car. He didn't like how his car didn't have Anti-lock brakes. How did he know? He tested the brakes. By slamming hard when going 15 mph. While it was snowing. On an icy road. He was right about the car not having ABS, but I don't think it's fair for him to claim that the only reason why his car kept veering to the sides while he was braking was due to lack of ABS.
11. Stan: "I'm glad I have a Honda. The tow truck only had to take it to [dealership] (a 30-40 minute drive). I'm so much more fortunate than you as that's far more reasonable for me."
Me: "................You....are aware that....there's a Jeep dealership downtown. So...like...5 minutes away."
Stan: "....Ok."
12. Me: "Yeah, our landlord was here earlier saying that the main road through town wasn't even plowed."
Stan: "Wow. How'd she get here then? Did she take her Mercedes or her Jeep?"
Me: "I didn't see, but I'm guessing she took her Jeep."
Stan: "Yeah, well, you mean Ted's Jeep."
Me: ".....*thinking, wtf is wrong with this kid, he's pretty much correcting himself* Sure."
Stan: "That's better."
Me: "....Anyway, yeah, I didn't see her car. She left not long afterwards."
13. Stan: "Do you have any AA batteries?"
Me: "Somewhere. I don't know where though, I've been looking for them."
Stan: "I need some to finish my final presentation."
Me: "...Don't you have a laptop? Can't you use the trackpad?"
Stan: "BAH, that'll mean it'll take FOREVER!"
Me: "......Right, well, I don't know where my batteries are."
Stan: "I guess I'll manage then."
Good news! He's moving out this Friday! I don't know why or how he did it but he's coming back to work in January for like 4 days. This makes no sense to me. Why would you be done with your final presentation, basically stop working, and come back for 4 days? Just stay home. You're done. If they're paying him for a longer vacation than most of the people at work take, then I should be able to get a week off no problem. Anyway, he's not moving back in, so I'm happy.
HR Person at work: "I don't really know what he was thinking, coming from home. But, if he really wants to drive 40 mins one way...in the terrible snow...in a hilly area....with narrow, dark roads, that's his choice."
**Edit**
Some stuff I forgot and just got this afternoon
1. So Stan needed a hot pad and a cold pad for his sore areas after his car accident. Remember, I saw him...two days...after the accident happened.
Stan: "OHHHHH, I probably shouldn't keep the hot pad in the freezer."
2. When I woke up this afternoon, Stan IMMEDIATELY opened the door and said hi. It was creepy.
3. Stan in the kitchen to his phone: "Phonebook. Call. [Name]. Ok."
His phone...does not have voice recognition.
4. Remember Stan's mouse dilemma?
Stan: "I fixed my mouse problem! I went upstairs and took our landlady's mouse off her computer. Can you believe that it's a USB mouse with a ball?"
Yes, Stan. What I can't believe is that you stole our landlady's mouse. Oh wait. No. I can believe that. I just didn't think you'd actually do it.
**End Edit**
Anyway, long post again, so here we go.
1. Stan had gotten into a car accident. To quote him, he was "t-boned." In any case, he had called me and told me that his car was damaged and to watch out for the damaged CR-V and a rental car sitting in the parking lot. He told me two days after the fact. As in, he called me Sunday to tell me he got into a car accident on Friday. Anyway, when I got back, I looked over his car briefly and talked to him about it.
Stan: "Yeah, the side, two wheels, part of the front. It's really pretty bad. The other car just went right into my side."
Me: "How fast were you going?"
Stan: "45."
Me: "How fast was the other car going?"
Stan: "15 mph."
Me: "..."
Stan: "He was accelerating, though!"
By looking at the damage, it didn't really look like a "t-bone," it looked more like the other car scraped like <5 inches in for half the length of the car.
Me: "You know it really doesn't look THAT bad. Doesn't look like there'll be any frame damage, just cosmetic stuff."
Stan: "Yeah, but the frame is probably gone."
Me: "..."
2. Oh sorry, I probably shoulda backed up to when I actually got home. Or before that. See during the call on Sunday he had told me that he had gotten whiplash. When I arrived home, I had both arms full and couldn't open the door. In the rain. With snow all around me, melting and sloshing. Our door has a window that faces into the living room, where Stan was very comfortably laid out on the couch. We established eye contact and he didn't even acknowledge my presence. Then, I struggled to readjust all my stuff to unlock and open the door. Only then did he say hi.
3. I walked to the sink and was horrified. All of our glasses, 3 pots and pans, and several plates and sets of silverware were sitting in the sink, soaking in water. Not soapy water, just water.
Me: "Holy."
Stan: "Yeah, sorry, I couldn't do the dishes because I couldn't really move around without pain. I shouldn't be doing a lot of exertion."
That. Was probably a bold faced lie so he could be extra lazy. After I got home, he literally followed me everywhere in the house for 20 mins, walking and talking. Clearly, he was not hurting as bad as he claimed. Not bad enough to avoid doing dishes at least.
Me: "Just clean one glass for now. I don't think it's fair that I should have to do your dishes."
Stan: "If I can, maybe."
He did his exercises from his doctor. 15 mins after that, he washed one glass. With attitude.
4. I had broken a glass trying to fill my water pitcher in the sink. There was simply no room to move around in there and I ended up hitting one of the glasses with my pitcher as I was rinsing it out. I put the pieces on the table top at eye level so that I could see it and put all the pieces inside a paper bag, once I found one. Like. The pieces were right above the sink, directly under the lights. But I couldn't find a paper bag.
Me: "Stan, do you have any paper bags?"
Stan: *at sink* "No. What do you need it for?"
Me: "...That broken glass. *point right in front of him*"
Stan: "What broken glass?"
Me: "..............That one. *repoint*"
Stan: "Where?"
Me: "Right in front of you."
Stan: "Oh. So *smugly*, you broke a glass too huh?"
Me: "Yeah. There was too much stuff in the sink."
5. Stan always leaves his bananas out on a plate in the kitchen. There was only one there and it was very very overripe.
Stan: "I don't understand, I ate that banana's twin two days ago and it wasn't that ripe."
6. Stan likes to take his metal cans from food and soak them in water. I guess to clean them or something, I dunno. I always just swish out the food remainder, peel the label, and put it in the metal recycling, but whatever. Stan had left two cans soaking for 3 days. He then wondered why the cans rusted.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WET METAL DOES WHEN EXPOSED TO AIR, TARDBUCKET
7. Stan took the dry dishes in the dish rack and wiped them with a wet towel before placing them in the cupboards. Maybe he thought he was helping. By defeating the action we left evaporation to do.
8. I had started getting quite sick and didn't know why yet. Stan had offered me cough drops one night, but I told him I'd try to find my own since I have 2 bags lying around somewhere. The next morning, I couldn't find them.
Me: "Stan, can I have some of the cough drops you were talking about? I couldn't find mine."
Stan: "......Yeah. Let me see if I have any."
We then walked towards his room together, with me following a step behind. When he got inside his room, he shut the door in my face. Like, trailing foot in, door shut. He didn't slam, just shut very quickly. He did almost hit me in the nose.
9. Stan walked into the house and towards his room. He stuck his hand up in the same direction as his walking and pressed the remote lock button on his car remote. His car locked, but why he was facing totally perpendicular to his car, I will never figure out. It's not like he didn't know where the thing was; he's parked there every day and he can actually see his car through the huge kitchen window.
10. Stan wanted to get a different rental car. He didn't like how his car didn't have Anti-lock brakes. How did he know? He tested the brakes. By slamming hard when going 15 mph. While it was snowing. On an icy road. He was right about the car not having ABS, but I don't think it's fair for him to claim that the only reason why his car kept veering to the sides while he was braking was due to lack of ABS.
11. Stan: "I'm glad I have a Honda. The tow truck only had to take it to [dealership] (a 30-40 minute drive). I'm so much more fortunate than you as that's far more reasonable for me."
Me: "................You....are aware that....there's a Jeep dealership downtown. So...like...5 minutes away."
Stan: "....Ok."
12. Me: "Yeah, our landlord was here earlier saying that the main road through town wasn't even plowed."
Stan: "Wow. How'd she get here then? Did she take her Mercedes or her Jeep?"
Me: "I didn't see, but I'm guessing she took her Jeep."
Stan: "Yeah, well, you mean Ted's Jeep."
Me: ".....*thinking, wtf is wrong with this kid, he's pretty much correcting himself* Sure."
Stan: "That's better."
Me: "....Anyway, yeah, I didn't see her car. She left not long afterwards."
13. Stan: "Do you have any AA batteries?"
Me: "Somewhere. I don't know where though, I've been looking for them."
Stan: "I need some to finish my final presentation."
Me: "...Don't you have a laptop? Can't you use the trackpad?"
Stan: "BAH, that'll mean it'll take FOREVER!"
Me: "......Right, well, I don't know where my batteries are."
Stan: "I guess I'll manage then."
Good news! He's moving out this Friday! I don't know why or how he did it but he's coming back to work in January for like 4 days. This makes no sense to me. Why would you be done with your final presentation, basically stop working, and come back for 4 days? Just stay home. You're done. If they're paying him for a longer vacation than most of the people at work take, then I should be able to get a week off no problem. Anyway, he's not moving back in, so I'm happy.
HR Person at work: "I don't really know what he was thinking, coming from home. But, if he really wants to drive 40 mins one way...in the terrible snow...in a hilly area....with narrow, dark roads, that's his choice."
**Edit**
Some stuff I forgot and just got this afternoon
1. So Stan needed a hot pad and a cold pad for his sore areas after his car accident. Remember, I saw him...two days...after the accident happened.
Stan: "OHHHHH, I probably shouldn't keep the hot pad in the freezer."
2. When I woke up this afternoon, Stan IMMEDIATELY opened the door and said hi. It was creepy.
3. Stan in the kitchen to his phone: "Phonebook. Call. [Name]. Ok."
His phone...does not have voice recognition.
4. Remember Stan's mouse dilemma?
Stan: "I fixed my mouse problem! I went upstairs and took our landlady's mouse off her computer. Can you believe that it's a USB mouse with a ball?"
Yes, Stan. What I can't believe is that you stole our landlady's mouse. Oh wait. No. I can believe that. I just didn't think you'd actually do it.
**End Edit**
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Couple Days
1. Stan left a butter tub in the sink with water sitting in it for days. I would've confronted him earlier but he didn't come back home. When he did, I spoke to him.
Me: "Stan, why is this plastic tub sitting in the sink?"
Stan: "It's a butter tub. I was soaking it to get rid of the butter."
Ok. First off, 3 seconds with a soapy sponge, which we have, would've gotten rid of it immediately. Second off, I know he failed orgo, but, butter is for all intents and purposes, a fat. A lipid. An organic substance. As in, not water soluble. Hence, why butterbells (which are amazing) work. A butterbell has two pieces, a cup and a bell shape. The bell shape is filled with butter and the cup with water. The bell part goes into the cup and keeps the butter at water temperature to keep it spreadable and reduces the speed of going bad. But, the butter doesn't dissolve in the water. So, Stan left oily water in a plastic tub for two days.
2. Stan shaved one day and didn't rinse the sink. Which made brushing my teeth an endeavor. When I saw him at lunch, I told him that he needs to wash the sink after he shaves. He claimed he did. I pointed out that he didn't. He sounded defensive again, but said he'd try to remember next time.
3. Stan left at 4 in the morning one day. I know because he had the common courtesy to slam his bedroom door, which is right outside of mine. In addition, he was completely unable to leave the shower door open, as I reqested and he acknowledged.
4. Later that day, I told Stan that he needed to leave the shower door open. He said he did. I said he didn't. He then asked which door I was talking about. I said again, shower door. Glass door. Stan thought I was talking about the wood bathroom door. Silly Stan.
5. Someone goofed at work. New hires are given a gift pack a few weeks after they start, but for some reason, only a few people got them this year. And those few, of whom Stan was one, got like 10 of them, but in a staggered way. He had gotten 4 and given them to his family (I think, the boxes disappeared). Then all of a sudden he got 6 more. All the boxes are the same. I joked that if he didn't want one, I could take one. He said he'd think about it. The next day at work he told me that he was going to graciously give me one of his boxes. The opened one. I didn't understand why he opened the box, seeing as how he might have to return it anyway, so I asked.
Stan: "I was wondering if they were all the same."
Me: "Probably."
So, I started going through the box since he insisted that I keep it.
Me: "Oh hey, this is nice, I think I use this anyway."
Stan: "What? Wait, I didn't see this before."
Stan then proceeded to dump out the entire contents of the box into the hallway and rummaged through. And he refused to put things back in the way they came, so the box didn't shut anymore and I had to repack it.
Me: "THANKS. Stan."
Stan: "Yeah sorry. Apparently, some things in the package are different."
Me: "...But...you already went through the box before."
Stan: "Yeah."
6. Our table has an ion filtering fan on it to get rid of smells. Which, come to think of it, since Stan turned it off, our kitchen has smelled like garlic. Lemme go fix that. Never mind, it's on low, but now the buttons are stuck.
Anyway, he moved it off so he could sit and eat. I told him that he could take the normal chair as I was going to eat in my room and do some work/chores. Stan told me to "eat wherever I want," as if he was giving me orders and owned the house.
7. When my friends came over to visit, they had prepared a salad. To make said salad, they used a clear plastic bowl that I had never seen before they arrived. Stan was making dinner one day:
Stan: "Have you seen that clear plastic bowl?"
Me: "No."
Stan: "I found out it's a good salad bowl."
Me: "I thought that belonged to my friends. Thought they bought it, since I had never seen it before they came over."
Stan: "Yeah, that's when I discovered it."
I think by "discover," he means saw it being used. So that he could take credit for it.
8. Stan was talking about something he was doing. Something about a long day later this week. I thought he was trying to make conversation, and I wanted to seem nice while I was putting on my jacket to leave.
Me: "Yeah, just to let you know, I'm going into work at 6 in two days."
Stan: "Ouch..........Not as bad as 4."
I shoulda realized he just wanted a competition.
9. Stan on the phone with his friend: "Is ritalin an antidepressant? .......That's a pretty old prescription."
No WONDER why his friends think he's so smart!
10. Me: "Stan, you gotta keep the shower door open."
Stan: "I did."
Me: "I just used the bathroom, and the shower door was shut and you were the last person to use it."
Stan: "Well, I definitely left it open."
Me: "Right. Just like how you're doing the recycling?"
*Motion to egg carton on floor. That's been there for 3 days.*
Stan: "I don't see YOU doing your recycling!"
Me: "...You mean that pizza box that's too dirty to be recycled?"
Stan: "...*places egg carton in bag for plastic recycling*"
Me: "..."
Stan: *places cardboard tube into plastic recycling*
Me: "Yeah, no, try that again."
Stan: *opens cabinet and rearranges plastics*
Me: "No, I meant the cardboard in the plastics."
Stan: "*attitude* That's why I opened the cabinet? To get another plastic bag?"
Me: "Yup, that's also why you put the cardboard tube into the plastics?"
Stan: "......*gets new plastic bag*"
Me: "Stan, why is this plastic tub sitting in the sink?"
Stan: "It's a butter tub. I was soaking it to get rid of the butter."
Ok. First off, 3 seconds with a soapy sponge, which we have, would've gotten rid of it immediately. Second off, I know he failed orgo, but, butter is for all intents and purposes, a fat. A lipid. An organic substance. As in, not water soluble. Hence, why butterbells (which are amazing) work. A butterbell has two pieces, a cup and a bell shape. The bell shape is filled with butter and the cup with water. The bell part goes into the cup and keeps the butter at water temperature to keep it spreadable and reduces the speed of going bad. But, the butter doesn't dissolve in the water. So, Stan left oily water in a plastic tub for two days.
2. Stan shaved one day and didn't rinse the sink. Which made brushing my teeth an endeavor. When I saw him at lunch, I told him that he needs to wash the sink after he shaves. He claimed he did. I pointed out that he didn't. He sounded defensive again, but said he'd try to remember next time.
3. Stan left at 4 in the morning one day. I know because he had the common courtesy to slam his bedroom door, which is right outside of mine. In addition, he was completely unable to leave the shower door open, as I reqested and he acknowledged.
4. Later that day, I told Stan that he needed to leave the shower door open. He said he did. I said he didn't. He then asked which door I was talking about. I said again, shower door. Glass door. Stan thought I was talking about the wood bathroom door. Silly Stan.
5. Someone goofed at work. New hires are given a gift pack a few weeks after they start, but for some reason, only a few people got them this year. And those few, of whom Stan was one, got like 10 of them, but in a staggered way. He had gotten 4 and given them to his family (I think, the boxes disappeared). Then all of a sudden he got 6 more. All the boxes are the same. I joked that if he didn't want one, I could take one. He said he'd think about it. The next day at work he told me that he was going to graciously give me one of his boxes. The opened one. I didn't understand why he opened the box, seeing as how he might have to return it anyway, so I asked.
Stan: "I was wondering if they were all the same."
Me: "Probably."
So, I started going through the box since he insisted that I keep it.
Me: "Oh hey, this is nice, I think I use this anyway."
Stan: "What? Wait, I didn't see this before."
Stan then proceeded to dump out the entire contents of the box into the hallway and rummaged through. And he refused to put things back in the way they came, so the box didn't shut anymore and I had to repack it.
Me: "THANKS. Stan."
Stan: "Yeah sorry. Apparently, some things in the package are different."
Me: "...But...you already went through the box before."
Stan: "Yeah."
6. Our table has an ion filtering fan on it to get rid of smells. Which, come to think of it, since Stan turned it off, our kitchen has smelled like garlic. Lemme go fix that. Never mind, it's on low, but now the buttons are stuck.
Anyway, he moved it off so he could sit and eat. I told him that he could take the normal chair as I was going to eat in my room and do some work/chores. Stan told me to "eat wherever I want," as if he was giving me orders and owned the house.
7. When my friends came over to visit, they had prepared a salad. To make said salad, they used a clear plastic bowl that I had never seen before they arrived. Stan was making dinner one day:
Stan: "Have you seen that clear plastic bowl?"
Me: "No."
Stan: "I found out it's a good salad bowl."
Me: "I thought that belonged to my friends. Thought they bought it, since I had never seen it before they came over."
Stan: "Yeah, that's when I discovered it."
I think by "discover," he means saw it being used. So that he could take credit for it.
8. Stan was talking about something he was doing. Something about a long day later this week. I thought he was trying to make conversation, and I wanted to seem nice while I was putting on my jacket to leave.
Me: "Yeah, just to let you know, I'm going into work at 6 in two days."
Stan: "Ouch..........Not as bad as 4."
I shoulda realized he just wanted a competition.
9. Stan on the phone with his friend: "Is ritalin an antidepressant? .......That's a pretty old prescription."
No WONDER why his friends think he's so smart!
10. Me: "Stan, you gotta keep the shower door open."
Stan: "I did."
Me: "I just used the bathroom, and the shower door was shut and you were the last person to use it."
Stan: "Well, I definitely left it open."
Me: "Right. Just like how you're doing the recycling?"
*Motion to egg carton on floor. That's been there for 3 days.*
Stan: "I don't see YOU doing your recycling!"
