More Apologies

Sorry guys, I know I missed my regular Monday update, but here's what's going on.

1.  I had to eat lunch with him the other day.  Probably one of the worst dining experiences ever...and I've been spit on, seen someone vomit at the table, and been surrounded by angry soccer moms with hyperactive children at McDonalds's.  Thankfully, not all at the same meal.  Stan eats...well....it's not so much chewing...the best analogy I can think of...is...imagine a front-loading washing machine with a clear door washing a load of colors.  Just as colorful, visible, and loud.

2.  At said lunch, I brought up the fact that I wasn't going to be home for a while after work.  I was going to go to a farewell dinner for someone at work.  I know I didn't know the guy who was leaving all that well, but I liked his company and his advice, so I thought I would pay my respects.  I had emailed an RSVP several days in advance so that the dinner organizer could make reservations.  This is what happened when I told him what I was doing that night.
Stan: "Really?  There's a dinner for him?"
Me: "Yeah."
Stan: "Ok, I think I'll go to that."
Me: "....*thinking* The concept of reservations seems to escape him totally* Well, it's for an affinity group, so you'd be quite out of place."
Stan: "....Oh...ok."

3.  At work, we are encouraged to go meet with people all over the site in order to raise awareness of who we are.  My boss and several others told me to never speak to the higher ups, even though it is encouraged, unless I was solid about what I was doing and made everything look good.  As such, I didn't hesitate to meet with people from other teams, departments, higher and lower rank people, no big deal.  Stan has only singled out higher ups...I'm fairly certain he's wasting time, as there's only so much interest one can generate from getting a floor painted.

4.  On the same topic, Stan wanted to babysit contractors as they painted the floor white.  Because there's so much that can go wrong.

5.  I arrived home today and found Stan outside the apartment on his phone.  All of the lights were off in the apartment, so I assumed he was locked out.  I assumed wrongly, thank God.  However, there was a new problem:
Stan: "There's a toad at our door.  Called Mr. Toad."
Me: "Ok..."
Stan: "Yeah, and he won't move."
Me: "Ok...*starts nudging toad with shoe*"
Stan: "No, that really doesn't work unless you step on him."
Me: *grabs short wood chip from garden, pushes toad away*
Stan: "Oh...yeah...I was going to do that."

I wonder why he didn't.  It sure looked like he was outside for a LONG time...considering the lights inside the house were off...and he had been inside already to drop off mail.

6.  Stan asked his boss about any trails nearby our house.  He told Stan there was one, so he went to go look for it after work.  He found it.  He said he took a right off the road and wondered why everything became so bumpy.  After a few minutes, he realized he was driving on the riverbank.  

7.  Stan said his boss came to work before him and left at the same time he did, leaving Stan to claim that he worked more hours than his boss.  Normally, I'd just assume brain fart.  Except he made that claim like three times in two minutes.

8.  He's making his retirement account already.  Seems smart?  Isn't retirement account money locked away until a certain age?  So...what happens before he turns gray and senile?  Oop...well, gray at least.

9.  Stan asked me if I ate dinner already.  I'd like to assume that he doesn't think I'm like him.

10.  Stan came into my room to announce that he gave his Windows PC the start up and shut down sounds that are installed on Macs.  And he didn't want to confuse me.  I'm confused as to why...he doesn't just buy a Mac if he apparently likes them so much.