Me: "...You mean that pizza box that's too dirty to be recycled?"
Stan: "...*places egg carton in bag for plastic recycling*"
Me: "..."
Stan: *places cardboard tube into plastic recycling*
Me: "Yeah, no, try that again."
Stan: *opens cabinet and rearranges plastics*
Me: "No, I meant the cardboard in the plastics."
Stan: "*attitude* That's why I opened the cabinet? To get another plastic bag?"
Me: "Yup, that's also why you put the cardboard tube into the plastics?"
Stan: "......*gets new plastic bag*"
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Shower Door
So, our shower is in a very small and poorly ventilated bathroom. It is also sort of like a glass booth. As such, every time I shower, I make sure to leave the shower door open so that all the moisture can dry faster, therby discouraging mildew, mold, and what have you from forming. Stan has never left the door open. Ever.
Stan: "I'm going to shower now."
Me: "Ok, as long as you mean it this time."
Stan: "What?"
Me: "Last time you showered at night, you said you were going to shower between 9 and 930, and you showered at 1030, when I wanted and normally shower."
Stan: "Sorry."
Me: "Make sure to leave the shower door open from now on, though."
Stan: "What?"
Me: "....You know why, right?"
Stan: *With attitude* "So that nothing grows..."
Me: "Right."
Stan: "Well, I always leave the door open."
Me: "....No. No, you don't. You always leave the door closed."
Stan: *long pause* "That must be the door slamming whenever I leave for work in the morning!"
Me: "..."
Stan: "There's always the sound of a door slamming whenever I shut the outside door. That must be it. I always leave the shower door open."
Me: "....Well, whatever, but it's always closed whenever I come home....and you're the only other person living here."
Stan: "No, I always leave the door open. *leaves*"
Well...no...even when he showers at night, he leaves the door closed. I know because I shower later and the room is moist...and the door is shut.
Also, it's been 15 mins, and he still hasn't gone to shower.
*Edit*
So, Stan walked by 20 mins after he said he was going to shower and he was "on the phone." Dunno if he just did that "look I'm important" thing again, but in any case, I needed to use the bathroom and I didn't want to wait in case he stayed on the phone for a long time. So I grabbed my shower stuff and went. As I'm using the bathroom:
Stan: "Um. In case you didn't notice my stuff is in the shower."
Me: "....Ok..."
Stan: "Yeah."
Me: "It's been over 20 mins."
Stan: "Well, 20 mins ago, I said I was going to be in the shower within 15 minutes."
*Silence except for me USING THE BATHROOM*
Stan: "....So, that's still within margin of error."
Me: *Thinking* "Stan, this is not Orgo where the professor took pity on you and bumped your grade up: 33% is not a good number and is definitely not a B-."
Me: "Ok."
Silence as I'm now washing my hands and not coming out.
Stan: "What're you going to do with my stuff?"
Me: "...Put it on the sink."
Stan: "Ok, thanks."
*Sound of angry footsteps*
Me: *loudly* "Try to be more reliable, Stan!"
If I actually could trust him, I wouldn't have cared that he was 5 mins late. But, he's proven time and time again that I just can't trust him.
*End Edit*
Stan: "I'm going to shower now."
Me: "Ok, as long as you mean it this time."
Stan: "What?"
Me: "Last time you showered at night, you said you were going to shower between 9 and 930, and you showered at 1030, when I wanted and normally shower."
Stan: "Sorry."
Me: "Make sure to leave the shower door open from now on, though."
Stan: "What?"
Me: "....You know why, right?"
Stan: *With attitude* "So that nothing grows..."
Me: "Right."
Stan: "Well, I always leave the door open."
Me: "....No. No, you don't. You always leave the door closed."
Stan: *long pause* "That must be the door slamming whenever I leave for work in the morning!"
Me: "..."
Stan: "There's always the sound of a door slamming whenever I shut the outside door. That must be it. I always leave the shower door open."
Me: "....Well, whatever, but it's always closed whenever I come home....and you're the only other person living here."
Stan: "No, I always leave the door open. *leaves*"
Well...no...even when he showers at night, he leaves the door closed. I know because I shower later and the room is moist...and the door is shut.
Also, it's been 15 mins, and he still hasn't gone to shower.
*Edit*
So, Stan walked by 20 mins after he said he was going to shower and he was "on the phone." Dunno if he just did that "look I'm important" thing again, but in any case, I needed to use the bathroom and I didn't want to wait in case he stayed on the phone for a long time. So I grabbed my shower stuff and went. As I'm using the bathroom:
Stan: "Um. In case you didn't notice my stuff is in the shower."
Me: "....Ok..."
Stan: "Yeah."
Me: "It's been over 20 mins."
Stan: "Well, 20 mins ago, I said I was going to be in the shower within 15 minutes."
*Silence except for me USING THE BATHROOM*
Stan: "....So, that's still within margin of error."
Me: *Thinking* "Stan, this is not Orgo where the professor took pity on you and bumped your grade up: 33% is not a good number and is definitely not a B-."
Me: "Ok."
Silence as I'm now washing my hands and not coming out.
Stan: "What're you going to do with my stuff?"
Me: "...Put it on the sink."
Stan: "Ok, thanks."
*Sound of angry footsteps*
Me: *loudly* "Try to be more reliable, Stan!"
If I actually could trust him, I wouldn't have cared that he was 5 mins late. But, he's proven time and time again that I just can't trust him.
*End Edit*
Monday, November 26, 2007
Quiet Times
Hey all,
I believe that this blog will start slowing down soon with new content. Stan is spending less time around me (or is it vice versa), so I'm getting less things to write about. I believe I'll try posting on old stuff that made us all come to know the Stan we love so much.
Honestly, all that happened today was that he scared the crap out of me when he got home. I was in the bathroom and I heard him walk in and to his room. After I finished up and washed my hands, I walked back to my room. I swear, the millisecond he saw part of my hand he just screamed "I'M BACK."
Also, I don't know about what he did for the rest of the day, but it seems as if no one wants to talk to him lately. I haven't heard him on the phone at all. He also stopped sleeping upstairs where he and Naseem slept. Something tells me he told her that he started sleeping there for reasons other than what he told me (better reception, pretty much a lie since he told me he gets decent reception everywhere in the house until you go outside) and she told him he was creeping her the fuck out.
If you guys get bored, you can go check out my real blog, if you want. Less bashing, more openness, and sometimes I post items that you all know me for.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
I believe that this blog will start slowing down soon with new content. Stan is spending less time around me (or is it vice versa), so I'm getting less things to write about. I believe I'll try posting on old stuff that made us all come to know the Stan we love so much.
Honestly, all that happened today was that he scared the crap out of me when he got home. I was in the bathroom and I heard him walk in and to his room. After I finished up and washed my hands, I walked back to my room. I swear, the millisecond he saw part of my hand he just screamed "I'M BACK."
Also, I don't know about what he did for the rest of the day, but it seems as if no one wants to talk to him lately. I haven't heard him on the phone at all. He also stopped sleeping upstairs where he and Naseem slept. Something tells me he told her that he started sleeping there for reasons other than what he told me (better reception, pretty much a lie since he told me he gets decent reception everywhere in the house until you go outside) and she told him he was creeping her the fuck out.
If you guys get bored, you can go check out my real blog, if you want. Less bashing, more openness, and sometimes I post items that you all know me for.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Stan and the Sink Again
1. Remember how Stan said he couldn't tell when the green dish detergent was running low? Here's a picture of the green (I use) and the blue (he uses). Apparently, I'm quite frugal with the detergent as I told him we were running low a few weeks ago.
Notice how visible my detergent is. Yet the blue one you can't see, as I claimed before.
2. Stan failed again at washing something and leaving it in the sink. Observe.
Although this time he has pretty much no excuse; he didn't even go to work today. Our quality checker took him out on a shelf audit, where we inspect quality of our products as they sit on the shelves.
I'm a little disturbed for his department, since I'm under the impression that he's done pretty much no work for the last 3 weeks. Even less work than usual. I think it's because he has no one to copy/steal ideas or work from since his last 2 projects are actually projects and not busy work.
3. Stan: "Ok, I'm leaving, have a good break."
Me: "Yeah, you too."
Stan: "I-What?"
Me: "......I said 'you too.'"
Stan: "Oh. Ok. Well, I'll see ya sometime *something I didn't hear because I said 'Ok, bye'*. You never know when I'll show up."
Notice how visible my detergent is. Yet the blue one you can't see, as I claimed before.
2. Stan failed again at washing something and leaving it in the sink. Observe.
Although this time he has pretty much no excuse; he didn't even go to work today. Our quality checker took him out on a shelf audit, where we inspect quality of our products as they sit on the shelves.
I'm a little disturbed for his department, since I'm under the impression that he's done pretty much no work for the last 3 weeks. Even less work than usual. I think it's because he has no one to copy/steal ideas or work from since his last 2 projects are actually projects and not busy work.
3. Stan: "Ok, I'm leaving, have a good break."
Me: "Yeah, you too."
Stan: "I-What?"
Me: "......I said 'you too.'"
Stan: "Oh. Ok. Well, I'll see ya sometime *something I didn't hear because I said 'Ok, bye'*. You never know when I'll show up."
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Privacy
1. I was going to the bathroom to take a shower when I decided to go check on my laundry in the dryer first. You know, to see if it was dry or how much time was left in the cycle. Imagine my surprise when I hear the dryer stop rotating and the door wide open. With Stan elbows deep into the dryer.
Me: "WHOA, WHAT are you doing?!?!"
Now it's not like he was even doing laundry. The washer was totally empty and he had no clothes with him. He was litterally just going through my clothes in the dryer.
Stan: "I saw a bottle of bleach sitting on the washer and I was worried that you used it."
Me: "........."
Stan: "Sorry."
Me: "Stan, for the last time, I'm not retarded, and that's not my bleach."
Stan: "Ok, I just wanted to check."
Me: "Can you not touch my stuff? Ever? It isn't yours."
Stan: *very defensive* "I was checking to see if you used bleach!"
Me: "They're not your clothes! I don't appreciate you just rifling through my clothes!"
Stan: *defensive* "Fine, I better just get some sleep."
2. Stan: "Can you deal with these apples?"
Me: "Can you take the trash out?"
Stan: "I'll do it tomorrow as it's dark and rainy out."
No. No, it wasn't. Dark, yes. But it had finished raining hours ago. The ground was just wet. How do I know this? Because I went and got stuff out of my car right when he got home.
3. Stan: "My heater or something is acting up, so I'm going to go try to get it looked at or fixed."
Me: "Great."
Stan: "Yeah, but I guess I have to go to a Honda dealership to keep it under warranty right?"
No, Stan, of course other car companies will work on your Honda for no charge since they'll file it under a competitor's warranty. Even though they don't have the parts. And the car is engineered differently. And the service people aren't trained for it.
4. I had to leave town to handle a few issues. The next morning Stan messaged me at work:
Stan: "Did you come home at all last night?"
No, I didn't. You would know if I did as you would've seen lights (as always) going into the driveway. And you also would've heard the car horn go off when I locked the car. But moving on.
Stan: "Yeah, I'll do the dishes that are in the sink tonight."
.....So...he can't do the dishes when I'm gone. Even when he has a guest. When I went home, it was the same story; dishes were barely rinsed and the glasses had milk in them still.
5. Last night, I lost control of my car and wound up stuck in a ditch for an hour. This morning, Stan knocked on my door.
Stan: "Are you aware that it's 7 am?"
Me: "Yeah. Not going into work today, need to get my car looked at since I lost control last night and ended up in a ditch for an hour."
Stan: "Yeah, the snow was bad last night. That's why I called you to say that I was surprised by the sudden snow storm. I slept upstairs last night where me and Naseem usually sleep since I'm waiting for the line to call me so I can observe a dust blowdown and there's better reception in that room so that when they call me at like 2am, I know when I can go in and see everything. Anyway, bye."
I like how much compassion he showed to me. Not even an "are you ok," just "here's what i'm doing and why."
Me: "WHOA, WHAT are you doing?!?!"
Now it's not like he was even doing laundry. The washer was totally empty and he had no clothes with him. He was litterally just going through my clothes in the dryer.
Stan: "I saw a bottle of bleach sitting on the washer and I was worried that you used it."
Me: "........."
Stan: "Sorry."
Me: "Stan, for the last time, I'm not retarded, and that's not my bleach."
Stan: "Ok, I just wanted to check."
Me: "Can you not touch my stuff? Ever? It isn't yours."
Stan: *very defensive* "I was checking to see if you used bleach!"
Me: "They're not your clothes! I don't appreciate you just rifling through my clothes!"
Stan: *defensive* "Fine, I better just get some sleep."
2. Stan: "Can you deal with these apples?"
Me: "Can you take the trash out?"
Stan: "I'll do it tomorrow as it's dark and rainy out."
No. No, it wasn't. Dark, yes. But it had finished raining hours ago. The ground was just wet. How do I know this? Because I went and got stuff out of my car right when he got home.
3. Stan: "My heater or something is acting up, so I'm going to go try to get it looked at or fixed."
Me: "Great."
Stan: "Yeah, but I guess I have to go to a Honda dealership to keep it under warranty right?"
No, Stan, of course other car companies will work on your Honda for no charge since they'll file it under a competitor's warranty. Even though they don't have the parts. And the car is engineered differently. And the service people aren't trained for it.
4. I had to leave town to handle a few issues. The next morning Stan messaged me at work:
Stan: "Did you come home at all last night?"
No, I didn't. You would know if I did as you would've seen lights (as always) going into the driveway. And you also would've heard the car horn go off when I locked the car. But moving on.
Stan: "Yeah, I'll do the dishes that are in the sink tonight."
.....So...he can't do the dishes when I'm gone. Even when he has a guest. When I went home, it was the same story; dishes were barely rinsed and the glasses had milk in them still.
5. Last night, I lost control of my car and wound up stuck in a ditch for an hour. This morning, Stan knocked on my door.
Stan: "Are you aware that it's 7 am?"
Me: "Yeah. Not going into work today, need to get my car looked at since I lost control last night and ended up in a ditch for an hour."
Stan: "Yeah, the snow was bad last night. That's why I called you to say that I was surprised by the sudden snow storm. I slept upstairs last night where me and Naseem usually sleep since I'm waiting for the line to call me so I can observe a dust blowdown and there's better reception in that room so that when they call me at like 2am, I know when I can go in and see everything. Anyway, bye."
I like how much compassion he showed to me. Not even an "are you ok," just "here's what i'm doing and why."
Monday, November 12, 2007
Stan and Girls Redux
1. So there I was, sitting down eating my dinner. Big big bowl of pasta with lots of tomato sauce. Mushroom and garlic, the jar said. I was lazy and didn't really "make" anything tonight. Stan had seen me pour the sauce and pasta into a white bowl and mix it all up. Three minutes after I started eating:
Stan: "Mmm. Pasta."
Me: "....Yup."
....Stan, I really don't need you telling me what I'm eating if I know full well what it is.
2. I like to play music from my room when I'm eating. And I don't mind when people hum along to the song. However, I do mind if someone butchers the song.
I don't believe Stan had ever heard "Sweet Child o'Mine" before, because when he was trying to hum the melody/solo, he was...I don't even know. For all I know, he mighta been sending musical signals to the Moon. Cept the aliens there would STILL be confused and probably be like "yo, that fucker needs to shut the fuck up, we're trying to rock out to some Guns N Roses here."
3. Stan: "Yeah, my next few days are extremely busy. CPR classes tomorrow and Wednesday, Naseem coming over on Thursday. Just busy."
Me: "Whoa, wait, she's coming back on Thursday?"
Stan: "Yyyyyeah."
Me: "....Do you wanna give me more advance notice?"
Stan: "I'm telling you the second I'm sure."
Me: "...."
Stan: "We decided on my drive home today."
Me: *thinking, Stan, you've been home for 30 mins now* "...Ok, well, the way you said it made it sound like I was already supposed to know...."
Stan: "...Oh. Sorry. I just grouped it into my CPR classes, which I told you last week about."
Yes, I gave her real name. Yes, I'm aware that it makes this blog very much not anonymous anymore, but I don't care. I just feel like a dick like Stan doesn't deserve any sort of attention from girls if he's just going to group his girlfriend in with CPR classes. One SHOULD be more important than the others.
Also, he's the least considerate roommate ever. He's bringing a girl over...and tells me like...not even 3 days in advance. And we won't even really see each other the next 2 days. If he hadn't had let it slip tonight, I would never have known until Thursday night.
Lastly, I feel like I don't know everyone who's commenting on this blog. Send an email to coworkerofstan@gmail.com if you wanna clue me in.
Stan: "Mmm. Pasta."
Me: "....Yup."
....Stan, I really don't need you telling me what I'm eating if I know full well what it is.
2. I like to play music from my room when I'm eating. And I don't mind when people hum along to the song. However, I do mind if someone butchers the song.
I don't believe Stan had ever heard "Sweet Child o'Mine" before, because when he was trying to hum the melody/solo, he was...I don't even know. For all I know, he mighta been sending musical signals to the Moon. Cept the aliens there would STILL be confused and probably be like "yo, that fucker needs to shut the fuck up, we're trying to rock out to some Guns N Roses here."
3. Stan: "Yeah, my next few days are extremely busy. CPR classes tomorrow and Wednesday, Naseem coming over on Thursday. Just busy."
Me: "Whoa, wait, she's coming back on Thursday?"
Stan: "Yyyyyeah."
Me: "....Do you wanna give me more advance notice?"
Stan: "I'm telling you the second I'm sure."
Me: "...."
Stan: "We decided on my drive home today."
Me: *thinking, Stan, you've been home for 30 mins now* "...Ok, well, the way you said it made it sound like I was already supposed to know...."
Stan: "...Oh. Sorry. I just grouped it into my CPR classes, which I told you last week about."
Yes, I gave her real name. Yes, I'm aware that it makes this blog very much not anonymous anymore, but I don't care. I just feel like a dick like Stan doesn't deserve any sort of attention from girls if he's just going to group his girlfriend in with CPR classes. One SHOULD be more important than the others.
Also, he's the least considerate roommate ever. He's bringing a girl over...and tells me like...not even 3 days in advance. And we won't even really see each other the next 2 days. If he hadn't had let it slip tonight, I would never have known until Thursday night.
Lastly, I feel like I don't know everyone who's commenting on this blog. Send an email to coworkerofstan@gmail.com if you wanna clue me in.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Stan and Girls
1. Stan walked into the house, past me, to his room, and was silent for 25 seconds. As in, he saw me, kept going for 30 feet, and stood still. He then yelled down the hall "You got mail today! I left it on your luggage in the hallway!"
I don't understand why he didn't just hand it to me or leave it right in front of me, but whatever.
2. Stan: "I told our landlady that my friend is coming over tomorrow and staying the night. 'Friend.'"
Me: "....That's nice."
Stan: "Yup."
Me: "Did you ever plan on telling your roommate?" (I told him a week in advance that I was having guests over)
Stan: *Dead silence for a full minute* "Roommate?"
Me: "...."
Stan: "Oh, you. Yes, well I didn't know until about 20 mins ago."
Me: "....You've been home for like 15."
3. Me: "So are you two dating?"
Stan: "I dunno. We hung out three times, and I think we have something."
4. It has been extremely awkward these past two days as every time he opens his mouth, he mentions something about "needing privacy." It was interesting seeing our landlady's face as he told her what was going on as she looked quite uncomfortable.
5. Stan: "Your interview is tomorrow!"
Me: "...Yeah."
Stan: "Ok, I'm sure MY Outlook will tell me. I love that feature."
We've basically had the same Outlook the entire time. Why he assumes that I don't know about the calendar alert feature, I have no idea. Especially since I've told him like five times that I use Outlook on my computer.
6. Stan: "First thing I did was change the colors of MY Outlook. Dark blue. So much better now."
Me: "....*sigh, continues prep work for dinner/cookies*"
7. Stan: "My boss says I'm the best intern in my department!"
Me: "...."
Stan: "But then I told him I was the only one."
8. Stan: "Thanksgiving is in two weeks!"
Me: "...."
Stan: "I didn't realize it was so soon, but I just remembered that Nov 1st was a Thursday, so Thanksgiving is coming as quickly as possible."
Me: *thinking* "...It...is always...the 4th Thursday of November...I don't see how this is a big deal."
9. Stan: "If my friend and I are too loud at night, just knock on the door and let us know."
Me: *shiver*
10. Stan paced nervously for about 15 minutes while talking about the most random and dumbest crap. He then brushed his teeth and spent 20 mins shaving.
11. I got a big package from UPS today.
Stan: "What's in the package?"
Me: "Lens."
Stan: ".........................OH for your camera!"
Me: "..........."
Stan: "I thought you meant a lens for a telescope. The box is so big!"
We...do not...have a telescope. Or anything remotely close to a telescope.
12. Stan: "Hey, can you keep the toilet seat down?"
Me: *thinking* "I haven't used this bathroom yet today besides in the morning. In fact, he used it about 3 minutes ago." "I always leave the seat down."
Stan: "Oh. So I guess it's been me leaving the seat up this whole time."
13. His guest arrived, and he opened the door. He promptly left her outside and walked back into the house. I ended up seeing his guest in.
14. This turned out to be a real date. It was supremely awkward when they shut the door to the basement as they like...tackled the door. I thought there was a rape going on, truthfully. She seems...like she wants attention. She's quite plain and kinda chubby, so I don't think she's ever gotten attention like this before. I don't know if this is the same girl he's been trying to see.
15. As they were leaving for dinner, I was playing with my new lens.
Stan: "What's the optical zoom on that?"
Me: "....This is an SLR. Those numbers don't mean anything."
Stan: "...."
Me: "....It is a 70-200mm lens."
Stan: "So, like not even 3x optical zoom?"
Me: ".....Ok, I just told you that those numbers don't mean anything. It's more than a standard 50 mm lens."
Stan: "Even my camera has 12x optical zoom."
Me: "....*deep sigh*"
Stan: "You take better pictures than me though."
Me: "...*thinking* I certainly hope so."
16. Stan did some recycling today. Remember how I've made a big deal about separating everything?
Apparently, Stan lives in a world where plastic bottles and aluminum cans make babies with each other.
17. To give you a scope as to what it's like to go on a date with Stan.
You go to dinner.
You come back from dinner.
He ditches you in the house for 3 hours, even though you drove 30 mins to get here and will have to drive 30+ mins back for school tomorrow morning.
He sleeps with you. This part, I don't know. All I know is that they're in the same bed, and what sounds like stampeding is happening.
I don't understand why he didn't just hand it to me or leave it right in front of me, but whatever.
2. Stan: "I told our landlady that my friend is coming over tomorrow and staying the night. 'Friend.'"
Me: "....That's nice."
Stan: "Yup."
Me: "Did you ever plan on telling your roommate?" (I told him a week in advance that I was having guests over)
Stan: *Dead silence for a full minute* "Roommate?"
Me: "...."
Stan: "Oh, you. Yes, well I didn't know until about 20 mins ago."
Me: "....You've been home for like 15."
3. Me: "So are you two dating?"
Stan: "I dunno. We hung out three times, and I think we have something."
4. It has been extremely awkward these past two days as every time he opens his mouth, he mentions something about "needing privacy." It was interesting seeing our landlady's face as he told her what was going on as she looked quite uncomfortable.
5. Stan: "Your interview is tomorrow!"
Me: "...Yeah."
Stan: "Ok, I'm sure MY Outlook will tell me. I love that feature."
We've basically had the same Outlook the entire time. Why he assumes that I don't know about the calendar alert feature, I have no idea. Especially since I've told him like five times that I use Outlook on my computer.
6. Stan: "First thing I did was change the colors of MY Outlook. Dark blue. So much better now."
Me: "....*sigh, continues prep work for dinner/cookies*"
7. Stan: "My boss says I'm the best intern in my department!"
Me: "...."
Stan: "But then I told him I was the only one."
8. Stan: "Thanksgiving is in two weeks!"
Me: "...."
Stan: "I didn't realize it was so soon, but I just remembered that Nov 1st was a Thursday, so Thanksgiving is coming as quickly as possible."
Me: *thinking* "...It...is always...the 4th Thursday of November...I don't see how this is a big deal."
9. Stan: "If my friend and I are too loud at night, just knock on the door and let us know."
Me: *shiver*
10. Stan paced nervously for about 15 minutes while talking about the most random and dumbest crap. He then brushed his teeth and spent 20 mins shaving.
11. I got a big package from UPS today.
Stan: "What's in the package?"
Me: "Lens."
Stan: ".........................OH for your camera!"
Me: "..........."
Stan: "I thought you meant a lens for a telescope. The box is so big!"
We...do not...have a telescope. Or anything remotely close to a telescope.
12. Stan: "Hey, can you keep the toilet seat down?"
Me: *thinking* "I haven't used this bathroom yet today besides in the morning. In fact, he used it about 3 minutes ago." "I always leave the seat down."
Stan: "Oh. So I guess it's been me leaving the seat up this whole time."
13. His guest arrived, and he opened the door. He promptly left her outside and walked back into the house. I ended up seeing his guest in.
14. This turned out to be a real date. It was supremely awkward when they shut the door to the basement as they like...tackled the door. I thought there was a rape going on, truthfully. She seems...like she wants attention. She's quite plain and kinda chubby, so I don't think she's ever gotten attention like this before. I don't know if this is the same girl he's been trying to see.
15. As they were leaving for dinner, I was playing with my new lens.
Stan: "What's the optical zoom on that?"
Me: "....This is an SLR. Those numbers don't mean anything."
Stan: "...."
Me: "....It is a 70-200mm lens."
Stan: "So, like not even 3x optical zoom?"
Me: ".....Ok, I just told you that those numbers don't mean anything. It's more than a standard 50 mm lens."
Stan: "Even my camera has 12x optical zoom."
Me: "....*deep sigh*"
Stan: "You take better pictures than me though."
Me: "...*thinking* I certainly hope so."
16. Stan did some recycling today. Remember how I've made a big deal about separating everything?
Apparently, Stan lives in a world where plastic bottles and aluminum cans make babies with each other.
17. To give you a scope as to what it's like to go on a date with Stan.
You go to dinner.
You come back from dinner.
He ditches you in the house for 3 hours, even though you drove 30 mins to get here and will have to drive 30+ mins back for school tomorrow morning.
He sleeps with you. This part, I don't know. All I know is that they're in the same bed, and what sounds like stampeding is happening.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Periodicity
I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I've had a total of 3 roommates in my life. One was a kleptomaniac. The second turned out to be a pothead. Who didn't share. And ate my food. And the third is Stan. I can honestly say I'd rather have either the klepto or the pothead as a roommate right now.
1. Stan and his family owned an HP or Gateway desktop tower. Something went funny with the power supply, and they didn't know what to do. Apparently, Stan called customer support and asked what could be done.
Stan: "Our computer was having problems with the power supply and because it has special clip things, we can't replace it with a different one from the store. So I called Customer Support and asked what they could do and they told me that the computer was still under warranty and that they could ship us a new power supply. So I ordered one and bingo, the computer was fixed and because I was smart we didn't have to worry about voiding our warranty."
Yes. Hence, why they have proprietary hardware in stock, in case such a situation arises.
2. I had bought a 9 pack of toilet paper about 4 weeks ago. Today,
Stan: "We're running low on toilet paper. Should I go buy some?"
Me: "Really? How much is left?"
Stan: "4 rolls."
Me: "......*thinking* It took us 4 weeks...with two guests for a few days...to go through 5 rolls...I'm pretty sure that we're not low on toilet paper."
*out loud*
"Yeah, sure go buy some."
Stan: "What kind?"
Me: "....The kind we make that feels like what we have..."
Stan: "We make like 10 different products."
Me: "....Ok...buy *name of product*."
Here's the thing. Yes, we make a variety of products. However, we clearly do not use all of them. There are three categories of product we make on site: toilet paper, paper towel, and diapers. Ignoring diapers (we make at least 10 SKU's of diapers, so Stan's already wrong), there's toilet paper and paper towel left. Well, of the paper towel, we have 5 general types that are on site...except 3 of them are experimental and aren't for sale. So, 2 products. Now, there are different combinations and factors of those 2 products that can lead to 20 permutations. Except we're talking about paper towels. And he wanted to buy toilet paper. Of that, we have 3 types. Each type has 3-4 levels. How are the levels different? Size. How are the types different? DRASTICALLY.
3. I sent him an invite to attend my mid term presentation. I actually sent it twice; I had a list of 30 people who got the invite, but I realized that I forgot a few and resent the invite out, hoping that Outlook would be smart enough to not send it to people who already got the invite. I was wrong. Anyway, Stan got two copies of the invite, which clearly listed date, time, and location. He even confirmed with me all three of those things. I was going to have my presentation on Friday. Imagine my surprise when Stan came up to me today and said this:
Stan: "I thought your presentation was on Monday."
4. Friday morning, I forgot to throw some old salad out of the fridge. Today,
Stan: "I noticed that the fridge is starting to smell and some old salad is in there."
Me: "Oh, yeah, I forgot to take care of that on Friday."
Stan: "Mmm, well, can you follow up on the salad soon?"
....Is he...trying to be a manager...or use managerial vocabulary at home?
5. I know what Stan ate for dinner today. I know he ate a frozen pizza, drank 2 Pepsi MAX's, used a glass, a plate, and had yogurt. How do I know these things? He left a plate with grease on it, a glass, knife, fork, and yogurt cup in the sink when he went out tonight. He also left a frozen pizza box and two soda bottles on the floor next to the garbage can.
Obviously, he hasn't learned anything at all. So I asked him when he got home:
Me: "Stan, can you-"
Stan: "The dishes? Yeah, I'll take care of that now."
Me: "And?"
Stan: "And what?"
Me: "What about the recycling?"
Stan: "*angrily* What about the recycling?"
Me: "*annoyed sigh* .....We talked about this before."
Stan: "...Yeah, I'll do that too. Sorry, I was doing too much before."
What was he doing before? He was sitting in his room for 1.5-2 hours. He told me at work he'd "drop by between 5 and 6, eat a bit, and head out." He showed up at 5, left at 630-645.
Then, after he said he'd take care of it, I noticed that everything was still sitting around. I went downstairs to get him off the phone and take care of it.
Me: "Stan, are you slow or are you trying to get me angry? In any case, do the dishes and stuff."
Stan: "I'm on the phone helping my sister with a math problem."
Me: "You weren't busy before."
Stan: "Well, I just read an email saying to help her before 11 and its 1045 right now."
Me: "Wow...You're very reliable aren't you?"
6. Stan walked into his door or doorframe (I couldn't see), said ow, and immediately started making hurt dog sounds to himself.
7. Stan has been reading Fortune magazine lately. One every week. Except, I used to read Fortune and I know it's monthly, not weekly. So imagine my surprise when I saw him reading a new one every week. The first one had the address label still attached. All the other ones had them missing. I guess he was trying to look smart by reading the magazines, and didn't want people to know that he just took them from his family.
But, I don't think you'll be very knowledgable or intelligent-looking by reading 4 month old magazines.
1. Stan and his family owned an HP or Gateway desktop tower. Something went funny with the power supply, and they didn't know what to do. Apparently, Stan called customer support and asked what could be done.
Stan: "Our computer was having problems with the power supply and because it has special clip things, we can't replace it with a different one from the store. So I called Customer Support and asked what they could do and they told me that the computer was still under warranty and that they could ship us a new power supply. So I ordered one and bingo, the computer was fixed and because I was smart we didn't have to worry about voiding our warranty."
Yes. Hence, why they have proprietary hardware in stock, in case such a situation arises.
2. I had bought a 9 pack of toilet paper about 4 weeks ago. Today,
Stan: "We're running low on toilet paper. Should I go buy some?"
Me: "Really? How much is left?"
Stan: "4 rolls."
Me: "......*thinking* It took us 4 weeks...with two guests for a few days...to go through 5 rolls...I'm pretty sure that we're not low on toilet paper."
*out loud*
"Yeah, sure go buy some."
Stan: "What kind?"
Me: "....The kind we make that feels like what we have..."
Stan: "We make like 10 different products."
Me: "....Ok...buy *name of product*."
Here's the thing. Yes, we make a variety of products. However, we clearly do not use all of them. There are three categories of product we make on site: toilet paper, paper towel, and diapers. Ignoring diapers (we make at least 10 SKU's of diapers, so Stan's already wrong), there's toilet paper and paper towel left. Well, of the paper towel, we have 5 general types that are on site...except 3 of them are experimental and aren't for sale. So, 2 products. Now, there are different combinations and factors of those 2 products that can lead to 20 permutations. Except we're talking about paper towels. And he wanted to buy toilet paper. Of that, we have 3 types. Each type has 3-4 levels. How are the levels different? Size. How are the types different? DRASTICALLY.
3. I sent him an invite to attend my mid term presentation. I actually sent it twice; I had a list of 30 people who got the invite, but I realized that I forgot a few and resent the invite out, hoping that Outlook would be smart enough to not send it to people who already got the invite. I was wrong. Anyway, Stan got two copies of the invite, which clearly listed date, time, and location. He even confirmed with me all three of those things. I was going to have my presentation on Friday. Imagine my surprise when Stan came up to me today and said this:
Stan: "I thought your presentation was on Monday."
4. Friday morning, I forgot to throw some old salad out of the fridge. Today,
Stan: "I noticed that the fridge is starting to smell and some old salad is in there."
Me: "Oh, yeah, I forgot to take care of that on Friday."
Stan: "Mmm, well, can you follow up on the salad soon?"
....Is he...trying to be a manager...or use managerial vocabulary at home?
5. I know what Stan ate for dinner today. I know he ate a frozen pizza, drank 2 Pepsi MAX's, used a glass, a plate, and had yogurt. How do I know these things? He left a plate with grease on it, a glass, knife, fork, and yogurt cup in the sink when he went out tonight. He also left a frozen pizza box and two soda bottles on the floor next to the garbage can.
Obviously, he hasn't learned anything at all. So I asked him when he got home:
Me: "Stan, can you-"
Stan: "The dishes? Yeah, I'll take care of that now."
Me: "And?"
Stan: "And what?"
Me: "What about the recycling?"
Stan: "*angrily* What about the recycling?"
Me: "*annoyed sigh* .....We talked about this before."
Stan: "...Yeah, I'll do that too. Sorry, I was doing too much before."
What was he doing before? He was sitting in his room for 1.5-2 hours. He told me at work he'd "drop by between 5 and 6, eat a bit, and head out." He showed up at 5, left at 630-645.
Then, after he said he'd take care of it, I noticed that everything was still sitting around. I went downstairs to get him off the phone and take care of it.
Me: "Stan, are you slow or are you trying to get me angry? In any case, do the dishes and stuff."
Stan: "I'm on the phone helping my sister with a math problem."
Me: "You weren't busy before."
Stan: "Well, I just read an email saying to help her before 11 and its 1045 right now."
Me: "Wow...You're very reliable aren't you?"
6. Stan walked into his door or doorframe (I couldn't see), said ow, and immediately started making hurt dog sounds to himself.
7. Stan has been reading Fortune magazine lately. One every week. Except, I used to read Fortune and I know it's monthly, not weekly. So imagine my surprise when I saw him reading a new one every week. The first one had the address label still attached. All the other ones had them missing. I guess he was trying to look smart by reading the magazines, and didn't want people to know that he just took them from his family.
But, I don't think you'll be very knowledgable or intelligent-looking by reading 4 month old magazines.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Unbelievably Huge Update
Here's the deal.
Most of the time, I post whenever I hit eight or so bullet points and it can take me anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour to write everything down here. Usually, eight bullet points takes a few days. Yesterday, Stan hit a whopping 54 bullet points in one day. On top of that, I never posted the notes from before!
So...without further ado:
1. Stan asked me if I had taken his nasal spray. I'm going to spell it out for you: why would I take HIS nasal spray? We all know where nasal sprays go, so why would I want to borrow someone else's let alone his?
2. Stan asked me one day if he could drink some of my milk. I didn't see a problem with it as I never finish my milk usually (I just don't drink enough of it).
Me: "Yeah go ahead."
Stan: "Thanks. I thought I had a whole gallon in there, but I just realized that I brought it home with me over the weekend since it was expired."
3. Stan and I had a dinner with a representative not from work. This representative was unfamiliar with our area and wanted us to pick a place to eat. Actually, he wanted us to work together to pick a place to eat. I was extremely busy, and have been extremely busy both in and out of work lately, so I didn't go ask Stan about dinner. Imagine my surprise when Stan sent out an email ordering us to eat at Applebee's. Now...he had claimed to be familiar with the area before, and I can say without any hesitation that Applebee's...was not the best place to eat, even with a budget of $15 each. He clearly just picked a place at random and told us to go.
Now, I sent an email out to him and the representative saying that Applebee's was not a good choice for the money we were going to spend and suggested a place like Chili's, at least. Stan did not get back to me, even though he "prides himself on responding to email instantly." So, I asked him about it at lunch the next day. He was sitting with his coworkers, while I had just finished a 15 minute lunch as they were sitting.
Me: "Stan, did you get my email about dinner?"
Stan: *air of arrogance* "I got like 6 emails last night."
*silence*
Me: *Nevermind that I've been getting 20 emails a night for various reasons (not all Facebook)* "...Ok, well did you read it?"
Stan: "Oh... Yeah. Chili's sounds fine by me."
Me: "....*wonders why that was so hard to say* Ok, well, I have to go prepare for a meeting, so I'll see you later."
4. Stan had given us the address of the Applebee's he wanted to go to so badly. He then said, and this is a DIRECT copy paste from the email:
"My cell is ---.---.---- if anyone needs to last-minute cancel/gets lost getting to the restaurant. I would recommend not using the direction finder on Applebee's website; it completely overcomplicated my directions.
Google maps works a lot better."
Soooo...now he's taking credit...for Google Maps giving him directions?
On top of that, he didn't actually give directions.
5. I had bought a 6 pack of light bulbs to replace 2 that had burned out. It was not a huge concern for either of us to put bulbs in, so I let the bulbs sit on the counter. I even asked him if he cared about having lighting, and he didn't. So the bulbs sat for 2 days. Then, one day Stan made a lot of noise in the hallway and everything got brighter when he hit a switch. Wow. He put my bulbs in.
Stan: "We now have light."
Now....why he wanted to paraphrase God, I can understand; he has a complex, I wager. However, the "light" had been there for a while. Obviously, and again, taking credit for someone else's work.
6. My room is quite small and there isn't enough room to put my copier inside. As such, I put the copier on the hallway sink counter as it had the biggest counter space with a working power outlet. It was clear and away from water, and would always be, especially if no one used the sink. After three days of leaving the copier there and hearing no complaints, Stan walked into the hallway and stood in complete silence for 45 seconds.
Stan: "Is this copier always going to be here?"
Me: "Is it a problem?"
Stan: "I want to use this sink."
Me: "....The actual bathroom is about 10 feet from that sink."
Stan: "I know. I like using this sink to brush my teeth."
Me: "....You are very lazy."
Course I moved the copier about 10 mins later because I didn't want to risk him getting water onto it.
7. Trooper had a birthday recently. Stan asked how old trooper was. Now, this is always a relative question, so I answered "our age"
Stan: "So they're 21?"
Me: "...No, we're not even 21, they're 20 now."
Stan: "So they're younger then." *walks into room with arrogance*
8. I walked out the other day and saw him eating a salad and reading a Fortune magazine. I have a feeling someone told him to read the Fortune as he never did before. I'm also guessing that he was trying to look smarter. Kinda failed.
9. I recently attended a dinner in a major city far away from where Stan and I live. Stan did not go, so it was a fairly pleasant drive over. When I got there, I met new people. We didn't even know we had mutual friends until another guest walked in to the restaurant.
Her: "OH MAN, so I've been reading the blog!"
New person 1: "THE STAN BLOG?!?"
10. New person 1: "Oh yeah, I had class with Stan. I loved everything about that class except for him.
11. New person 3: "Has he played any music for you yet?"
New person 2: "Yeah, he kept saying he was a 'Violin Master'."
Me: "....My friends were in orchestra with him. He sat in the last chair of the 2nd Violins. Which means he was the worst violinist in the orchestra. He didn't even make that seat the next year."
12. Stan was explaining why he was gone one day. Apparently, he just stayed over at a coworker's place because it was so late in the night.
"Good thing I always have a change of clothes in my car for just such an occasion."
13. Stan came out of the bathroom the other day and felt need to tell me the following:
"The bathroom is all yours."
Now, I didn't even need to use it. I was literally just sitting in my room at my desk.
14. Stan's explanation as to why he came back home at like 9 pm was because "someone screwed up at work." I really wonder who.
Ok, this is the day with 54 notes. I don't even remember everything because I wrote it all in short fragments. In his car. While he was driving. And while I was in shotgun. Or during dinner.
15. Stan and I had a separate dinner with a representative from our mutual organization. Despite the fact that Stan dictated that dinner was at 7:00 pm a few days prior to this dinner and the fact that all he really does is read emails all day (meaning he would've been able to see about 6 confirmation emails), he had forgotten what time dinner was. By 5:00 pm.
16. We have two bottles of dish detergent at our sink. One is a very dark blue one, so dark that you cannot really see how much detergent is left in the bottle unless you look hard. The other is a clear bottle with bright green colored detergent. I remembered how low the green one had gone (maybe 2 cm from the bottom) and asked Stan if he could pick up another bottle of detergent. Stan asked if we had run out. He then claimed he hadn't noticed because he only used the dark blue one. The one that always sits next to the bright green one.
17. We decided to carpool to this dinner. Last time we carpooled, we took my car, even though I didn't really have to go, and I had to fill up on gas the next time I went out. Which of course didn't faze Stan. He also didn't think about thanking me for driving either. So, when we were going to leave for dinner, Stan obviously asked who was going to drive.
18. While Stan was driving, he asked if I had seen any schoolbuses around on the roads.
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "Aren't they terrible to follow?"
Me: "....They're schoolbuses...what did you expect?"
Stan: "No, maybe you don't understand. These schoolbuses were awful. They kept stopping every like 100 feet in the midafternoon and on my way to work!"
Me: "...As in...when school starts....and when school ends?"
Stan: "Yeah."
Conversation ended there for a moment.
19. Somehow we ended up talking about Binghampton.
Stan: "Binghampton is so in the boonies." Followed by his own laughter. And that was it. I'm really not sure how someone who's living in an area with only a WalMart can judge, but hey.
20. Stan totally ate like a full plate of food 2 hours before our dinner. Was it for etiquette? I hope not, since we knew the dinner was casual...and at Chili's.
21. We'd been working here for 9 weeks by the time this event happened. Stan had taken a tour of my department. Very quick and simple tour. He went on and on about how bad the dust was in one area of the machine. I didn't tell him but I'd been there several times. I did tell him that he went on a light day and that it wasn't too bad. He insisted that it was terrible and began trying to tell me how machines in my department worked. Unlike him, however, I did not spend 6 weeks checking email and getting lost, so I did already know how my machines worked.
22. Our power flickered. All the lights dimmed and some fans slowed down. Stan asked me if my lights dimmed.
23. I was playing video games to wait for him to leave. I ended up playing for 3 minutes too long and he commanded me to get up and get in the car.
24. As I got into the front seat of his car, Stan had this nugget of information for me:
Stan: "If you want to adjust the seatback, the lever is on the right."
THANKS STAN WHAT WOULD I EVER DO WITHOUT YOU.
25. I had gotten a new phone a whole week before this dinner. Stan knew I had gotten it because he was going to help me by waiting for the package. Then I got home and told him he could go as I waited for my phone.
Flash forward a week:
Stan: "Hey, nice new phone."
26. Our first week at work, we were told that we would be given Outlook 300. It's a fancy name for Webmail based Outlook. We were also told to not use Outlook 500, or the actual program, because they didn't have enough licenses and such.
Four weeks in, Stan complained about how his Outlook wasn't working. Of course, I asked what was wrong. He then said that he had been using the program the entire time and was going to have it fixed.
Now, the ninth week at work, Stan told me in the car that his Outlook was still having issues. And that he was told not to use the program. He wondered why the IT people waited so long to tell him not to use the program and just stick to Webmail. I told him that we were explicitly told to use Webmail. He said he must not have been there. I told him we were told during training. He sat and looked dumb.
27. Stan's sister was having a senior recital. She invited him and really wanted him to come home to see it.
Stan: *in a very non-caring tone* "Yeah...so...sister's recital...whatever, I guess I'll go."
28. I vented a little about how one of my projects went bad. We lost items that we were supposed to track. Stan offered to help me find them. Even though he didn't know what they looked like. And I told many more important people to keep an eye out. Including in his own department. He still insisted that he could help.
29. Stan's department had ordered too much glue to use in the machines. They had a big meeting to come up with ways to get rid of the glue. As in hundreds, maybe tons of the stuff. Of glue. Sticky, will screw lots of stuff up, glue. Stan suggested that they dump it in the river. He then told me that he woke everyone up out of boredom during the meeting. I personally doubt they were bored, just shocked at his idiocy.
30. Stan bragged about how his car only needs planned maintenance every couple thousand miles. Just like any other car, really.
31. Me: "Yeah, I have to get my maintenance. And my oil changed. I'll just have them done at the same time."
Stan: "You haven't gotten your oil changed? What's wrong with you?"
Me: "...I just said...I'm going to...with my maintenance...and also...I'm entirely too busy to do it."
32. So the first night we were in the apartment, Stan told me that he basically took his mom's car to drive here. This day, he changed his story and claimed that his mom gave him the car.
33. Stan said he's too busy at home as his cell phone constantly rings. He implied a tone of great importance, but we all know that it's his family or people returning calls. Specifically after he tells them to call him back later.
34. We were following a car that was slowing down. Now, when cars slow down, it's either quick or slow. Quick means braking. Slow means naturally drifting to a stop. This car we were following was VERY slow as it was slowing down.
Stan: "That car has its center brake light out."
Me: "....Uh...it could just be not using the brake. It is slowing down very slowly."
Stan: "....True."
35. Stan talked about how there were 50,000 miles on his car and bragged about how much of those miles he had driven. He claimed half. He argued that this made him an experienced driver who knew what he was doing, unlike most people. I didn't feel like bringing it up, but my car has 76,000 miles on it, and I've driven it across the country twice. One of those trips had mountains, snow, rain, sleet, massive traffic, trucks, sun, clouds, fog, and nighttime driving on the highway and in the city in a span of 12 hours. On top of that, I've driven the car in so many different states that I can sorta identify driver origins based off their driving behavior. And I can honestly say I've never driven on the wrong side of a narrow downhill road before. Which he did. And almost made me crash into him.
36. My notes say "car brag" but I don't remember what happened. I think it had to do with windshield wipers.
37. Stan said that he would like long drives so he wouldn't unleash his stress on his wife and kids. Even ignoring the fact that he "wasn't worried about that yet," I'm a little afraid for anyone unlucky enough to be in that situation. Personally, I doubt I would destress on other people.
38. He asked what the car situation was like in my family. I told him hard because we had 5 cars and 4 drivers and we can't juggle insurance and parking around to make it work, usually.
Stan: "I totally understand, the car situation is hard in my family too."
Me: "How so?"
Stan: "We have 4 cars and 4 drivers."
....HOW ABOUT ONE CAR PER DRIVER FUCKTARD?! DONE AND DONE
Granted, what should I expect from a person who struggled for a long time at coming up with ways to move Mr. Toad. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read older posts.
39. Stan: "Yeah, my car is fully loaded. Power windows, locks, AC, ABS."
Me: "....Yeah....most of those...like especially ABS... were made standard on cars larger than compact 10 years ago. [we're in 2007]."
Stan: "My minivan didn't have it!"
Me: "What year was your minivan (I knew that minivans usually HAD ABS because soccer moms love safety)?"
Stan: "A '94."
40. Notes say "Car Brag 2." I think it had to do with the other standard features in his car and how it came "fully loaded."
41. Stan tried to argue with me about cars. Like...model features, renovations, etc. He wouldn't take the fact that he was wrong lightly. Actually, he didn't accept that fact at all. For example, he claimed that the Toyota Camry was all new for 2007. He was off by a year.
42. It had been raining for most of the drive down to dinner. Notice that this all happened BEFORE we got to the dinner. So within 30 minutes. Anyway, when we got to the city where we were going to eat, the rain had stopped. However, the shoulder was very clearly wet. It was significantly darker than the road we were driving on. Still, Stan boldly pronounced that it had obviously not rained in this city.
43. When we got to Chili's, our dinner host had not arrived.
Stan: "Do you know him?"
Me: "...Yes...I ate dinner with him last night."
Stan: "Oh that's right. Do you have his cell phone number?"
Me: "No, I don't."
Stan: "Ok, well I do."
Creepy. Especially since Stan had never met him before.
44. Stan couldn't find the way into Chili's. I told him turn by turn directions as I had driven by it before. Unsurprisingly, after he made the final turn and saw the sign, he claimed that it was "very easy to find."
45. The entire Chili's was decked out in Halloween decorations. This took me -15 seconds to notice, because I could see everything when I was walking into the restaurant. It took Stan 5 minutes. He then had to tell me that the Chili's was covered in Halloween decorations.
46. Stan: "Did your high school have mol day?"
Me: "...So...Oct 23, at 602 AM?"
Stan: "Yeah."
Me: "No. We were entirely too busy."
Stan: "Oh, my mol day was great blahblahblah..."
Three minutes later
Stan: "So that's what I did. I liked mol day a lot."
Me: "...To be honest, it sounds kinda stupid."
Stan: "Yeah, I didn't really enjoy it that much."
47. Our host was clearly lost. I told Stan to call him at 7:00 when he didn't show up. The host said "I'll be right there." Stan came back to tell me this via thumbs up since I was on the phone. After 10 minutes, I knew he was lost, but I was still on the phone. Stan sat around looking confused and like he was looking for friends in all the decorations when he caught my eye and I glanced at my watch and motioned my phone. He finally realized that maybe he should call the host and help him with directions. The directions were clearly terrible as it took our host another 20 minutes to get to Chili's.
48. Maitre d: *looking at our host, who is much older than us* "How many?"
Host: "Thr-"
Stan: "Three."
Maitre d: *taken aback* "...Smoking or non?"
Host: "No-"
Stan: "Non-smoking."
49. Our host told us how bad his day was, including a wolfed-down breakfast. Stan said that his 1o minute lunch that day was just as bad. Including just as bad as the three 10 minute lunches I had for 3 days straight.
50. I bought a gallon jug of Sweet Tea from the grocery store. Stan knew I had gone to the grocery store, but was scared when he opened the fridge and saw the tea.
Stan: "That's your's right?"
Me: "Yes."
Stan: "Oh ok, cuz all of a sudden a gallon of tea just appeared!"
51. We were all having trouble deciding what to order since there were so many choices on the menu. Stan then claimed that it was just as hard as having to choose where to work. A reminder (and another story related to this will appear down the list): When offers came around, he got zero. Zero job offers. And he was like that for a week. He begged our recruiter since he saw that someone declined a spot and managed to get the job.
52. Our company culture says "do not talk about pay." Really, that seems to be all that Stan can talk about at times. A reminder: we're still at dinner.
53. Stan: "I like my job because it allows me to do what I'm good at. Working with the machines."
I doubt it.
54. Our host went on to describe his day.
Host: "Yeah, I'd say it was a weird day toda-"
Stan: "I have a weird day everyday."
55. Stan: "I want to go to Italy because our machines have an Italian name, so I'd know what I'm doing there."
56. During the first week at work, Stan asked me why they had hired people from our major for these jobs as they didn't really have anything to do with what we were working on. I told him that I asked the same question during my interview and the interviewers liked my frankness and answered that we were being looked at because of our analytical thinking. I had told this to Stan.
At this dinner, our host had locked eye contact with me:
Host: "Are you bothered by the fact that you're not necessarily applying what you've learned? Why did they have you fill this role?"
Me: "Well, it's bec-"
Stan: "They wanted us for our analytical thinking, I found out."
57. Stan claimed that there was plenty of mechanical engineering in chemical engineering. And that there were a lot of similarities.
58. We had all ordered house special drinks. Our host had a tea with mango syrup in it. However, the syrup and the liquid were both yellow, so I don't blame him when he didn't notice that he was supposed to stir his drink. Stan had a clear drink with a dark syrup. The waitress had told him to mix the drink. He didn't notice. So he said that the drink was too strong. Then I told him to stir it. It was good afterwards.
59. I had complained several times in the beginning that the young managers kept inviting me to do stuff. And by do stuff, I mean go to bars. Big no no. When our host asked us what we did, Stan turned my story into his.
60. We were leaving from dinner, and Stan ended up in a left turn only lane. He JUMPED out of the lane into the normal lane.
Stan: "Did you see that? Those are my reflexes. I inherited them from my mom. She has really quick reflexes too."
That makes me wonder if it was his reflexes that let him run the stop sign that came 15 feet later.
61. Stan and I entered the car at the same time. I had noticed that there was condensation on the inside of the windshield. Stan immediately turned the defrost/defog setting in his car to max.
Stan: "The car fogged up as soon as I got in!"
I know. I was there. Believe me, I noticed. As hard as it was to notice a large, clear object be unclear 2 feet from my face, I somehow noticed.
62. Stan asked if I was considering Lasik. I said no because there were still a few dangers. You can search on the Internet and find the dangers. Stan insisted that there were none. I had somehow ended up looking at Lasik stories that day during my break, so I think I knew what I was talking about.
63. My notes say fishing. I think he asked me if I'd ever gone fishing before. Which I would say yes to. I'm guessing he then tried to teach me what fishing was.
64. Stan was complaining that he doesn't get a lot of work done because so many people try to talk to him. And that he never gets lost at work.
65. My notes say "Car Brag 3" OH I REMEMBER THIS ONE.
We were at a red light. I told him that he needed to take a left at the next light, and that he should've gotten in the left lane before. Since now he had to pass a car that was even with us.
Stan: "No problem, me and my VTEC will get us out of this."
When the light turned green, he floored the pedal. Lots of revving ensued for 5 seconds. We hit 27, then he had to slow down for the red light. He did managed to take that left turn, but after we were on the on ramp, he floored the pedal again. Lots of revving for 6 seconds. We were going 30. Sounds like quite the "4 cylinder monster" he makes it out to be.
66. Stan: "I will definitely come back here when they offer me a full time position. Unless some other place offers something better."
Great loyalty eh? Also, he's placing a lot of bets on his performance...story to come...
67. Stan named his machine and himself with his own names. He then proceeded to tell everyone what his ideas for names were. He then wondered why everyone was using his language.
68. The street signs near our apartment are white obelisks with black letters. Probably because green signs would blend in with the bunches of trees lining the roads here. Stan said he liked the signs but couldn't figure out why they were like that. When I suggested my idea, he shot it down. And he'll probably explain to other people why the signs here are like that and pass it off as his own thinking.
69. Back to the job offers. He had told everyone in the spring that he hadn't gotten any offers and was stuck like that for a week. He then told me later that he had gotten an offer from my company because he found out that someone gave up a spot and then begged the recruiter through email for the position that was turned down.
When I asked him in the car on the ride home about job offers, his story changed. He now claimed that after he realized he had no offers, he talked to our job finders and emailed a few places that had empty spots. Stan said that he got an email back the next morning from my recruiter, offering him a job.
I have long suspected that Stan only got this job because 1. they probably needed more help and 2. they didn't want me to be alone. I reasoned the latter because we're in the middle of nowhere and they must've thought I'd be lonely and that one person from the same organization as me is better than none.
Monday, I spoke with our recruiter about the recruiting process.
Recruiter: "We decided 2 years ago that we would never, ever hire only one person. We had hired one girl all by herself 3 years ago, and she ended up being extremely lonely because she lived all by herself and couldn't really hang out with the drinking crowd. So now, it is always at least two people."
Doesn't it all make sense now?
70. A warning, 70 to 74 all happened in 5 minutes in one morning. I was trying to make sense of the mess Stan left near the garbage. Stan had just left recycling all over the floor. Even though, ever since we'd been in the apartment, I had been very obviously and clearly hanging plastic bags from the cabinets and placing recyclables in different bags. The bags are at eye level and very easy to identify. Stan followed along with this for a while, then he just forgot. I told him to go pick up all his recycling.
71. Stan tried to shove his recycling in very full bags. I wanted to test his logic, and he obviously failed. We have more than enough empty plastic bags he could've used. And he knew exactly where they were.
Me: *watching him struggle* "...Is it that hard to use another bag?"
Stan: "..........I could."
72. We took Organic Chemistry class together. So we learned at the same time that plastic and styrofoam are derived from the same type of material: polymers from petroleum. To be honest, I learned this in high school, so this was not news to me. PS: Fleece is recycled styrofoam. Anyway, plastic and styrofoam are pretty much the exact same material, just adjusted for different uses.
Stan: *holding an egg carton, looking perplexed* "What do I do with this?"
Me: "Why don't you put it with the other plastics?"
Stan: "They're not the same!"
Me: *dead eye*
Stan: "Well, where I'm from they're not the same. We treat them differently."
Me: "...No...we both know that they're the same. Put them together."
73. Lastly, he left dead lightbulbs on the floor. Hiding near a trash bin. On tile. To me, that spells danger. One misstep or dropping some heavy garbage and broken glass would be everywhere.
Stan: "What do I do with the lightbulbs? Can't recycle them."
Me: *HEAVY SARCASM* "Yeah, just put them back on the floor there. In a hard to see and dangerous spot."
Stan: *places lightbulbs down*
Me: "..........................I was so sarcastic it's not even funny. Can you move the lightbulbs someplace else? I don't like the idea of sharp lightbulbs on the ground."
Stan: "Uhh, they're not sharp. See? They're lightbulbs?"
Me: "And what are lightbulbs made of?"
Stan: "Yeah but it's not broken, and there's no danger of breaking them here."
Me: "...Hard to see, on tile, yes, no, no danger at all. Besides a misstep or dropping anything."
Stan: "What do you want me to do with them then?"
Me: "....Why don't we just put them in a bag in the empty cabinet? That doesn't sound so hard."
74. After all that, Stan left the kitchen. There's a table that we eat (separately) on. It had been a terrible mess for a long time because whenever he went to the grocery store or WalMart, he would just leave the plastic bags on the table and not take care of them. Even after I showed him my system of leaving them in a cabinet. As Stan left:
Stan: *looking upset* "THIS TABLE IS A MESS!!!!"
Me: "Yeah....those...are your plastic bags. Look, the only things on that table that are mine are these. You've been leaving your crap there the entire time."
Stan: ".....Well, some of these bags are tied up! I didn't do that!"
Me: "No, but you made our guests from before think that they could do that. Clean it up."
Stan: *silently moves bags away....by throwing them decently hard into cabinet*
NEW STUFF
75. We have to give midterm and final presentations. Stan gave his a few days ago. Well, let's back up. The 2nd day of training, we had to attend a "how to give presentations" training session. I thought it was a waste of time since I had given a few and am a barely passable public speaker. Stan looked like he had the same attitude. Yet, during his midterm presentation, he threw every suggestion out the window. He read off his slides, fidgeted the entire time, and didn't involve his audience.
76. We were encouraged to bring snacks to presentations. I was going to do this, but I was going to make it a surprise. Stan did not bring snacks at all.
Recruiter: "You know, your predecessor brought cookies to their midterm presentation."
Stan: *very snappy* "Do I look like my predecessor to you?"
77. During his presentation, I thought the remote for the slides was broken. It clicked very loudly everytime he pressed the button. I had assumed it was broken because I have a few items that still sorta work, but do click loudly when used. But I was weirded out when all of a sudden the slide advanced and Stan said "Sorry, trigger happy with the clicker." I then watched how he was using the remote. He was hitting it with is finger. Like, slamming his index finger into the clicking area as best as he could with limited swing.
78. Stan put into his presentation a quote from his boss's boss.
"I get a better return of investment from my pet rock than I do with Stan."
79. One of Stan's projects was to have part of a floor painted white. It took him weeks to call a contractor to get it done. He talked about this during his presentation. He claimed that the white floor would allow everyone to see oil drips better. This is true. However, it is a bit of a stretch to say that seeing oil allows the machine to stay running longer. Stan did this. He tried to tie in the business needs of the company into his presentation and his projects wherever he could.
80. Stan once again went to his lady-friend's place 30 mins from here.
Stan: "I don't plan on staying but it could happen."
Me: "Ok."
Stan: "If I end up being there at midnight, I'll stay over there."
Me: "Ok."
Stan: *while leaving* "Ok, I'm off. See you sometime. Don't know when sometime is though."
Wouldn't that be why you say "sometime" instead of, oh I don't know, a CERTAIN time?
81. So Stan came back at 12:45 am. Which leads me to believe that he tried to stay at her place, since he said if was there at midnight, he would stay over there, but failed.
WHEW that was a long post. That's pretty much everything that you've missed. Enjoy. I'm keenly aware that this post is not up to the normal level of fluid speech and all the other elements of good storytelling that I usually strive for. However, this post took me over 3 hours to type, and I'm guessing that it would've taken me 5 had I actually tried to make it nicer. My apologies.
Most of the time, I post whenever I hit eight or so bullet points and it can take me anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour to write everything down here. Usually, eight bullet points takes a few days. Yesterday, Stan hit a whopping 54 bullet points in one day. On top of that, I never posted the notes from before!
So...without further ado:
1. Stan asked me if I had taken his nasal spray. I'm going to spell it out for you: why would I take HIS nasal spray? We all know where nasal sprays go, so why would I want to borrow someone else's let alone his?
2. Stan asked me one day if he could drink some of my milk. I didn't see a problem with it as I never finish my milk usually (I just don't drink enough of it).
Me: "Yeah go ahead."
Stan: "Thanks. I thought I had a whole gallon in there, but I just realized that I brought it home with me over the weekend since it was expired."
3. Stan and I had a dinner with a representative not from work. This representative was unfamiliar with our area and wanted us to pick a place to eat. Actually, he wanted us to work together to pick a place to eat. I was extremely busy, and have been extremely busy both in and out of work lately, so I didn't go ask Stan about dinner. Imagine my surprise when Stan sent out an email ordering us to eat at Applebee's. Now...he had claimed to be familiar with the area before, and I can say without any hesitation that Applebee's...was not the best place to eat, even with a budget of $15 each. He clearly just picked a place at random and told us to go.
Now, I sent an email out to him and the representative saying that Applebee's was not a good choice for the money we were going to spend and suggested a place like Chili's, at least. Stan did not get back to me, even though he "prides himself on responding to email instantly." So, I asked him about it at lunch the next day. He was sitting with his coworkers, while I had just finished a 15 minute lunch as they were sitting.
Me: "Stan, did you get my email about dinner?"
Stan: *air of arrogance* "I got like 6 emails last night."
*silence*
Me: *Nevermind that I've been getting 20 emails a night for various reasons (not all Facebook)* "...Ok, well did you read it?"
Stan: "Oh... Yeah. Chili's sounds fine by me."
Me: "....*wonders why that was so hard to say* Ok, well, I have to go prepare for a meeting, so I'll see you later."
4. Stan had given us the address of the Applebee's he wanted to go to so badly. He then said, and this is a DIRECT copy paste from the email:
"My cell is ---.---.---- if anyone needs to last-minute cancel/gets lost getting to the restaurant. I would recommend not using the direction finder on Applebee's website; it completely overcomplicated my directions.
Google maps works a lot better."
Soooo...now he's taking credit...for Google Maps giving him directions?
On top of that, he didn't actually give directions.
5. I had bought a 6 pack of light bulbs to replace 2 that had burned out. It was not a huge concern for either of us to put bulbs in, so I let the bulbs sit on the counter. I even asked him if he cared about having lighting, and he didn't. So the bulbs sat for 2 days. Then, one day Stan made a lot of noise in the hallway and everything got brighter when he hit a switch. Wow. He put my bulbs in.
Stan: "We now have light."
Now....why he wanted to paraphrase God, I can understand; he has a complex, I wager. However, the "light" had been there for a while. Obviously, and again, taking credit for someone else's work.
6. My room is quite small and there isn't enough room to put my copier inside. As such, I put the copier on the hallway sink counter as it had the biggest counter space with a working power outlet. It was clear and away from water, and would always be, especially if no one used the sink. After three days of leaving the copier there and hearing no complaints, Stan walked into the hallway and stood in complete silence for 45 seconds.
Stan: "Is this copier always going to be here?"
Me: "Is it a problem?"
Stan: "I want to use this sink."
Me: "....The actual bathroom is about 10 feet from that sink."
Stan: "I know. I like using this sink to brush my teeth."
Me: "....You are very lazy."
Course I moved the copier about 10 mins later because I didn't want to risk him getting water onto it.
7. Trooper had a birthday recently. Stan asked how old trooper was. Now, this is always a relative question, so I answered "our age"
Stan: "So they're 21?"
Me: "...No, we're not even 21, they're 20 now."
Stan: "So they're younger then." *walks into room with arrogance*
8. I walked out the other day and saw him eating a salad and reading a Fortune magazine. I have a feeling someone told him to read the Fortune as he never did before. I'm also guessing that he was trying to look smarter. Kinda failed.
9. I recently attended a dinner in a major city far away from where Stan and I live. Stan did not go, so it was a fairly pleasant drive over. When I got there, I met new people. We didn't even know we had mutual friends until another guest walked in to the restaurant.
Her: "OH MAN, so I've been reading the blog!"
New person 1: "THE STAN BLOG?!?"
10. New person 1: "Oh yeah, I had class with Stan. I loved everything about that class except for him.
11. New person 3: "Has he played any music for you yet?"
New person 2: "Yeah, he kept saying he was a 'Violin Master'."
Me: "....My friends were in orchestra with him. He sat in the last chair of the 2nd Violins. Which means he was the worst violinist in the orchestra. He didn't even make that seat the next year."
12. Stan was explaining why he was gone one day. Apparently, he just stayed over at a coworker's place because it was so late in the night.
"Good thing I always have a change of clothes in my car for just such an occasion."
13. Stan came out of the bathroom the other day and felt need to tell me the following:
"The bathroom is all yours."
Now, I didn't even need to use it. I was literally just sitting in my room at my desk.
14. Stan's explanation as to why he came back home at like 9 pm was because "someone screwed up at work." I really wonder who.
Ok, this is the day with 54 notes. I don't even remember everything because I wrote it all in short fragments. In his car. While he was driving. And while I was in shotgun. Or during dinner.
15. Stan and I had a separate dinner with a representative from our mutual organization. Despite the fact that Stan dictated that dinner was at 7:00 pm a few days prior to this dinner and the fact that all he really does is read emails all day (meaning he would've been able to see about 6 confirmation emails), he had forgotten what time dinner was. By 5:00 pm.
16. We have two bottles of dish detergent at our sink. One is a very dark blue one, so dark that you cannot really see how much detergent is left in the bottle unless you look hard. The other is a clear bottle with bright green colored detergent. I remembered how low the green one had gone (maybe 2 cm from the bottom) and asked Stan if he could pick up another bottle of detergent. Stan asked if we had run out. He then claimed he hadn't noticed because he only used the dark blue one. The one that always sits next to the bright green one.
17. We decided to carpool to this dinner. Last time we carpooled, we took my car, even though I didn't really have to go, and I had to fill up on gas the next time I went out. Which of course didn't faze Stan. He also didn't think about thanking me for driving either. So, when we were going to leave for dinner, Stan obviously asked who was going to drive.
18. While Stan was driving, he asked if I had seen any schoolbuses around on the roads.
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "Aren't they terrible to follow?"
Me: "....They're schoolbuses...what did you expect?"
Stan: "No, maybe you don't understand. These schoolbuses were awful. They kept stopping every like 100 feet in the midafternoon and on my way to work!"
Me: "...As in...when school starts....and when school ends?"
Stan: "Yeah."
Conversation ended there for a moment.
19. Somehow we ended up talking about Binghampton.
Stan: "Binghampton is so in the boonies." Followed by his own laughter. And that was it. I'm really not sure how someone who's living in an area with only a WalMart can judge, but hey.
20. Stan totally ate like a full plate of food 2 hours before our dinner. Was it for etiquette? I hope not, since we knew the dinner was casual...and at Chili's.
21. We'd been working here for 9 weeks by the time this event happened. Stan had taken a tour of my department. Very quick and simple tour. He went on and on about how bad the dust was in one area of the machine. I didn't tell him but I'd been there several times. I did tell him that he went on a light day and that it wasn't too bad. He insisted that it was terrible and began trying to tell me how machines in my department worked. Unlike him, however, I did not spend 6 weeks checking email and getting lost, so I did already know how my machines worked.
22. Our power flickered. All the lights dimmed and some fans slowed down. Stan asked me if my lights dimmed.
23. I was playing video games to wait for him to leave. I ended up playing for 3 minutes too long and he commanded me to get up and get in the car.
24. As I got into the front seat of his car, Stan had this nugget of information for me:
Stan: "If you want to adjust the seatback, the lever is on the right."
THANKS STAN WHAT WOULD I EVER DO WITHOUT YOU.
25. I had gotten a new phone a whole week before this dinner. Stan knew I had gotten it because he was going to help me by waiting for the package. Then I got home and told him he could go as I waited for my phone.
Flash forward a week:
Stan: "Hey, nice new phone."
26. Our first week at work, we were told that we would be given Outlook 300. It's a fancy name for Webmail based Outlook. We were also told to not use Outlook 500, or the actual program, because they didn't have enough licenses and such.
Four weeks in, Stan complained about how his Outlook wasn't working. Of course, I asked what was wrong. He then said that he had been using the program the entire time and was going to have it fixed.
Now, the ninth week at work, Stan told me in the car that his Outlook was still having issues. And that he was told not to use the program. He wondered why the IT people waited so long to tell him not to use the program and just stick to Webmail. I told him that we were explicitly told to use Webmail. He said he must not have been there. I told him we were told during training. He sat and looked dumb.
27. Stan's sister was having a senior recital. She invited him and really wanted him to come home to see it.
Stan: *in a very non-caring tone* "Yeah...so...sister's recital...whatever, I guess I'll go."
28. I vented a little about how one of my projects went bad. We lost items that we were supposed to track. Stan offered to help me find them. Even though he didn't know what they looked like. And I told many more important people to keep an eye out. Including in his own department. He still insisted that he could help.
29. Stan's department had ordered too much glue to use in the machines. They had a big meeting to come up with ways to get rid of the glue. As in hundreds, maybe tons of the stuff. Of glue. Sticky, will screw lots of stuff up, glue. Stan suggested that they dump it in the river. He then told me that he woke everyone up out of boredom during the meeting. I personally doubt they were bored, just shocked at his idiocy.
30. Stan bragged about how his car only needs planned maintenance every couple thousand miles. Just like any other car, really.
31. Me: "Yeah, I have to get my maintenance. And my oil changed. I'll just have them done at the same time."
Stan: "You haven't gotten your oil changed? What's wrong with you?"
Me: "...I just said...I'm going to...with my maintenance...and also...I'm entirely too busy to do it."
32. So the first night we were in the apartment, Stan told me that he basically took his mom's car to drive here. This day, he changed his story and claimed that his mom gave him the car.
33. Stan said he's too busy at home as his cell phone constantly rings. He implied a tone of great importance, but we all know that it's his family or people returning calls. Specifically after he tells them to call him back later.
34. We were following a car that was slowing down. Now, when cars slow down, it's either quick or slow. Quick means braking. Slow means naturally drifting to a stop. This car we were following was VERY slow as it was slowing down.
Stan: "That car has its center brake light out."
Me: "....Uh...it could just be not using the brake. It is slowing down very slowly."
Stan: "....True."
35. Stan talked about how there were 50,000 miles on his car and bragged about how much of those miles he had driven. He claimed half. He argued that this made him an experienced driver who knew what he was doing, unlike most people. I didn't feel like bringing it up, but my car has 76,000 miles on it, and I've driven it across the country twice. One of those trips had mountains, snow, rain, sleet, massive traffic, trucks, sun, clouds, fog, and nighttime driving on the highway and in the city in a span of 12 hours. On top of that, I've driven the car in so many different states that I can sorta identify driver origins based off their driving behavior. And I can honestly say I've never driven on the wrong side of a narrow downhill road before. Which he did. And almost made me crash into him.
36. My notes say "car brag" but I don't remember what happened. I think it had to do with windshield wipers.
37. Stan said that he would like long drives so he wouldn't unleash his stress on his wife and kids. Even ignoring the fact that he "wasn't worried about that yet," I'm a little afraid for anyone unlucky enough to be in that situation. Personally, I doubt I would destress on other people.
38. He asked what the car situation was like in my family. I told him hard because we had 5 cars and 4 drivers and we can't juggle insurance and parking around to make it work, usually.
Stan: "I totally understand, the car situation is hard in my family too."
Me: "How so?"
Stan: "We have 4 cars and 4 drivers."
....HOW ABOUT ONE CAR PER DRIVER FUCKTARD?! DONE AND DONE
Granted, what should I expect from a person who struggled for a long time at coming up with ways to move Mr. Toad. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read older posts.
39. Stan: "Yeah, my car is fully loaded. Power windows, locks, AC, ABS."
Me: "....Yeah....most of those...like especially ABS... were made standard on cars larger than compact 10 years ago. [we're in 2007]."
Stan: "My minivan didn't have it!"
Me: "What year was your minivan (I knew that minivans usually HAD ABS because soccer moms love safety)?"
Stan: "A '94."
40. Notes say "Car Brag 2." I think it had to do with the other standard features in his car and how it came "fully loaded."
41. Stan tried to argue with me about cars. Like...model features, renovations, etc. He wouldn't take the fact that he was wrong lightly. Actually, he didn't accept that fact at all. For example, he claimed that the Toyota Camry was all new for 2007. He was off by a year.
42. It had been raining for most of the drive down to dinner. Notice that this all happened BEFORE we got to the dinner. So within 30 minutes. Anyway, when we got to the city where we were going to eat, the rain had stopped. However, the shoulder was very clearly wet. It was significantly darker than the road we were driving on. Still, Stan boldly pronounced that it had obviously not rained in this city.
43. When we got to Chili's, our dinner host had not arrived.
Stan: "Do you know him?"
Me: "...Yes...I ate dinner with him last night."
Stan: "Oh that's right. Do you have his cell phone number?"
Me: "No, I don't."
Stan: "Ok, well I do."
Creepy. Especially since Stan had never met him before.
44. Stan couldn't find the way into Chili's. I told him turn by turn directions as I had driven by it before. Unsurprisingly, after he made the final turn and saw the sign, he claimed that it was "very easy to find."
45. The entire Chili's was decked out in Halloween decorations. This took me -15 seconds to notice, because I could see everything when I was walking into the restaurant. It took Stan 5 minutes. He then had to tell me that the Chili's was covered in Halloween decorations.
46. Stan: "Did your high school have mol day?"
Me: "...So...Oct 23, at 602 AM?"
Stan: "Yeah."
Me: "No. We were entirely too busy."
Stan: "Oh, my mol day was great blahblahblah..."
Three minutes later
Stan: "So that's what I did. I liked mol day a lot."
Me: "...To be honest, it sounds kinda stupid."
Stan: "Yeah, I didn't really enjoy it that much."
47. Our host was clearly lost. I told Stan to call him at 7:00 when he didn't show up. The host said "I'll be right there." Stan came back to tell me this via thumbs up since I was on the phone. After 10 minutes, I knew he was lost, but I was still on the phone. Stan sat around looking confused and like he was looking for friends in all the decorations when he caught my eye and I glanced at my watch and motioned my phone. He finally realized that maybe he should call the host and help him with directions. The directions were clearly terrible as it took our host another 20 minutes to get to Chili's.
48. Maitre d: *looking at our host, who is much older than us* "How many?"
Host: "Thr-"
Stan: "Three."
Maitre d: *taken aback* "...Smoking or non?"
Host: "No-"
Stan: "Non-smoking."
49. Our host told us how bad his day was, including a wolfed-down breakfast. Stan said that his 1o minute lunch that day was just as bad. Including just as bad as the three 10 minute lunches I had for 3 days straight.
50. I bought a gallon jug of Sweet Tea from the grocery store. Stan knew I had gone to the grocery store, but was scared when he opened the fridge and saw the tea.
Stan: "That's your's right?"
Me: "Yes."
Stan: "Oh ok, cuz all of a sudden a gallon of tea just appeared!"
51. We were all having trouble deciding what to order since there were so many choices on the menu. Stan then claimed that it was just as hard as having to choose where to work. A reminder (and another story related to this will appear down the list): When offers came around, he got zero. Zero job offers. And he was like that for a week. He begged our recruiter since he saw that someone declined a spot and managed to get the job.
52. Our company culture says "do not talk about pay." Really, that seems to be all that Stan can talk about at times. A reminder: we're still at dinner.
53. Stan: "I like my job because it allows me to do what I'm good at. Working with the machines."
I doubt it.
54. Our host went on to describe his day.
Host: "Yeah, I'd say it was a weird day toda-"
Stan: "I have a weird day everyday."
55. Stan: "I want to go to Italy because our machines have an Italian name, so I'd know what I'm doing there."
56. During the first week at work, Stan asked me why they had hired people from our major for these jobs as they didn't really have anything to do with what we were working on. I told him that I asked the same question during my interview and the interviewers liked my frankness and answered that we were being looked at because of our analytical thinking. I had told this to Stan.
At this dinner, our host had locked eye contact with me:
Host: "Are you bothered by the fact that you're not necessarily applying what you've learned? Why did they have you fill this role?"
Me: "Well, it's bec-"
Stan: "They wanted us for our analytical thinking, I found out."
57. Stan claimed that there was plenty of mechanical engineering in chemical engineering. And that there were a lot of similarities.
58. We had all ordered house special drinks. Our host had a tea with mango syrup in it. However, the syrup and the liquid were both yellow, so I don't blame him when he didn't notice that he was supposed to stir his drink. Stan had a clear drink with a dark syrup. The waitress had told him to mix the drink. He didn't notice. So he said that the drink was too strong. Then I told him to stir it. It was good afterwards.
59. I had complained several times in the beginning that the young managers kept inviting me to do stuff. And by do stuff, I mean go to bars. Big no no. When our host asked us what we did, Stan turned my story into his.
60. We were leaving from dinner, and Stan ended up in a left turn only lane. He JUMPED out of the lane into the normal lane.
Stan: "Did you see that? Those are my reflexes. I inherited them from my mom. She has really quick reflexes too."
That makes me wonder if it was his reflexes that let him run the stop sign that came 15 feet later.
61. Stan and I entered the car at the same time. I had noticed that there was condensation on the inside of the windshield. Stan immediately turned the defrost/defog setting in his car to max.
Stan: "The car fogged up as soon as I got in!"
I know. I was there. Believe me, I noticed. As hard as it was to notice a large, clear object be unclear 2 feet from my face, I somehow noticed.
62. Stan asked if I was considering Lasik. I said no because there were still a few dangers. You can search on the Internet and find the dangers. Stan insisted that there were none. I had somehow ended up looking at Lasik stories that day during my break, so I think I knew what I was talking about.
63. My notes say fishing. I think he asked me if I'd ever gone fishing before. Which I would say yes to. I'm guessing he then tried to teach me what fishing was.
64. Stan was complaining that he doesn't get a lot of work done because so many people try to talk to him. And that he never gets lost at work.
65. My notes say "Car Brag 3" OH I REMEMBER THIS ONE.
We were at a red light. I told him that he needed to take a left at the next light, and that he should've gotten in the left lane before. Since now he had to pass a car that was even with us.
Stan: "No problem, me and my VTEC will get us out of this."
When the light turned green, he floored the pedal. Lots of revving ensued for 5 seconds. We hit 27, then he had to slow down for the red light. He did managed to take that left turn, but after we were on the on ramp, he floored the pedal again. Lots of revving for 6 seconds. We were going 30. Sounds like quite the "4 cylinder monster" he makes it out to be.
66. Stan: "I will definitely come back here when they offer me a full time position. Unless some other place offers something better."
Great loyalty eh? Also, he's placing a lot of bets on his performance...story to come...
67. Stan named his machine and himself with his own names. He then proceeded to tell everyone what his ideas for names were. He then wondered why everyone was using his language.
68. The street signs near our apartment are white obelisks with black letters. Probably because green signs would blend in with the bunches of trees lining the roads here. Stan said he liked the signs but couldn't figure out why they were like that. When I suggested my idea, he shot it down. And he'll probably explain to other people why the signs here are like that and pass it off as his own thinking.
69. Back to the job offers. He had told everyone in the spring that he hadn't gotten any offers and was stuck like that for a week. He then told me later that he had gotten an offer from my company because he found out that someone gave up a spot and then begged the recruiter through email for the position that was turned down.
When I asked him in the car on the ride home about job offers, his story changed. He now claimed that after he realized he had no offers, he talked to our job finders and emailed a few places that had empty spots. Stan said that he got an email back the next morning from my recruiter, offering him a job.
I have long suspected that Stan only got this job because 1. they probably needed more help and 2. they didn't want me to be alone. I reasoned the latter because we're in the middle of nowhere and they must've thought I'd be lonely and that one person from the same organization as me is better than none.
Monday, I spoke with our recruiter about the recruiting process.
Recruiter: "We decided 2 years ago that we would never, ever hire only one person. We had hired one girl all by herself 3 years ago, and she ended up being extremely lonely because she lived all by herself and couldn't really hang out with the drinking crowd. So now, it is always at least two people."
Doesn't it all make sense now?
70. A warning, 70 to 74 all happened in 5 minutes in one morning. I was trying to make sense of the mess Stan left near the garbage. Stan had just left recycling all over the floor. Even though, ever since we'd been in the apartment, I had been very obviously and clearly hanging plastic bags from the cabinets and placing recyclables in different bags. The bags are at eye level and very easy to identify. Stan followed along with this for a while, then he just forgot. I told him to go pick up all his recycling.
71. Stan tried to shove his recycling in very full bags. I wanted to test his logic, and he obviously failed. We have more than enough empty plastic bags he could've used. And he knew exactly where they were.
Me: *watching him struggle* "...Is it that hard to use another bag?"
Stan: "..........I could."
72. We took Organic Chemistry class together. So we learned at the same time that plastic and styrofoam are derived from the same type of material: polymers from petroleum. To be honest, I learned this in high school, so this was not news to me. PS: Fleece is recycled styrofoam. Anyway, plastic and styrofoam are pretty much the exact same material, just adjusted for different uses.
Stan: *holding an egg carton, looking perplexed* "What do I do with this?"
Me: "Why don't you put it with the other plastics?"
Stan: "They're not the same!"
Me: *dead eye*
Stan: "Well, where I'm from they're not the same. We treat them differently."
Me: "...No...we both know that they're the same. Put them together."
73. Lastly, he left dead lightbulbs on the floor. Hiding near a trash bin. On tile. To me, that spells danger. One misstep or dropping some heavy garbage and broken glass would be everywhere.
Stan: "What do I do with the lightbulbs? Can't recycle them."
Me: *HEAVY SARCASM* "Yeah, just put them back on the floor there. In a hard to see and dangerous spot."
Stan: *places lightbulbs down*
Me: "..........................I was so sarcastic it's not even funny. Can you move the lightbulbs someplace else? I don't like the idea of sharp lightbulbs on the ground."
Stan: "Uhh, they're not sharp. See? They're lightbulbs?"
Me: "And what are lightbulbs made of?"
Stan: "Yeah but it's not broken, and there's no danger of breaking them here."
Me: "...Hard to see, on tile, yes, no, no danger at all. Besides a misstep or dropping anything."
Stan: "What do you want me to do with them then?"
Me: "....Why don't we just put them in a bag in the empty cabinet? That doesn't sound so hard."
74. After all that, Stan left the kitchen. There's a table that we eat (separately) on. It had been a terrible mess for a long time because whenever he went to the grocery store or WalMart, he would just leave the plastic bags on the table and not take care of them. Even after I showed him my system of leaving them in a cabinet. As Stan left:
Stan: *looking upset* "THIS TABLE IS A MESS!!!!"
Me: "Yeah....those...are your plastic bags. Look, the only things on that table that are mine are these. You've been leaving your crap there the entire time."
Stan: ".....Well, some of these bags are tied up! I didn't do that!"
Me: "No, but you made our guests from before think that they could do that. Clean it up."
Stan: *silently moves bags away....by throwing them decently hard into cabinet*
NEW STUFF
75. We have to give midterm and final presentations. Stan gave his a few days ago. Well, let's back up. The 2nd day of training, we had to attend a "how to give presentations" training session. I thought it was a waste of time since I had given a few and am a barely passable public speaker. Stan looked like he had the same attitude. Yet, during his midterm presentation, he threw every suggestion out the window. He read off his slides, fidgeted the entire time, and didn't involve his audience.
76. We were encouraged to bring snacks to presentations. I was going to do this, but I was going to make it a surprise. Stan did not bring snacks at all.
Recruiter: "You know, your predecessor brought cookies to their midterm presentation."
Stan: *very snappy* "Do I look like my predecessor to you?"
77. During his presentation, I thought the remote for the slides was broken. It clicked very loudly everytime he pressed the button. I had assumed it was broken because I have a few items that still sorta work, but do click loudly when used. But I was weirded out when all of a sudden the slide advanced and Stan said "Sorry, trigger happy with the clicker." I then watched how he was using the remote. He was hitting it with is finger. Like, slamming his index finger into the clicking area as best as he could with limited swing.
78. Stan put into his presentation a quote from his boss's boss.
"I get a better return of investment from my pet rock than I do with Stan."
79. One of Stan's projects was to have part of a floor painted white. It took him weeks to call a contractor to get it done. He talked about this during his presentation. He claimed that the white floor would allow everyone to see oil drips better. This is true. However, it is a bit of a stretch to say that seeing oil allows the machine to stay running longer. Stan did this. He tried to tie in the business needs of the company into his presentation and his projects wherever he could.
80. Stan once again went to his lady-friend's place 30 mins from here.
Stan: "I don't plan on staying but it could happen."
Me: "Ok."
Stan: "If I end up being there at midnight, I'll stay over there."
Me: "Ok."
Stan: *while leaving* "Ok, I'm off. See you sometime. Don't know when sometime is though."
Wouldn't that be why you say "sometime" instead of, oh I don't know, a CERTAIN time?
81. So Stan came back at 12:45 am. Which leads me to believe that he tried to stay at her place, since he said if was there at midnight, he would stay over there, but failed.
WHEW that was a long post. That's pretty much everything that you've missed. Enjoy. I'm keenly aware that this post is not up to the normal level of fluid speech and all the other elements of good storytelling that I usually strive for. However, this post took me over 3 hours to type, and I'm guessing that it would've taken me 5 had I actually tried to make it nicer. My apologies.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The Train Keeps Rolling
Addressing the comments of the last post: if I have to work with him, I will address the professor and TA's and flat out offer a "new group or no group" policy. Granted, I have a lot more experience living and working with Stan. I'm also going to speak with our HR person and ask that we not live together later. As amusing as this is, I don't think I can handle another living situation with him.
1. Our company gives each employee an annual gift basket containing some products made by the company. First, we get a notification letter in the mail saying that the package will be arriving at the address this letter was mailed to unless it is changed. I took my and his letters from the mailbox and placed his on his doorknob. Common sense...would say that if the letters are mailed at the same time to the SAME PLACE, they would arrive on the same day. I've pretty much already given away the blockbuster plot twist, but here it is.
Stan: "Hey my gift package letter!"
Me: "Yup, I put it there today."
Stan: "Did you get yours too?"
2. It's also no surprise that my mom works for the same company but in a different location. The company she was originally working for was bought by this one almost three years ago. Stan asked me what was in the gifts and if my mother had received a gift before. Yes, Stan, she has received two. This is after I specifically told him that one of the cool perks of working here was the annual gift.
3. Stan bragged to his friend on the phone last night that he has spent 24 hours in the office and would have spent 35 if he had worked his normal 10 hours today. First off....look at the math. Second, my boss and her boss have a term for spending that much time in the office: "poor time management." They specifically told me that if I was spending that much time in the office I was either overworked or not working hard enough at all.
I'm honestly perplexed how he can spend that much time at work. In my entire division (not my department, but the department containing my department and others like it), 80% of the leadership leaves at 4:30 (or try to). Generally, they're busy past 3:00.
4. Stan again realized why his balance is so high.
5. We have a pretty crappy dryer here in the apartment. A regular load in the washer for me takes two hours to dry. The dryer is older than I am. Stan knows this as we had a conversation that went like this:
Stan: "My clothes take forever to dry."
Me: "Yeah, the dryer sucks."
Stan: "Yeah."
So...can anyone tell me why, when I added another 30 minutes to a load after 70 minutes, I got this from Stan:
Stan: "The dryer is taking FOREVER."
Me: "I know, we know it su-"
Stan: "Are you sure you didn't leave it on 'air fluff'?"
Air fluff has a maximum time limit of 30 minutes. So it occupies half as much arc as regular dry, which I was using. He also based my drying time off his normal wash load...which uses about half the capacity of the washer. He claims that he's not sure how much he can load into a front load washer and still have it wash.
Anyway, after he asked me that question, I took a deep sigh, put my hands on my hips, and told him that I was not retarded and could read the clear labels.
6. Earlier in the day, I had eaten lunch with him. His coworker was there and asked us why we went on these job assignments. We gave him all the reasons:
Coworker: "Plus, it looks good on your resume!"
Stan: "Yeah, everyone's heard of [product], so I can say that I worked in [product]."
Me: "....I'm pretty sure that you can just say 'I worked for [company].' Everyone knows us."
Stan: "Exactly, 'I worked in [product]."
7. I woke up late this morning. Just in time to see Stan come back from the shower in a towel. Apparently, though, all he did was go turn the shower on and leave for 10 minutes.
8. He left his room after 10 minutes and was still only wearing a towel.
9. Stan had left a yogurt cup full of water sitting in the sink for two days. I didn't know what he wanted to do with it so I asked him this morning what was going on with it. He poured it out right away. What...exactly...takes two days...to pour out a damn yogurt cup.
10. I was out for most of the night because I went to a mall to shop/walk around. While I was gone, we had gotten an email from a mutual organization. When I got back home, Stan knew I was out. Yet...after we had established where I had been for the past 4 hours, Stan asked if I had read the email from the organization.
11. Stan doesn't realize that when the drying rack is full, he can go ahead and move dry stuff into the cabinets. So, he rinsed a glass, but let it sit right side up on a table...for two days...defeating the purpose of washing it because it would catch dust and would become a miniature breeding ground for anything in the water. When I told him that he needed to wash it again and that I put it in a colander that he had to wash, he looked confused. Then it dawned on him what I was talking about. I thought I was being pretty crystal clear, but he thought I was talking about a glass colander.
**Edit**
12. Stan sits crosslegged...even when laying down on his back. I had a pleasant sight when I went to ask him a question.
13. Stan tried to convince me about how bad rush hour traffic was and when it started in the area around the mall I went to today. I've been there three times all around when he said the rush hour started, and I've never seen a problem. This is at the mall, which probably has the worst traffic due to the high attraction to the area (lots of shopping and restaurants). When I told him this, he mentioned construction...which I didn't see...and then he said that because he grew up "around here," with his hometown being 2 hours away from the mall, he knew about everything related to the rush hour.
**2nd Edit**
14. I just plain forgot this one. At the same lunch as the "I work in [product]" post, the following also happened:
Stan: "I might stay a year at school and get my Master's in a semester."
Coworker: *impressed* "Master's in a semester?"
Me: "You mean a Master's of Engineering?"
Stan: "Yes."
Me: "Those are different things....Master's are much harder and take a few years...not just one."
Stan: "Right, so I'm going to be staying to get my Master's in a semester. I've got 100 credits already anyway."
I don't think he knows that liberal studies don't really count as credit towards a M.Eng.
1. Our company gives each employee an annual gift basket containing some products made by the company. First, we get a notification letter in the mail saying that the package will be arriving at the address this letter was mailed to unless it is changed. I took my and his letters from the mailbox and placed his on his doorknob. Common sense...would say that if the letters are mailed at the same time to the SAME PLACE, they would arrive on the same day. I've pretty much already given away the blockbuster plot twist, but here it is.
Stan: "Hey my gift package letter!"
Me: "Yup, I put it there today."
Stan: "Did you get yours too?"
2. It's also no surprise that my mom works for the same company but in a different location. The company she was originally working for was bought by this one almost three years ago. Stan asked me what was in the gifts and if my mother had received a gift before. Yes, Stan, she has received two. This is after I specifically told him that one of the cool perks of working here was the annual gift.
3. Stan bragged to his friend on the phone last night that he has spent 24 hours in the office and would have spent 35 if he had worked his normal 10 hours today. First off....look at the math. Second, my boss and her boss have a term for spending that much time in the office: "poor time management." They specifically told me that if I was spending that much time in the office I was either overworked or not working hard enough at all.
I'm honestly perplexed how he can spend that much time at work. In my entire division (not my department, but the department containing my department and others like it), 80% of the leadership leaves at 4:30 (or try to). Generally, they're busy past 3:00.
4. Stan again realized why his balance is so high.
5. We have a pretty crappy dryer here in the apartment. A regular load in the washer for me takes two hours to dry. The dryer is older than I am. Stan knows this as we had a conversation that went like this:
Stan: "My clothes take forever to dry."
Me: "Yeah, the dryer sucks."
Stan: "Yeah."
So...can anyone tell me why, when I added another 30 minutes to a load after 70 minutes, I got this from Stan:
Stan: "The dryer is taking FOREVER."
Me: "I know, we know it su-"
Stan: "Are you sure you didn't leave it on 'air fluff'?"
Air fluff has a maximum time limit of 30 minutes. So it occupies half as much arc as regular dry, which I was using. He also based my drying time off his normal wash load...which uses about half the capacity of the washer. He claims that he's not sure how much he can load into a front load washer and still have it wash.
Anyway, after he asked me that question, I took a deep sigh, put my hands on my hips, and told him that I was not retarded and could read the clear labels.
6. Earlier in the day, I had eaten lunch with him. His coworker was there and asked us why we went on these job assignments. We gave him all the reasons:
Coworker: "Plus, it looks good on your resume!"
Stan: "Yeah, everyone's heard of [product], so I can say that I worked in [product]."
Me: "....I'm pretty sure that you can just say 'I worked for [company].' Everyone knows us."
Stan: "Exactly, 'I worked in [product]."
7. I woke up late this morning. Just in time to see Stan come back from the shower in a towel. Apparently, though, all he did was go turn the shower on and leave for 10 minutes.
8. He left his room after 10 minutes and was still only wearing a towel.
9. Stan had left a yogurt cup full of water sitting in the sink for two days. I didn't know what he wanted to do with it so I asked him this morning what was going on with it. He poured it out right away. What...exactly...takes two days...to pour out a damn yogurt cup.
10. I was out for most of the night because I went to a mall to shop/walk around. While I was gone, we had gotten an email from a mutual organization. When I got back home, Stan knew I was out. Yet...after we had established where I had been for the past 4 hours, Stan asked if I had read the email from the organization.
11. Stan doesn't realize that when the drying rack is full, he can go ahead and move dry stuff into the cabinets. So, he rinsed a glass, but let it sit right side up on a table...for two days...defeating the purpose of washing it because it would catch dust and would become a miniature breeding ground for anything in the water. When I told him that he needed to wash it again and that I put it in a colander that he had to wash, he looked confused. Then it dawned on him what I was talking about. I thought I was being pretty crystal clear, but he thought I was talking about a glass colander.
**Edit**
12. Stan sits crosslegged...even when laying down on his back. I had a pleasant sight when I went to ask him a question.
13. Stan tried to convince me about how bad rush hour traffic was and when it started in the area around the mall I went to today. I've been there three times all around when he said the rush hour started, and I've never seen a problem. This is at the mall, which probably has the worst traffic due to the high attraction to the area (lots of shopping and restaurants). When I told him this, he mentioned construction...which I didn't see...and then he said that because he grew up "around here," with his hometown being 2 hours away from the mall, he knew about everything related to the rush hour.
**2nd Edit**
14. I just plain forgot this one. At the same lunch as the "I work in [product]" post, the following also happened:
Stan: "I might stay a year at school and get my Master's in a semester."
Coworker: *impressed* "Master's in a semester?"
Me: "You mean a Master's of Engineering?"
Stan: "Yes."
Me: "Those are different things....Master's are much harder and take a few years...not just one."
Stan: "Right, so I'm going to be staying to get my Master's in a semester. I've got 100 credits already anyway."
I don't think he knows that liberal studies don't really count as credit towards a M.Eng.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Apologies Again
The downtime wasn't due to him not saying anything. I just ran out of time during the day to post.
1. I went to eat lunch one day at work. I saw some of the people in my department, but they had finished lunch and had to leave. I looked up from talking with them and saw some of Stan's coworkers. I thought "well, I've met them, why don't I eat with them?"
They had the same deal: most of them were past done with lunch, but they hung around for a little bit. Til they saw Stan. Apparently, one of them had even tried to get rid of Stan as he had messaged him before with misleading directions/instructions about lunch. When everyone started leaving, only one person other than me wasn't finished with lunch. This person quietly spoke:
"Guys. Don't leave me with Stan. Please don't...come on guys....Hey Stan, how's it going?"
2. At said lunch, I had ordered a chili dog. Now, the way things work at the cafeteria here (like most cafeterias) is that there's a menu with a list of what's available. Then, you go up to the food stations and order what you want. If you want a special, say "Stuffed Shells with Cheese, vegetable, and a roll," you must tell them that specifically. In addition, the menu clearly lists ingredients. So, for Stuffed Shells with Cheese, the ingredients are pasta shells and cheese. Stan had gotten Stuffed Shells with Cheese, vegetable, and a dinner roll, and came outside to eat with us. He finished all of the stuffed shells (in his defense, they were actually macaroni and cheese), started chowing down on the vegetable (peas), when he offered a great observation. Five minutes after he had bought his food.
Stan: "Hey, there's no meat in my stuffed shells with cheese!"
Me and his coworker: "............"
Stan: "I thought there would be some sort of meat."
Me: "...well....it did...just say cheese on the menu."
3. At the same lunch (the only time I saw him at all that particular day), Stan told me he was scared witless earlier as he couldn't find his towels. He believed that his towels had gone missing, so he spent a lot of time that morning looking for them. He looked in his car, under his bed, in the bathroom, and gave up. He simply declared the towels gone. Then he opened his closet. And there they were.
4. Part of the reason why I didn't update the blog earlier was that I was hosting some friends here. When we arrived, we moved all of our groceries we had bought into the house before I gave them a tour of the apartment. We went to the basement and talked there about what we could and couldn't or shouldn't do for a few minutes before we went back upstairs and to the bedrooms. Stan came out of his bedroom and greeted the both of them loudly.
The next morning at breakfast, Stan told me that he had heard us walk in and saw the bags on the kitchen table. Then went back to his room and waited for us to walk near his room, instead of looking for us and introducing himself then.
5. I had gone to a concert about 45 minutes away from here with one of the guests. I never told Stan this as I didn't feel like he really had to know. However, one person (whom I'm dating), didn't go to the concert and stayed behind like a good trooper.
This person had to use the bathroom and had walked all the way into the bathroom when Stan called out their name.
Stan: "Where's my coworker? And the other guest?"
Trooper: "At a concert."
Stan: "Which concert?"
Trooper: "[Name of band]."
Stan: "Where?"
Trooper: "I have no idea."
Stan: "I'm going to go look this up then."
Stan kept talking for a few minutes, uninterrupted, before the trooper told him that they had to use the bathroom and shut the door.
What does this have to do with me? Well, the next morning, Stan confronted me while I was at breakfast.
Stan: "So, where'd you go last night?"
Me: "Concert."
Stan: "Yeah, the [name of band] concert down in [place where concert was held]. I remember. I was sitting in my room and wondering where you were, and all of a sudden it hit me, 'He's at the concert!'"
Then he walked away.
6. Stan had told me the week before that he was thinking of staying over at his friend's place since she was on fall break. Or having her come over and stay at our apartment to let her relax. This is the same friend whom he visited before and canceled on him like twice. I think he was trying to brag about having friends since he didn't suggest having his friend stay over til after I told him that two of my friends were coming. Anyway, one night, he didn't come home. Could it be, I wondered, had he pulled it off?
No. He came home the next day and told me that his friend canceled again. He had apparently gone to try to fix a coworker's computer at their house and ended up staying until midnight. The coworker refused to let him drive home since we live an hour from him. After telling me this, he started talking about his boss's truck for no reason at all. I didn't keep very good notes about this day, but I have a feeling that he made a comparison to his Honda CR-V. Which...when I think of intimidating cars, I think Japanese 4-cylinder econo-suvs.
He then told me how smart he was for leaving a random change of clothes in his car. For just such an occasion.
7. He told me the following things while yelling. From 4 feet away.
Tonight, Stan told me that he had essentially gotten into work today at 2:00 PM, so he had to leave at 8:00 PM. When I asked if he had actually gotten in at 2, he said that he had gotten in at 8 am, but went to get SAP training and went to a team member's special lunch celebration for a few hours.
Now, I guess I really shouldn't be surprised considering that he thinks Googling stuff (we do not need Google for anything at work. Period. We have all information on intranet or with contacts) and walking around confused is actual work, but I would never waste time with administrative training we don't really need anyway. Nor would I so easily and openly go attend a celebration that I don't really have a part of. Don't get me wrong, I was also invited to lunch celebrations, but I first cleared it with my boss if it was ok for me to go. Mainly because these lunches celebrate events that we've been present for around 1% of.
8. After he told me what he did today, he walked back into his room. Then came back 3 minutes later to tell me that he felt homeless because he's slept in 4 different beds in 5 days. Then he went back to his room.
9. When he was in my room (both times) he could clearly see me using the internet and playing games over the internet. Yet, when he went back to his room:
Stan: "My internet isn't working. Is it broken?"
10. I wanted to go visit the tourist attraction that he had seen a few weeks ago. So I asked him what it was called. He invited himself into my room and next to my chair and told me what he thought the name was. So I Googled it. He was sorta right; the site has three different names. He couldn't tell me directions. The directions he gave me turned out to be horribly wrong. When I told him I could look it up myself, he stayed around and watched me search for it in in Google and Google Maps. This is the same place where he walked miles to reach it even though there's a parking lot at the site. And it's known for being the largest object of its kind in the whole state. Yet Stan had one more nugget of info for me:
Stan: "Yeah, it's pretty hard to miss."
*Edit*
Stan still can't turn on the fan when he cooks.
*end edit*
1. I went to eat lunch one day at work. I saw some of the people in my department, but they had finished lunch and had to leave. I looked up from talking with them and saw some of Stan's coworkers. I thought "well, I've met them, why don't I eat with them?"
They had the same deal: most of them were past done with lunch, but they hung around for a little bit. Til they saw Stan. Apparently, one of them had even tried to get rid of Stan as he had messaged him before with misleading directions/instructions about lunch. When everyone started leaving, only one person other than me wasn't finished with lunch. This person quietly spoke:
"Guys. Don't leave me with Stan. Please don't...come on guys....Hey Stan, how's it going?"
2. At said lunch, I had ordered a chili dog. Now, the way things work at the cafeteria here (like most cafeterias) is that there's a menu with a list of what's available. Then, you go up to the food stations and order what you want. If you want a special, say "Stuffed Shells with Cheese, vegetable, and a roll," you must tell them that specifically. In addition, the menu clearly lists ingredients. So, for Stuffed Shells with Cheese, the ingredients are pasta shells and cheese. Stan had gotten Stuffed Shells with Cheese, vegetable, and a dinner roll, and came outside to eat with us. He finished all of the stuffed shells (in his defense, they were actually macaroni and cheese), started chowing down on the vegetable (peas), when he offered a great observation. Five minutes after he had bought his food.
Stan: "Hey, there's no meat in my stuffed shells with cheese!"
Me and his coworker: "............"
Stan: "I thought there would be some sort of meat."
Me: "...well....it did...just say cheese on the menu."
3. At the same lunch (the only time I saw him at all that particular day), Stan told me he was scared witless earlier as he couldn't find his towels. He believed that his towels had gone missing, so he spent a lot of time that morning looking for them. He looked in his car, under his bed, in the bathroom, and gave up. He simply declared the towels gone. Then he opened his closet. And there they were.
4. Part of the reason why I didn't update the blog earlier was that I was hosting some friends here. When we arrived, we moved all of our groceries we had bought into the house before I gave them a tour of the apartment. We went to the basement and talked there about what we could and couldn't or shouldn't do for a few minutes before we went back upstairs and to the bedrooms. Stan came out of his bedroom and greeted the both of them loudly.
The next morning at breakfast, Stan told me that he had heard us walk in and saw the bags on the kitchen table. Then went back to his room and waited for us to walk near his room, instead of looking for us and introducing himself then.
5. I had gone to a concert about 45 minutes away from here with one of the guests. I never told Stan this as I didn't feel like he really had to know. However, one person (whom I'm dating), didn't go to the concert and stayed behind like a good trooper.
This person had to use the bathroom and had walked all the way into the bathroom when Stan called out their name.
Stan: "Where's my coworker? And the other guest?"
Trooper: "At a concert."
Stan: "Which concert?"
Trooper: "[Name of band]."
Stan: "Where?"
Trooper: "I have no idea."
Stan: "I'm going to go look this up then."
Stan kept talking for a few minutes, uninterrupted, before the trooper told him that they had to use the bathroom and shut the door.
What does this have to do with me? Well, the next morning, Stan confronted me while I was at breakfast.
Stan: "So, where'd you go last night?"
Me: "Concert."
Stan: "Yeah, the [name of band] concert down in [place where concert was held]. I remember. I was sitting in my room and wondering where you were, and all of a sudden it hit me, 'He's at the concert!'"
Then he walked away.
6. Stan had told me the week before that he was thinking of staying over at his friend's place since she was on fall break. Or having her come over and stay at our apartment to let her relax. This is the same friend whom he visited before and canceled on him like twice. I think he was trying to brag about having friends since he didn't suggest having his friend stay over til after I told him that two of my friends were coming. Anyway, one night, he didn't come home. Could it be, I wondered, had he pulled it off?
No. He came home the next day and told me that his friend canceled again. He had apparently gone to try to fix a coworker's computer at their house and ended up staying until midnight. The coworker refused to let him drive home since we live an hour from him. After telling me this, he started talking about his boss's truck for no reason at all. I didn't keep very good notes about this day, but I have a feeling that he made a comparison to his Honda CR-V. Which...when I think of intimidating cars, I think Japanese 4-cylinder econo-suvs.
He then told me how smart he was for leaving a random change of clothes in his car. For just such an occasion.
7. He told me the following things while yelling. From 4 feet away.
Tonight, Stan told me that he had essentially gotten into work today at 2:00 PM, so he had to leave at 8:00 PM. When I asked if he had actually gotten in at 2, he said that he had gotten in at 8 am, but went to get SAP training and went to a team member's special lunch celebration for a few hours.
Now, I guess I really shouldn't be surprised considering that he thinks Googling stuff (we do not need Google for anything at work. Period. We have all information on intranet or with contacts) and walking around confused is actual work, but I would never waste time with administrative training we don't really need anyway. Nor would I so easily and openly go attend a celebration that I don't really have a part of. Don't get me wrong, I was also invited to lunch celebrations, but I first cleared it with my boss if it was ok for me to go. Mainly because these lunches celebrate events that we've been present for around 1% of.
8. After he told me what he did today, he walked back into his room. Then came back 3 minutes later to tell me that he felt homeless because he's slept in 4 different beds in 5 days. Then he went back to his room.
9. When he was in my room (both times) he could clearly see me using the internet and playing games over the internet. Yet, when he went back to his room:
Stan: "My internet isn't working. Is it broken?"
10. I wanted to go visit the tourist attraction that he had seen a few weeks ago. So I asked him what it was called. He invited himself into my room and next to my chair and told me what he thought the name was. So I Googled it. He was sorta right; the site has three different names. He couldn't tell me directions. The directions he gave me turned out to be horribly wrong. When I told him I could look it up myself, he stayed around and watched me search for it in in Google and Google Maps. This is the same place where he walked miles to reach it even though there's a parking lot at the site. And it's known for being the largest object of its kind in the whole state. Yet Stan had one more nugget of info for me:
Stan: "Yeah, it's pretty hard to miss."
*Edit*
Stan still can't turn on the fan when he cooks.
*end edit*
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Holding a Conversation
Stan: "So how are your projects going?"
Me: "Oh, they're going ok."
Stan: "How many do you have?"
Me: "4."
Stan: "Yeah, I have 6."
Me: "Yeah, I've been trying to get more, but my leadership has all been busy."
Stan then proceeded to talk non stop for five minutes, and then left.
I do believe...that when you start a conversation with someone...you shouldn't be the only party in the conversation.
Also, he compared the ranks of our bosses. Which, to me, matters for shit. And I think it honestly should matter for shit since whatever level our bosses are doesn't really determine the work we get or how well we do it, but hey, Stan likes to compete.
Lastly, his brilliant idea to fix a problem on a machine was to burn the excess dust that was formed. Right at the machine. Sounded like he wanted to burn the crap IN the machine. We work in a paper factory. That is the most I will say about our jobs.
Me: "Oh, they're going ok."
Stan: "How many do you have?"
Me: "4."
Stan: "Yeah, I have 6."
Me: "Yeah, I've been trying to get more, but my leadership has all been busy."
Stan then proceeded to talk non stop for five minutes, and then left.
I do believe...that when you start a conversation with someone...you shouldn't be the only party in the conversation.
Also, he compared the ranks of our bosses. Which, to me, matters for shit. And I think it honestly should matter for shit since whatever level our bosses are doesn't really determine the work we get or how well we do it, but hey, Stan likes to compete.
Lastly, his brilliant idea to fix a problem on a machine was to burn the excess dust that was formed. Right at the machine. Sounded like he wanted to burn the crap IN the machine. We work in a paper factory. That is the most I will say about our jobs.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Awkward Staring
I sat in my room and enjoyed a quiet dinner; I forgot to turn on music, wasn't watching any videos, and Stan was not in the house. I decided to have a little dessert: Brie on crackers. As I proceeded to spread the somewhat decent brie on some rather bland crackers (the best ones I could find in the local grocery store, I'm afraid), Stan returned home. He walked by my door to say hello and then stopped in the door frame for 30 seconds, staring at me.
Me: "...Wh-"
Stan: "OH, I was confused about what you were doing." *Walks away*
I really don't see why he couldn't be more normal and just ask or something, but, hey, it's Stan.
Me: "...Wh-"
Stan: "OH, I was confused about what you were doing." *Walks away*
I really don't see why he couldn't be more normal and just ask or something, but, hey, it's Stan.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Kind of Ridiculous.
Heads up, a huge update heading your way.
** Over the weekend, I heard a story about Stan and a girl. He had told her that she was "a good girl to bring home to the parents." If that wasn't awkward enough, he then invited her to dinner with his parents. If this quote needs to be removed, it shall be done.
1. When we moved in, I had gotten cartons of large size eggs. Stan had gotten medium sized ones when he went to the grocery store. Of course, Stan asked me several times in the first two weeks whether the large ones were mine or his. But that's not the point. This week, I was making breakfast and thought I'd have eggs. When I opened the refrigerator I saw a box of large eggs, but I had sworn that I had finally finished my carton last week. I remembered Stan telling me that I could use his food if I had to, so I just took some eggs and went about my business. The next morning, I realized my milk was bad, so I just had eggs again. After breakfast, I go brush my teeth. The second day I had eggs, I went and brushed my teeth like normal. Stan stood in the shadows for 45 seconds and stared at me before I felt something extremely odd and threatening and turned to look.
Stan: "Were you eating my eggs?"
Me: *nods head, keeps brushing teeth*
Stan: "Ok, good, I thought I was going crazy."
2. We worked out a system for recycling the very first week we were here. We would put up plastic bags to hold things; separate bags for plastics, metals, and glass. Stan has left a plastic jub and cardboard cereal box on the floor for a week. Even though said bags were already mounted on the wall by me. At waist level. As in, he'd have to see the bags in order to put the crap on the floor. White bags. On a brown wall.
3. Our office has a special lunch program that happens once in a while. Basically, we eat hot dogs for really cheap. I knew about this early last week and didn't really pay it any mind. I love hot dogs, but I had other things to take care of. Yesterday, Stan did his creepy stick his head into my room and not say anything for a while or knock and when I finally acknowledged his presence, he had words of wisdom to say:
Stan: "So hot dog truck tomorrow."
Me: "Yup, I knew last we-"
Stan: "It's a good deal, 2 for a $1, wouldn't you say?"
Me: "Yeah, but I alre-"
Stan: "I'm going to eat so many *walks away*"
4. Stan does not seem to acknowledge personal space at all. He had no hesitation walking right into my room to put give me a receipt I left on a table in the living room. Right onto my bed. And then he told me why he walked into my room as he was leaving. It was quite frightening as I was sitting down and reading stuff online and all of a sudden he jumped out of nowhere.
5. Stan: "Why is my checking account balance so high? *looks at statements online* Oh right, I've been paid twice."
6. When I got home tonight, I realized that we were short a few drinking glasses. When I left for work this morning, we had the normal amount, so common sense says that Stan had something to do with the glasses.
Me: "Stan, what happened to our glasses?"
Stan: "I didn't do anything, they're in the drying rack."
Me: "Yeah...not so much."
Stan: "Oh. I'll probably find them when I'm cooking."
*pause*
Stan: "I have a tendency to lose stuff as I'm using it. Like, I've lost bagels and things like that as I'm eating them."
Me: "...."
Stan: "Also, I've broken two glasses already."
Me: "....What...how, these glasses are pretty strong."
Stan: "Not at all, they're totally flimsy."
Me: *thinking: I've accidentally dropped glasses onto pans in the drying rack*
Stan: "I just tapped two glasses together and they broke."
Me: "....Nice."
Keep in mind that these glasses belong to the landlord, not us...and he didn't tell either of us til now.
30 minutes later.
Stan: "I found the glasses. I put them in the pantry next to my cereal."
7. So, pretty much everything house related has been provided for us already. Including bedsheets. Stan asked today where his extra ones were. As if we'd be provided with extra stores of things that aren't even usually given anyway.
8. Stan and I have had several conversations about phones and providers. Basically, every conversation ends with him declaring how much better his stuff is than mine. I let it pass because his provider does offer better coverage than mine and also because I don't see the point in talking with him anymore. He struck up another conversation about phones today and recommended locations where he had the best signal in or around the house. Even though we have totally different phones. And service providers.
9. We have an in-house instant message client. Stan jumped on the emoticons right away. He doesn't hesitate to use a picture of a baby sheep instead of the word "you" in normal conversation. And he's very proud of doing so. Keep in mind the emoticons are roughly the size of a capital E. So it isn't at all confusing or hard to figure out what the fuck he's talking about.
10. Stan discusses our production schedules on the phone with family. Initially, I confronted him because I thought I heard him mentioning a product that's not on the shelves. Instead he was mentioning what his team was making and when. Either of which is a big no no.
11. I own and use a very expensive camera. Obviously, I would not have such a camera if I didn't know a little bit on how to use it. Stan saw some of my pictures online today.
Stan: "Your pictures are really good. I don't know how you did it. I have trouble taking pictures of [stationary machine]."
12. He literally just did this as I was about to close this post. We had bought 2 colanders, one metal and one plastic. We agreed that one would be used when anything was hot. Guess which one. We got the colanders 4 weeks ago.
Stan: "So, I'm confused about the two colanders. Can we just use them for whatever?"
Me: "....Well....one...is for hot things...or for heat resistance...like straining just-boiled pasta..."
Stan: "Oh. Ok. I've been using the metal one for that. And the plastic one for like salads."
Me: "Great. Keep at it."
Stan: "Just wanted to make sure we didn't designate the colanders for any specific tasks or anything."
Me: "...No, we did designate them."
Stan: "....OH YEAH."
**Edit 1**
13. Last week, I bought light bulbs for the lights in the hallway. I was nice and got normal lights. I was very tempted to get a green, a blue, and a normal. Just to screw with Stan. Just now:
Stan: "One of use should get 60 Watt lightbulbs for the lights in the bathroom."
Me: "Ok."
*15 second silence*
Me: "I bought the ones in the hallway."
Stan: "Oh, I guess I'll get them then."
**Edit 2...2 minutes after Edit 1**
14. Stan: "So you're going back in a few days?"
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "I'm going to hitch a ride with you. I need to sign a lease."
Me: "You're going to have to drive yourself."
Stan: "Why?"
Me: *thinking: Because I do not want to ride with you for a total of 4 hours in a tiny space* "There's a bunch of stuff in my car that I can't move out, and it has to stay in there."
Stan: "...Ok. Just thought I'd let you know a few days in advance."
I don't know if he actually listened to what I said.
** Over the weekend, I heard a story about Stan and a girl. He had told her that she was "a good girl to bring home to the parents." If that wasn't awkward enough, he then invited her to dinner with his parents. If this quote needs to be removed, it shall be done.
1. When we moved in, I had gotten cartons of large size eggs. Stan had gotten medium sized ones when he went to the grocery store. Of course, Stan asked me several times in the first two weeks whether the large ones were mine or his. But that's not the point. This week, I was making breakfast and thought I'd have eggs. When I opened the refrigerator I saw a box of large eggs, but I had sworn that I had finally finished my carton last week. I remembered Stan telling me that I could use his food if I had to, so I just took some eggs and went about my business. The next morning, I realized my milk was bad, so I just had eggs again. After breakfast, I go brush my teeth. The second day I had eggs, I went and brushed my teeth like normal. Stan stood in the shadows for 45 seconds and stared at me before I felt something extremely odd and threatening and turned to look.
Stan: "Were you eating my eggs?"
Me: *nods head, keeps brushing teeth*
Stan: "Ok, good, I thought I was going crazy."
2. We worked out a system for recycling the very first week we were here. We would put up plastic bags to hold things; separate bags for plastics, metals, and glass. Stan has left a plastic jub and cardboard cereal box on the floor for a week. Even though said bags were already mounted on the wall by me. At waist level. As in, he'd have to see the bags in order to put the crap on the floor. White bags. On a brown wall.
3. Our office has a special lunch program that happens once in a while. Basically, we eat hot dogs for really cheap. I knew about this early last week and didn't really pay it any mind. I love hot dogs, but I had other things to take care of. Yesterday, Stan did his creepy stick his head into my room and not say anything for a while or knock and when I finally acknowledged his presence, he had words of wisdom to say:
Stan: "So hot dog truck tomorrow."
Me: "Yup, I knew last we-"
Stan: "It's a good deal, 2 for a $1, wouldn't you say?"
Me: "Yeah, but I alre-"
Stan: "I'm going to eat so many *walks away*"
4. Stan does not seem to acknowledge personal space at all. He had no hesitation walking right into my room to put give me a receipt I left on a table in the living room. Right onto my bed. And then he told me why he walked into my room as he was leaving. It was quite frightening as I was sitting down and reading stuff online and all of a sudden he jumped out of nowhere.
5. Stan: "Why is my checking account balance so high? *looks at statements online* Oh right, I've been paid twice."
6. When I got home tonight, I realized that we were short a few drinking glasses. When I left for work this morning, we had the normal amount, so common sense says that Stan had something to do with the glasses.
Me: "Stan, what happened to our glasses?"
Stan: "I didn't do anything, they're in the drying rack."
Me: "Yeah...not so much."
Stan: "Oh. I'll probably find them when I'm cooking."
*pause*
Stan: "I have a tendency to lose stuff as I'm using it. Like, I've lost bagels and things like that as I'm eating them."
Me: "...."
Stan: "Also, I've broken two glasses already."
Me: "....What...how, these glasses are pretty strong."
Stan: "Not at all, they're totally flimsy."
Me: *thinking: I've accidentally dropped glasses onto pans in the drying rack*
Stan: "I just tapped two glasses together and they broke."
Me: "....Nice."
Keep in mind that these glasses belong to the landlord, not us...and he didn't tell either of us til now.
30 minutes later.
Stan: "I found the glasses. I put them in the pantry next to my cereal."
7. So, pretty much everything house related has been provided for us already. Including bedsheets. Stan asked today where his extra ones were. As if we'd be provided with extra stores of things that aren't even usually given anyway.
8. Stan and I have had several conversations about phones and providers. Basically, every conversation ends with him declaring how much better his stuff is than mine. I let it pass because his provider does offer better coverage than mine and also because I don't see the point in talking with him anymore. He struck up another conversation about phones today and recommended locations where he had the best signal in or around the house. Even though we have totally different phones. And service providers.
9. We have an in-house instant message client. Stan jumped on the emoticons right away. He doesn't hesitate to use a picture of a baby sheep instead of the word "you" in normal conversation. And he's very proud of doing so. Keep in mind the emoticons are roughly the size of a capital E. So it isn't at all confusing or hard to figure out what the fuck he's talking about.
10. Stan discusses our production schedules on the phone with family. Initially, I confronted him because I thought I heard him mentioning a product that's not on the shelves. Instead he was mentioning what his team was making and when. Either of which is a big no no.
11. I own and use a very expensive camera. Obviously, I would not have such a camera if I didn't know a little bit on how to use it. Stan saw some of my pictures online today.
Stan: "Your pictures are really good. I don't know how you did it. I have trouble taking pictures of [stationary machine]."
12. He literally just did this as I was about to close this post. We had bought 2 colanders, one metal and one plastic. We agreed that one would be used when anything was hot. Guess which one. We got the colanders 4 weeks ago.
Stan: "So, I'm confused about the two colanders. Can we just use them for whatever?"
Me: "....Well....one...is for hot things...or for heat resistance...like straining just-boiled pasta..."
Stan: "Oh. Ok. I've been using the metal one for that. And the plastic one for like salads."
Me: "Great. Keep at it."
Stan: "Just wanted to make sure we didn't designate the colanders for any specific tasks or anything."
Me: "...No, we did designate them."
Stan: "....OH YEAH."
**Edit 1**
13. Last week, I bought light bulbs for the lights in the hallway. I was nice and got normal lights. I was very tempted to get a green, a blue, and a normal. Just to screw with Stan. Just now:
Stan: "One of use should get 60 Watt lightbulbs for the lights in the bathroom."
Me: "Ok."
*15 second silence*
Me: "I bought the ones in the hallway."
Stan: "Oh, I guess I'll get them then."
**Edit 2...2 minutes after Edit 1**
14. Stan: "So you're going back in a few days?"
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "I'm going to hitch a ride with you. I need to sign a lease."
Me: "You're going to have to drive yourself."
Stan: "Why?"
Me: *thinking: Because I do not want to ride with you for a total of 4 hours in a tiny space* "There's a bunch of stuff in my car that I can't move out, and it has to stay in there."
Stan: "...Ok. Just thought I'd let you know a few days in advance."
I don't know if he actually listened to what I said.
Monday, October 1, 2007
The Dishes Are Always A Problem
Stan messaged me at work today saying that he forgot to do the dishes and that he'd do them right when he got home.
I got home and looked in the sink. Lo and behold, there were dirty dishes there. And they weren't even rinsed. The silverware was sitting in a bowl that once held cereal. I knew because little crumbs floated in the white water.
When he got home, he still didn't keep his word and waited a good 20 minutes before doing the dishes "right away," as he said he would at work and when he opened the door.
I got home and looked in the sink. Lo and behold, there were dirty dishes there. And they weren't even rinsed. The silverware was sitting in a bowl that once held cereal. I knew because little crumbs floated in the white water.
When he got home, he still didn't keep his word and waited a good 20 minutes before doing the dishes "right away," as he said he would at work and when he opened the door.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Awkward Moment
Stan called me and told me that he had been sitting in his car for a long time. Why didn't he come back into house, you say? Apparently, he was too afraid to come out of his car because of the rain, thunder, and lightning. He was...too scared....to move....10 feet.
When he did come back inside, I was on the phone and very into my conversation on the phone. So... I didn't pay him any attention. But he really wanted my attention or something, so he knocked on my door frame and waved at me for a good minute. Until I waved him away.
When he did come back inside, I was on the phone and very into my conversation on the phone. So... I didn't pay him any attention. But he really wanted my attention or something, so he knocked on my door frame and waved at me for a good minute. Until I waved him away.
Laundry and Music
Stan messaged me at work saying that he wanted to do laundry at 9 or 10 pm tonight. This isn't a huge concern to me, since I get home at the latest around 5. Regardless of whether or not he told me, if I had gotten home and done my laundry first, it gets done. For some reason, Stan thought that he "owned" the time slot from 9-10 pm and that if I was using the machines, I'd be encroaching on his time. Even if he hadn't told me beforehand.
I was listening to Rocketman in iTunes. My door was open.
Stan: "Good song."
Me: "Yup..." (common sense: "That's why I'm listening to it.")
Stan: "Rocketman."
Me: *thinking* "...did...he...just...tell me the name of the song...like I didn't know it?"
And remember, this is comment time, so whatever y'all want. I know two people are fine with what's being posted.
I was listening to Rocketman in iTunes. My door was open.
Stan: "Good song."
Me: "Yup..." (common sense: "That's why I'm listening to it.")
Stan: "Rocketman."
Me: *thinking* "...did...he...just...tell me the name of the song...like I didn't know it?"
And remember, this is comment time, so whatever y'all want. I know two people are fine with what's being posted.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
On Dishes and Comments
Stan approached me today about the dishes.
Stan: "Did you see?!?! The dishes are clean. I've been doing them after every meal."
Me: "Ok."
Forty five seconds of awkward silence followed, during which I realized that he was expecting a "thank you" for something he said he'd do like last week. And the week before that, technically.
Also, I've decided that I should do one post that's kinda dedicated to all the comments. I mean, I can't stop Stan from being himself, but I feel like sometimes the comments might get neglected. So, if there's anything you wanna know or if you'd like to hear a different story (one from before living with him, for example), let me know in the comments, and I'll try to answer them all for the next post.
Stan: "Did you see?!?! The dishes are clean. I've been doing them after every meal."
Me: "Ok."
Forty five seconds of awkward silence followed, during which I realized that he was expecting a "thank you" for something he said he'd do like last week. And the week before that, technically.
Also, I've decided that I should do one post that's kinda dedicated to all the comments. I mean, I can't stop Stan from being himself, but I feel like sometimes the comments might get neglected. So, if there's anything you wanna know or if you'd like to hear a different story (one from before living with him, for example), let me know in the comments, and I'll try to answer them all for the next post.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
More Apologies
Sorry guys, I know I missed my regular Monday update, but here's what's going on.
1. I had to eat lunch with him the other day. Probably one of the worst dining experiences ever...and I've been spit on, seen someone vomit at the table, and been surrounded by angry soccer moms with hyperactive children at McDonalds's. Thankfully, not all at the same meal. Stan eats...well....it's not so much chewing...the best analogy I can think of...is...imagine a front-loading washing machine with a clear door washing a load of colors. Just as colorful, visible, and loud.
2. At said lunch, I brought up the fact that I wasn't going to be home for a while after work. I was going to go to a farewell dinner for someone at work. I know I didn't know the guy who was leaving all that well, but I liked his company and his advice, so I thought I would pay my respects. I had emailed an RSVP several days in advance so that the dinner organizer could make reservations. This is what happened when I told him what I was doing that night.
Stan: "Really? There's a dinner for him?"
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "Ok, I think I'll go to that."
Me: "....*thinking* The concept of reservations seems to escape him totally* Well, it's for an affinity group, so you'd be quite out of place."
Stan: "....Oh...ok."
3. At work, we are encouraged to go meet with people all over the site in order to raise awareness of who we are. My boss and several others told me to never speak to the higher ups, even though it is encouraged, unless I was solid about what I was doing and made everything look good. As such, I didn't hesitate to meet with people from other teams, departments, higher and lower rank people, no big deal. Stan has only singled out higher ups...I'm fairly certain he's wasting time, as there's only so much interest one can generate from getting a floor painted.
4. On the same topic, Stan wanted to babysit contractors as they painted the floor white. Because there's so much that can go wrong.
5. I arrived home today and found Stan outside the apartment on his phone. All of the lights were off in the apartment, so I assumed he was locked out. I assumed wrongly, thank God. However, there was a new problem:
Stan: "There's a toad at our door. Called Mr. Toad."
Me: "Ok..."
Stan: "Yeah, and he won't move."
Me: "Ok...*starts nudging toad with shoe*"
Stan: "No, that really doesn't work unless you step on him."
Me: *grabs short wood chip from garden, pushes toad away*
Stan: "Oh...yeah...I was going to do that."
I wonder why he didn't. It sure looked like he was outside for a LONG time...considering the lights inside the house were off...and he had been inside already to drop off mail.
6. Stan asked his boss about any trails nearby our house. He told Stan there was one, so he went to go look for it after work. He found it. He said he took a right off the road and wondered why everything became so bumpy. After a few minutes, he realized he was driving on the riverbank.
7. Stan said his boss came to work before him and left at the same time he did, leaving Stan to claim that he worked more hours than his boss. Normally, I'd just assume brain fart. Except he made that claim like three times in two minutes.
8. He's making his retirement account already. Seems smart? Isn't retirement account money locked away until a certain age? So...what happens before he turns gray and senile? Oop...well, gray at least.
9. Stan asked me if I ate dinner already. I'd like to assume that he doesn't think I'm like him.
10. Stan came into my room to announce that he gave his Windows PC the start up and shut down sounds that are installed on Macs. And he didn't want to confuse me. I'm confused as to why...he doesn't just buy a Mac if he apparently likes them so much.
1. I had to eat lunch with him the other day. Probably one of the worst dining experiences ever...and I've been spit on, seen someone vomit at the table, and been surrounded by angry soccer moms with hyperactive children at McDonalds's. Thankfully, not all at the same meal. Stan eats...well....it's not so much chewing...the best analogy I can think of...is...imagine a front-loading washing machine with a clear door washing a load of colors. Just as colorful, visible, and loud.
2. At said lunch, I brought up the fact that I wasn't going to be home for a while after work. I was going to go to a farewell dinner for someone at work. I know I didn't know the guy who was leaving all that well, but I liked his company and his advice, so I thought I would pay my respects. I had emailed an RSVP several days in advance so that the dinner organizer could make reservations. This is what happened when I told him what I was doing that night.
Stan: "Really? There's a dinner for him?"
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "Ok, I think I'll go to that."
Me: "....*thinking* The concept of reservations seems to escape him totally* Well, it's for an affinity group, so you'd be quite out of place."
Stan: "....Oh...ok."
3. At work, we are encouraged to go meet with people all over the site in order to raise awareness of who we are. My boss and several others told me to never speak to the higher ups, even though it is encouraged, unless I was solid about what I was doing and made everything look good. As such, I didn't hesitate to meet with people from other teams, departments, higher and lower rank people, no big deal. Stan has only singled out higher ups...I'm fairly certain he's wasting time, as there's only so much interest one can generate from getting a floor painted.
4. On the same topic, Stan wanted to babysit contractors as they painted the floor white. Because there's so much that can go wrong.
5. I arrived home today and found Stan outside the apartment on his phone. All of the lights were off in the apartment, so I assumed he was locked out. I assumed wrongly, thank God. However, there was a new problem:
Stan: "There's a toad at our door. Called Mr. Toad."
Me: "Ok..."
Stan: "Yeah, and he won't move."
Me: "Ok...*starts nudging toad with shoe*"
Stan: "No, that really doesn't work unless you step on him."
Me: *grabs short wood chip from garden, pushes toad away*
Stan: "Oh...yeah...I was going to do that."
I wonder why he didn't. It sure looked like he was outside for a LONG time...considering the lights inside the house were off...and he had been inside already to drop off mail.
6. Stan asked his boss about any trails nearby our house. He told Stan there was one, so he went to go look for it after work. He found it. He said he took a right off the road and wondered why everything became so bumpy. After a few minutes, he realized he was driving on the riverbank.
7. Stan said his boss came to work before him and left at the same time he did, leaving Stan to claim that he worked more hours than his boss. Normally, I'd just assume brain fart. Except he made that claim like three times in two minutes.
8. He's making his retirement account already. Seems smart? Isn't retirement account money locked away until a certain age? So...what happens before he turns gray and senile? Oop...well, gray at least.
9. Stan asked me if I ate dinner already. I'd like to assume that he doesn't think I'm like him.
10. Stan came into my room to announce that he gave his Windows PC the start up and shut down sounds that are installed on Macs. And he didn't want to confuse me. I'm confused as to why...he doesn't just buy a Mac if he apparently likes them so much.
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